Not Who I Once Was

Tonight is another one of those nights. In fact, this makes four nights in a row my nerve pain has wrestled me to the ground. I’m writing this post while icing my back and laying on my side. Whether I like it or not the cold hard facts are impossible to ignore. I’m not physically the same person I used to be for so long.

I’ve come so far when it comes to coping with my nerve wrecked body. However, I’ve hit another one of those rough patches. Since Sunday night nothing has felt easy and my nerves have felt fried. That’s hard to swallow when you’re a pastor who genuinely loves people. Yet, my body will only allow me to do so much.

I can no longer deal with crisis situations from sun up to sun down. I can no longer drive whenever and wherever I feel like it. Sure, I can try to be who I used to be to so many. But, I will only end up feeling like I do right now.

Sometimes you just have to speak cold truth to yourself. I’ve been doing better than ever on my diet. I had been doing excellent with keeping my nerve pain under control. But, I gradually drifted towards being the old me. Now, I know there’s a reason why I’ve watched carefully my ministry load for the past seven years.

While I absolutely hate this nauseating pain flooding my body. This is God’s way of reminding me of my new limits. In fact, if you are dealing with life altering chronic pain. You will have to drastically adjust your way of life and make daily tough decisions. It’s okay to have clear boundaries and a constant self awareness. You just need to keep taking the next right step when it comes to your new normal.

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” Psalm 143:10

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