Whether I Like It Or Not

I felt really good all day yesterday. Then, came the night and I began to hurt like crazy. I got in the bed very early hoping to stop my escalating pain. Evidently I was too far gone. I felt misery in my bones all through the night and even in my sleep. Of course, the outside colder weather doesn’t help all the metal planted within me. I woke up this morning just throbbing like it was my old days of misery.

Whether I like it or not my issues are still with me. Somehow my spinal cord stimulator and medications periodically give me the illusion that I’m far better off than I really am. Now, don’t get me wrong God has brought me a long way. I can stay focused longer and get around way better than months ago. However, thinking my body is not severely nerve damaged is wishful thinking on my part.

Here is the progress that makes all the difference. Compared to the past I’m not fighting with it. I clearly know God has a purpose for the ongoing struggle otherwise He would’ve already removed it. Not to mention I see how He is using it daily. I also know my limitations and will make any necessary adjustments. My peace and my purpose remain as I don’t have the anxiety attacks of the past. I’m just continually reminded that I’m not in control.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

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