Still Getting Used To My New Normal
Written: January 5th, 2018
One of those nights I’m just exhausted and desperately needing mental rest. All I’ve done is work on this Sunday’s message since I woke up. I’ve stayed completely off social media purposely for the past two days so I could focus more on hearing God’s voice.
Of course the unexpected snow here in the Low Country has not led to the quietest house with everyone being stuck indoors. With my nerve damage I get so easily overwhelmed and anxious. This past Monday and Tuesday were two of my worst back to back days in quite sometime. All I could do was take some Valium and prayerfully cry things out.
No doubt that the cooler weather has sent shockwaves throughout my entire nervous system. I now wear two layers of clothing both day and night to keep my body warmer. It really has worked in keeping things bearable. But, one thing is certain this nerve pain is never going away apart from a miracle from God.
I can’t study like I used to. I can’t counsel like I used to. I can’t enjoy physical activities like I used to. I can’t do hospice like I used to. It’s now been over 2 years since I’ve seen a hospice patient. I’ve still not been cleared by my doctor to return back to work full time and they won’t let me come back part-time.
There are so many things I miss and have changed because of my back injury. Even still I’m determined to trust that God knows what He is doing. He turns accidents into appointments. He takes road blacks and makes them road ramps. He takes what feels so bad and works it all together for our good.
I give to you my brokenness both inside and out. I give you the past, present, and future. I know You have a plan. And whatever You want, I want. No matter how painful things feel in the present I thank You for what you’re doing in the midst of the pain. Please grant me the peace, strength, and faith to keep seeking Your will no matter what this life brings. Thank You for Your daily grace and mercy!
I’m Jesus Name I Pray!