My friends, some things you have to see to believe. Others things you have to hear to understand. Most people have surface relationships, not real relationships. Recently, I was reminded how real fellowship with one another takes place. It has nothing to do with where you’ve come from, where you are, or who you are with at the time. A forever bond is created between two or more folks when the following principles are at work.

#1: There Must Be REALNESS.

Whether at church, at home, at work, or driving in a car with a friend you can’t have closeness without realness. Being real requires that you acknowledge the truth and the war that is within you. If you’re hurting you say it. If you’re mad you admit it. And, if you care you show it. Realness is the process of taking off your mask, letting down your hair, and discussing life as it really is the good, the bad, and the ugly. If realness is not present all you’ve done is gathered together, but realness will bring you together. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Realness is the beginning of real relationship. It’s the beginning of you connecting your life story with someone else’s story.

#2:  There Must Be BROKENNESS

Talking to anyone who is full of themselves is rarely a pleasant experience. Only brokenness can put us all on the same level. When a group of broken people come together we each share hurt, pain, and disappointment in common. No one feels better than anyone to their right or left. Because we each realize that we are each broken just in different ways. Brokenness levels the playing field and knocks down the barriers of pride that often stands between us.

#3:  There Must Be CONFESSION.

Scripture tells us that confession brings healing. It also brings us one step closer in our knowledge and understanding of one another. You can’t have a deep relationship with anyone until they know your story and you know their story. We must not be afraid to bear our soul to those around us if we expect to have quality relationships. Our past ups and downs shape us into the people we have become. And our confession of our struggles and stress help those around us know who they are really dealing with. Only through confession can the barrier of misunderstanding start to be removed.


Unconditional Love must be present in order for friends or family to feel safe in bearing their soul to another. In order for real relationships to be cultivated there must be a lavishing of God’s grace, forgiveness, and sincere compassion. When someone shares their sorrows, struggles, or frustrations there should be no pointing of fingers or casting of stones. Condemnation will push us apart, but love will pull us together.

#5:  There Must Be CHRIST

Every church and every group of people is full of differences. We all have many different interests and preferences. There are so many things that can separate us from oneness. Jesus Christ creates a bridge like nothing else. We must all see ourselves created by, loved by and accountable to the same God. We must each recognize our need for Jesus Christ our Savior. And, we must understand that Christ wants us to love one another, walk with one another, and encourage one another in this journey called life.

My friends, these principles are critical in producing real relationships anywhere and anytime. These work at home, church, school, your workplace, or with total strangers. Wherever these principles don’t exist there will only be surface and superficial relationship. I personally want no part in any relationship that is not real and rewarding to all involved. Because how can you have a “real relationship” when you’re not able to be real with each other?

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