Embracing My Weakness, Walking In Strength

Praise God my emergency 5mg valium and muscle relaxer settled my nerve pain and intense itching this morning. I fell asleep for 3 more hours after it settled me. I’m much more stable and things are at least back to bearable for now. When It has me in its vice grips it has me. It’s still shocking that it can even get that bad. It’s like being in a torment chamber.

From this point forward, I’ve simply got to respect my condition more. For the past couple months I got away from the basics of my recovery. I tried to return as much as possible to being the person I used to be prior to this life changing condition. I quit taking the daily intentional faith walks. I quit making sure that I was getting the mandatory sleep my body must have to even function. I quit living without the boundaries necessary to keep myself healthy.

Well, after a week of such hardship I’m returning back to the basics of my recovery lifestyle. God has taught me over time how to best cope and operate with this condition. This has not put me back at ground zero, but it’s God’s wake up call. For reasons I may not understand I’ve been allowed these obvious struggles. I won’t fight with them anymore, but I will allow God to fight for me. I will be more honest with others around me about my condition. I will live with the necessary boundaries needed for me to operate healthy. I will have to trust fully in God’s hands all the stuff I can’t do and I can’t control. While still believing God has things under control.

(2 Corinthians 12:7-10)(NIV) Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect inweakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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