Reality Checks

Laying on my side once again just waiting on my meds to take me to never hurt land. It’s crazy how one small area of pain has me dragging so much. It’s breathtaking to walk at all and there is no comfortable sitting position. Thank God for a great heating pad and medication that will eventually help.

I’m writing a lot today because I’m kind of in shock. Seems forever ago that this particular level of pain reared it’s head. This is more than just a bad day. This is a reality check that nothing has gone away. You always want so badly to think you’ve been miraculously cured. Instead you realize you’ve just been given some tools for momentary relief.

Chronic pain breaks your heart again and again and again. There are so many levels of denial. There are so many things it changes. There are so many people affected by my health issues. I hate it so much. The guilt of how much it affects others is probably the worst for me. All I can do is keep doing what I can while trusting God with all I can’t even fully understand.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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