It Steals My Joy

I’m back in the tub just hoping once again for some relief. I’ve only been out of the bed since 3pm. I was only out of the house for 3 hours for some pool therapy. But, it just doesn’t take much for my back to quickly get into a bind. I simply can’t drive or sit in any position long. Even laying down I spent hours with my legs just throbbing. It drains me, hurts me, and rips the joy out of my life. It leaves me just trying to catch my breath and settle my nerves.

Tomorrow I go back to see my primary doctor. We will discuss whether I should get my present stimulator battery surgically replaced with a battery that is totally MRI friendly. We will also evaluate what can be done to better manage my pain and my nerves. Honestly, I’m just praying for any relief that could improve my quality of life. I feel like no one around me has any answers or hopeful suggestions.

I’m exhausted from this journey. I’m tired of even having to explain what I can’t understand myself. I feel like a prisoner inside my own body. I’m trying with all my might to just be still and let God be God. But, the pain just tears you down after awhile and leaves you begging for relief. I know God is fighting for me, but I also know I’m in a constant fight. The enemy is doing his best to totally discourage, depress and destroy me. I’m totally having to trust Jesus with my life.

Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10

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