From Chaos To Contentment

Lightning In A BottleFor the first time in ages my nerve pain has been manageable for nearly 3 days. What that means is I don’t have to constantly feel like I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. It’s no surprise the main medication helping me is used to help prevent seizures. I’m now close to taking the maximum dose prescribed and I realize apart from God things won’t stay the same for long.

I’ve been saying forever to my doctor I’ve felt like I’ve had many neurological seizures. In a matter of seconds my entire body can be surging from feet to face with nerve pain. Valium by my bedside has saved me from many emergency room visits. After nearly 2 1/2 years I’ve finally started learning somewhat how to proactively stay on top of my outburst. Things can easily be triggered by just conversation, sounds, lack of proper rest, and almost any kind of stress. Honestly, I try not to dwell on what the future holds for me.

I still live with many limitations, constant lower body pain, and even struggle to put on my own socks and shoes. However, I’m actually happy and content. I know what it feels like to feel much worse and wish you weren’t even awake. I’m now grateful for anything I can do instead of just focus on what I can’t do. I’m still striving daily for improvement and I believe God can heal me. However, I’m beyond thankful for every quality moment and good day. Of course, it’s always easier to say you’re content in your stronger moments.

“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:11-13

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