Such A Roller Coaster
Every night lately I’ve been reminded just why God is leading me to do this Chronic Pain support group. I understand this roller coaster called pain. I know what it feels like to feel so hopeful one minute and hopeless the next. To feel somewhat normal one second and then on the verge of insanity the next.
Right this very moment my entire body is vibrating from my spinal cord stimulator. Unfortunately, I’ve had to turn it totally off once again. The feeling of electricity throughout my body is crazy. I couldn’t bare to even hear my dog drink water out of her dish. With every slurp my body felt on fire as pulses ran from my feet to face. I can’t bare someone to even walk anywhere in the house. I don’t even have a shot at sitting comfortably right now.
If I hadn’t experienced this so many times I wouldn’t believe it. In fact, I would think you were crazy if you made up such stuff. I just spent 3 hours straight in the bathtub for relief. Now, it appears I’m headed right back there. Inside, my tolerance and patience level is wearing thin. However, I know that no amount of kicking and screaming will change a thing. Thank God I do know eventually my nighttime meds will kick in.
How could this be happening to me is still a frequent thought? Why did this happen is not a question that runs very often through my mind. I know God wants to use this pain as a platform. I know I’ve got to help the countless others who are barely holding on to their sanity due to their roller coaster pain. I hate the way I feel, but I love the purpose of the pain.
As my heart continues to race one more time. As my blood pressure seems to sore. As my body continues to vibrate. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I do plan to see what God can do with it.
I’ve been planning for over two years for this Thursday night’s support group. God has had me in boot camp for severe pain management the past three years and nine months. I’m very clear on the vision God has given me for this group. Anyone attending won’t be disappointed if they can identify with these roller coaster emotions. You will leave encouraged.