God Shorten My Days
Last night, I went to sleep at 1am and I’m just fully waking up at 1pm. While my night was anything but uneventful I’m constantly asking God to shorten my days. Why? Because right now most minutes feel like hours and some hours feel like days. Even during my sleep I often feel my heart throbbing and it just feels difficult to breath. Constantly I’m toss, turning, and changing position just hoping for some relief. Even now I have to take deep, intentional breaths just trying to settle myself down.
Don’t worry about anything life threatening as both my heart rate and blood pressure appear fine. The anxiety level within me is like a wave that you can only ride on a surfboard. Fortunately, this is not totally unfamiliar territory for me. I’ve been riding this unpredictable wave so long that I can do so in my sleep. It’s never comfortable, enjoyable, or something I would ever want in my life. But, it’s life as I know it in this present season and valley.
One of my coping approaches is to do everything I can to shorten my days. To sleep as long as possible and to get to bed before my pain escalates any further. While I have dealt with many depressing moments it’s not depression that makes me not want to see too many hours of daylight. Trust me, I’ve got plenty to live for and look forward to in this life. I’m just trying to holding on to Jesus, remain faithful, and allow God to use this seemingly unbearable time of my life for His glory. You just learn after awhile that you can only take so much and need to be very methodical in how you use your energy. So, once again I will ask God to shorten my day, but to have His way fully in my life from sun up to sun down!
(Psalm 143)(NLT) “Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my plea!
Answer me because you are faithful and righteous. Don’t put your servant on trial, for no one is innocent before you. My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave. I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don’t turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. Rescue me from my enemies, LORD; I run to you to hide me.Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”