Taking An Extended Break

I’ve not been on social media in quite awhile. I don’t plan on being on here for several more weeks. Last Sunday night I had another major neurological breakdown. I’ve not had one that severe in at least 3 years. My body is still recovering from feeling so fried inside.

Of course, initially it brought lots of anxiety. Especially when I know I’ve come so from where I used to be. God knows I’m nothing like I was back when everything felt so hopeless. I may still have the same nerve damaged condition. However, I now live with full hope God will always take me through anything.

Most all week I’ve felt like all the air has been knocked out of me. I’ve not had many outside conversations. Instead, I’ve had to preserve my strength every way possible. I’m still struggling especially in the late afternoons and evenings. But, today has not been terrible at all. So, I feel like I’m healing forward.

This past Monday I went to the doctor and got some breakthrough medications. They definitely helped me get through some really tough moments. I also got my spinal cord stimulator adjusted for the first time in almost two years. I still can’t tell you whether I’m fully on the right track towards consistent pain management. But, I’m a far cry from how I felt last Sunday night.

All I know is once again I feel mostly out of control. I’m having to fully depend on God’s grace and strength. My past days of nonstop pain have definitely helped me cope in these days. Even still it’s never easy to feel out of breath, overwhelmed and uncertain about your health condition.

One thing I never doubt is this pain is divine. God has allowed this condition to humble me and keep me where He needs me to be. It opens my eyes, ears and heart in so many ways. It’s a burden and a blessing all wrapped in one. For me it’s simply a cross I feel called to bear as I seek to accomplish God’s will.

My dad’s up and down battle with cancer continues. It was recently confirmed that the cancer has spread into the left side of his head. Typically this cancer has mainly rested inside his blood and bones. But, this time its gotten into his skin affecting his vision and pain levels. Fortunately, his pain is presently under control. But, everyday seems to bring unexpected challenges.

This Tuesday he has an appointment to discuss more necessary radiation. We’re just praying God directs the doctors steps. We pray this upcoming radiation will ease his pain and shrink the cancer. We all know cancer is an unpredictable and reckless beast. Fortunately, my parents and all my family know who is ultimately in control.

So, please keep praying for dad and mom. All I want is God’s will and God’s peace in their life. It sure is settling to know that no matter what cancer will not win the victory. Dad is a blood bought child of God covered underneath the sheltering wings of a loving God. Thanks for all of your prayers and know that I’m praying for you as well.

(Romans 8:35-37) “Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.”

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