Take My Life Lord

Jesus on the cross

Today was my first Sunday back preaching in twenty one days. I knew it would be an emotional return. Not just because it takes my whole heart, but I knew my nerve pain would be totally unpredictable. Of course, the night I needed rest the most was nothing short of a nightmare. But, I anticipated satan would do anything he could to cripple me further.

This morning I basically drank the equivalent of six cups of coffee just to break the haze my morning meds produce. Even still I couldn’t mask the internal chaos going on inside of me. Honestly, it’s never easy to uncontrollably sob in front of volumes of people. But, I couldn’t let that vulnerability keep me from teaching God’s word. In fact, I’m sure I left no doubt to any hearers that this pastor is still a complete mess.

Now, while I stayed very uncomfortable inside my own skin I knew transparency was critical. How can I expect others to take their mask off if I refuse to pull off mine. I wondered what people would think when I seemed so broken. I especially wondered what my own children would think seeing their dad demonstrate such brokenness.

Then, I just prayed that God would use my brokenness as a platform to demonstrate His power. I gave all I had to give because Jesus Christ gave all He could give for my soul. I can rest well knowing that possibly my willing sacrifice led someone to the One who made the ultimate sacrifice on that cross for them and sinners like me.

“ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”
1 John 3:16


1 Comments on “Take My Life Lord”

  1. Give me real transparency over polished artifice any day! You hit a home run, and gave the devil a black eye. You knocked it out of the ball park to people who are struggling, also. Those who didn’t understand the nature of the warfare leveled against them left today with a clearer picture, Even in your pain and through the haze, God was speaking powerfully to His people through you. You delivered His message today. Get some rest, God is surely smiling on you. bl


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