Once Again In Deep Waters

I’m sitting here completely still in my living room chair. There’s not a piece of my body that is not continuously vibrating. Inside I feel so nauseous and paralyzed at the same time. It’s like I’m being held hostage in my own body. Like someone flipped a switch inside of me. Like my entire nervous system is on fire.

I put forth great effort to get up and get out. I got my shower and got dressed. There’s so much I need to get done. Yet, my body is screaming for my attention. If I didn’t know any better I would think I might have a stroke any minute.

These are the moments you really can’t fully explain to anyone. Only someone with the severity of this nerve condition could ever understand. I’m trying so hard to move forward, but there is an invisible force field every direction. I know inside I’m due for a good cry. It’s like this nerve pain is fluid and has filled up my entire body.

Fortunately, I know how to cope with this much better than in days gone by. I know there’s nothing anyone can do, but pray. That I just have to wait for this storm to get totally out of my system. It forces me to be real and raw. All I can do is get it out and give it up to God. Thank God it’s been awhile since I’ve had one of these episodes. Where my heart keeps pounding and my humanity keeps staring me in the face.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

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