I’m So Disappointed

It’s been exactly 10 days since I got that most painful, pain shot. Remember the one that hurt so badly at the time of it. The one that stirred everything back up within my nervous system. The one that took me back down memory lane as I recently emotionally and physically crashed. The one that has continued to leave me disappointed.

I really hoped and thought that shot would relieve the pain in my lower back nerves. After all, twice before that particular shot had done just that for me. At that time, I was experiencing the best two weeks of pain relief ever during this 3 1/2 year journey. Even without the shot I was already ecstatic over my current relief. If the shot worked it was just going to be icing on the cake.

Sadly, the shot not only didn’t bring any pain relief, but has actually increased my pain. I have more throbbing pain in the shot area now. Plus, whatever was done stirred up all sorts of chaos inside my nervous system. My spinal cord stimulator has not been the same since that day. Both my legs are much weaker than before. My overall nerve pain is no longer under consistent control.

I really wish I would have never been touched. My new pain specialist really struck a nerve that made all my other nerves angry. I’m not mad at anyone, but I’m very disappointed with how things have worked out. I’m going to once again rely on the God of all understanding, peace and power. He has made a way so many times in the past. Why should I doubt His supervision and care now.

(Psalm 121)

“I look up to the mountains—does my help come from there?

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!

He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.

Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.

The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

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