Disappointed But Hopeful
Walking through pain is definitely nothing new to me. However, extreme pain will knock anyone down if it hangs around long enough. Unfortunately, my lower back pain has not only been ongoing for a couple weeks, but it keeps increasing. Every move and every step is overwhelming.
I am exhausted and discouraged. I have been doing so well the last few years. In fact, all of my nerve pain is completely under control and my spinal cord stimulator is working great. Yet, this lower back pain has taken me all the way back to where my pain journey ever started 8 years ago.
I can’t bend forward at all without breathtaking pain. I can’t dress myself or even get out of the bath tub without assistance. When I lay down or sit down, I feel like someone has tied me down. It’s like I have a big brick in my lower back and it keeps pressing on my spine.
I absolutely hate feeling stuck in my body again. I still don’t have my pain shot or Myelogram scheduled. I was told that I will likely have to wait at least 3 weeks to get my much needed pain shot. I spent hours this afternoon trying to call doctors and got absolutely nowhere. All of that is just too much to explain, but was very deflating.
On top of all of this my youngest son will be undergoing major surgery on May 1st at the Shriners Hospital in Greenville. I will explain more about that another time. But, I’ve got to get better by then for his sake and my wife’s sakes. Right now, I’m drowning in pain and situations I simply can’t control. The only part of this battle I can control right now is my mindset.
You know, at some point we all find ourselves at this point. We feel broken, discouraged, overwhelmed, helpless, defeated, and anxious. This is simply how it feels when life knocks you down and keeps you down long enough. You reach the end of yourself and know that only God can change things.
This is where I am right now. I’m desperate for prayer, strength and major breakthrough. I’ve seen God rescue me too many times not to believe. I feel way too desperate not to keep praying and asking others to join me. Somehow, this is another part of my journey for God’s glory. I absolutely hate how it feels right now. But, I only want God’s will to be done. I will carry this cross as long as God wants me to do.
I appreciate from the bottom of my heart each of your prayers. I will update you as God leads and answers prayers. I just know God wants me to share all of this with you now. Then, later we will all be able to see clearly what God alone has done!
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16
Pastor Craig Crosby 