Waking Up Afraid
For so long all my days have felt much the same. And much to my surprise they are only getting harder. I wake up with fear seeking to grip my soul. I can’t imagine what I would feel like if I was faithless. I would have long ago given up and fallen apart. I can totally understand why those without faith completely crumble under such distress. I’ve felt one step away myself for longer than I care to admit.
I realize many look to me to be their a rock. But, life has revealed more than ever that I’m just a man holding on to the rock of ages. My legs are barely underneath me before I even get out the bed. In fact, it’s all I can do to get out the bed. My depression deepens as my body keeps failing me. Pain shoots through my body with every move or step. Often, I feel I’m just having a bad dream and I long to wake up from this nightmare. I wake up afraid desperate to hear words of hope and see some sign of improvement.
The first thing I do now is reach for my bible which sits beside my bed. Only in God’s word do I find any sign of certainty. Only in God’s word do I find truth that will never change in the midst of my ever changing circumstance. Only in God’s word do I find hope beyond the fear that circles over me like a bunch of hungry buzzards. Only in God’s word do I find reason to hold on and to be assured of who is still holding on to me.
(Psalm 55) 1 Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! 2 Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. 4 My heart pounds in my chest. 5 Fear and trembling overwhelm me and I can’t stop shaking. 16 But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. 17 Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. 18 He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me. 22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.