God Only Knows

Somehow this pain just keeps sneaking back up on me. Everyday ends with me feeling like I’m in unbearable pain. Saying I hate feeling this way is an understatement. I was doing so well for so long. Plus, I’m seeking to do all the right things more than ever before. Yet, my pain is so much worse in my lower back.

Crazy how that one spot can bring me to my knees anytime. In fact, my surgical spot dictates my overall condition at all times. If the pain there is under control my life feels day and night different. When it stays on fire anything in life feels unbearable. It really is starting to wear me down.

I don’t even like to use this word but I know it’s true. I now have a major disability that I must learn how to live with the rest of my life. Based on medical records I could go file for disability any time. And, I would do so if that’s what I felt led to do. But, I don’t want to live with a disability perspective. I know God has so much more for me to do.

However, I am having to change my perspective day by day. I can’t do things like I’ve always done. I can’t handle hardly anything physical anymore. Sadly, so many things ignite and escalate my nerve pain. All I know is quit is not an option. So, if I can’t get over it I will trust God to take me through it.

All I know is God has a plan. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. Somehow this is part of his plans for my life. I’m not asking God to remove this pain. I am asking God to use this pain for His glory. I pray something He leads me to share will encourage others.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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