Tears, Smiles, Peace

This has been a very long week and a very long day. There have been many ups and downs. I’ve had many reasons to smile and some reasons to cry. So, I decided to do both for healing purposes. Now, I’m about to go to bed full of God’s peace.

I finally got my spinal cord stimulator adjusted today. After much evaluation it was confirmed that my unit must be dialed down. Due to over stimulation of my nerves my stimulator can only be run at fifty percent of its usual power. Now, it can take up to two weeks for full benefits to be felt. But, it will immediately keep my nerves from being fried even if it does allow some pain to increase.

It’s so hard to explain what this stuff feels like inside of you. All I know is that stimulator is like oxygen for my body. It keeps my nerves and pain under control. I never fully realize all it’s doing until it’s taken away. When it’s not running at full strength I become quickly deflated and discouraged. However, anyone is gonna feel discouraged when your pain escalates so quickly.

That said I know things are on track for betters. Most that have those units must get them adjusted at least 1-2 times yearly. I’ve had several cry sessions today without warning. They weren’t reflections of any sadness, but the madness that wrecked my insides. Often, when it gets this way it’s like a chemical imbalance that can only be cried out of your system.

Throughout this day I’ve had many divine conversations. Enough for me to be sure that God is not wasting my pain. God is making me stronger day by day. God is giving me opportunities to use my story to encourage others. God is healing my mind, body, and soul even when I shed tears. Just for the record I really am going to bed smiling tonight.

“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

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