Shaking My Head

It’s been a rough, painful day since I woke up at 6am. I thought my legs hurt badly last night. However, when I woke up today I could barely drag them even while using my cane. I only slept a few hours. So I knew today would be tough. I have had a busy few days compared to my normal. However, I’ve been seeking to respect my condition every step of the way.

You would think someone has stripped all the muscles out both legs. That if my legs worked off hydraulic fluid that there must be no fluid left. All I know is I’m in shock of how little strength I have in my lower body. Clearly, my legs have not hurt this bad in over six months. I certainly didn’t see this coming.

I’m in shock over how little strength remains in my legs. I’ve now had to turn my spinal cord stimulator off for the second time today. The constant vibrations in my legs and feet let me know I’m being over stimulated. This is the only explanation for the drastic change in me not being able to hardly walk. Plus, the fact I feel very nauseous and way overdue for a cry is usually a sign of over stimulation.

Hard to believe all this spinal stimulator is able to mask. Or that God has just been holding me together all this time. Guess I keep forgetting I’ve just been comforted not cured. Every time I think I’ve experienced it all I’m humbled once again. Just trying to get up and around takes my breath away. Now my heart just pounds as I feel like a prisoner in my own body. God willing my meds will take me out early tonight. However, this constant throbbing in my lower body will have to stop if sleep is to even become an option.

“The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7

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