Take My Life Lord
Today was my first Sunday back preaching in twenty one days. I knew it would be an emotional return. Not just because it takes my whole heart, but I knew my nerve pain would be totally unpredictable. Of course, the night I needed rest the most was nothing short of a nightmare. But, I anticipated satan would do anything he could to cripple me further.
This morning I basically drank the equivalent of six cups of coffee just to break the haze my morning meds produce. Even still I couldn’t mask the internal chaos going on inside of me. Honestly, it’s never easy to uncontrollably sob in front of volumes of people. But, I couldn’t let that vulnerability keep me from teaching God’s word. In fact, I’m sure I left no doubt to any hearers that this pastor is still a complete mess.
Now, while I stayed very uncomfortable inside my own skin I knew transparency was critical. How can I expect others to take their mask off if I refuse to pull off mine. I wondered what people would think when I seemed so broken. I especially wondered what my own children would think seeing their dad demonstrate such brokenness.
Then, I just prayed that God would use my brokenness as a platform to demonstrate His power. I gave all I had to give because Jesus Christ gave all He could give for my soul. I can rest well knowing that possibly my willing sacrifice led someone to the One who made the ultimate sacrifice on that cross for them and sinners like me.
“ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”
1 John 3:16