Waiting On My World To Change
Written: January 6th, 2018
I struggle these days to even describe how I feel. It’s nothing new I can tell you. The words freshly on my tongue are tormented, miserable, painful, perplexed, impatient, distracted, discouraged, exhausted, shocked and waiting on things to change. I feel like I’ve been waiting for eternity, but it’s actually only been 27 months and counting since nerve pain wrecked my former way of life.
If you’ve struggled with anything major for quite some time eventually you lose track of time. The only thing you know is it’s been way too long since you’ve felt normal. Yet, this life is full of having to embrace new normals. Constantly you’re having to deal with the “death” of life as you once knew it. And I’m afraid grief is often complicated as we try to find peace with our current situation.
After awhile of struggling you really don’t want to talk much about it. You know everybody has struggles and you don’t want to seem like the chief pessimist who is constantly complaining. Yet, I know firsthand that when something has a grip on your life it pretty much dictates your life. There isn’t a single moment not impacted by the struggle within you.
After awhile you feel you’ve been waiting forever at a bus stop. You’re wondering when God will swoop down and save the day. Eventually you wonder if He will ever change things back to how they used to be and feel. You long for things not to be such a fight.
It truly takes all that you have to free fall into the arms of Jesus and just trust Him. Especially when you’re so weak and wondering where this road will lead. But, then you’re reminded that God never asked you to figure anything out, but to fully trust Him to work it all out.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”