Day Two: Forward Optimism
This is just day two of my 40 Day Faith Walk reboot. If you’ve followed my pain journey the past several years you know this is either my 4th or 5th time on this type of God led journey. In these 40 days I hope to grows me stronger physically, mentally, emotionally and for sure spiritually. I believe I’m headed in the right direction under His care.
Today, I was out of the house for around 4 hours. At least, I was able to get something accomplished. I did have to keep my battery operated heating pad on high the entire day. Seems as soon as I take it off the pain in my lower back takes me back down. I get extremely weak and nauseous quickly.
So, around 4:30pm today I had to take a muscle relaxer and go back to sleep. After a couple hours of sleep I felt much better. I’ve just been sluggish because of the medication. At least this time I was able to stay ahead of the pain. My body overall just feels like it’s throbbing and worn down.
My stimulator technician has allowed me to turn my stimulator back up just one notch. Which means I’m now running it on a level 5. I used to run it on a strength level of 8. I know my unit has not been giving me the same level of pain relief as before. That surgical area just seems to stay very sensitive and sore.However, I feel today was a huge step forward towards optimism.
One, the pain overall has been kept bearable. Two, I was able to be out twice as much as yesterday. Three, I do believe turning my stimulator up will help in time. Unfortunately, that could still take another week for very noticeable changes. As I look back to when I used to write all the time about my pain. I realize several things worth highlighting.
One, things have only been rolling down this hill the past 6 weeks. I was doing so good for what seemed like so long. So, I know things WILL get better in time. Adjustments are just having to be made while God has me in His workshop.
Two, I never started any of my other 40 Day Faith Walks feeling this good. Where I am now is where I usually ended back in those days. Meaning I’m starting this journey knowing my glass is half full not half empty. I never had this level of mental, physical, or spiritual confidence when facing similar valleys in the past. Meaning, the past battles really have left me stronger and more battle prepared. I thank God that I’m still way better today than how things were for so many years.
Three, I can just feel the hand of God upon me. This is another purposeful time where God is teaching me and hopefully using me. I do feel strength even in my weakness. I do have confidence as I look into the future. I do know deep in my heart that God will take me through this struggle. He always has and He always will supply all my needs.
I’m going to bed with my physical pain at a 5 out of 10. However, I’m also going to bed with my spiritual peace being a 9 out 10. Of course, anything that is heavy feels heavy. But, when you can feel God’s presence and see God at work. Your spirit can be lifted even when your physical strength is low. I’m seeking to trust God with every step just like a child. And, I’m so thankful for all of my prayer warriors. I’m praying for you too!
“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7