I’m Really Upset, But

Well, my dad had a very big doctor’s appointment today. We were optimistic that it would finally confirm the reason for 5 months of extreme pain in his head. His recent surgical biopsy was the only way to verify that he was battling temporal arthritis. Unfortunately, the biopsy showed that dad does not have this condition. Instead, it’s likely the cancer creating havoc in his head. Only God knows what that means when it’s discovered.

Now, while my parents are disappointed I’m very upset with this outcome. My dad has gone to so many doctors over this time. Not near enough testing has been done in any timely manner. I realize things are more complicated during COVID-19, but I still expect doctors to treat every patient like their own family member.

For months I’ve known dad needed to have a CT scan done with contrast. Why? Because without this done with contrast this cancer has never showed up in his body. Yet, when they have used the contrast it has shown lesions all over his upper body and into his skull. He needed this scan done months ago. But, his cancer doctor just kept saying that’s not the issue. They did a CT scan without contrast months ago, but of course it showed nothing.

Now, I know they are trying to be careful with each step. He does have to limit his radiation exposure due to his struggling kidneys. But, when you’re already in such a battle pain management must come first. I’ve seen way too many patients struggle forever because no one was keeping them comfortable. All patients deserve to know what they are dealing with so they can make the best decisions possible. Yes, it’s my dad but I’ve always been an advocate for any hurting patient.

If I didn’t know God was still in control I couldn’t maintain my composure. I hate it when sick people have to play their own doctor. Cancer is a bad enough experience. You don’t want anything that just waste more of your time or increases your misery. I’m sure you can tell this has hurt my heart deeply.

However, this is not about me. This is about my dad. I will always make sure that I’m doing anything I can to help. I’m doing my absolute best to give it all to God now. I can’t get over this experience easily or quickly. All I can keep doing is praying and praying.

I told my dad earlier that I would be glad to give him a kidney. Of course, he said I needed to hold on to mine. Because I still have a lot of life ahead with 4 boys and my wife. Even still, I’m not focused on the length of life. I’m focused on making sure we enjoy the best quality of life. I don’t want whatever time we have left together consumed with just running here and there. All I can do is take a very deep breath and say Jesus take the wheel. Rest assured I will be alright and God will work things out.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

1 Comments on “I’m Really Upset, But”

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