I’m No Longer That Guy
I used to be someone you could call on anytime and any place in life. I would drop what I was doing. I would listen with full compassion. I would discern your greatest needs with the help from God above. And, I would always provide a ministry of presence when necessary for your comfort through the deepest, darkest moments of your life.
While I hate to admit it I’m no longer able to fully be that guy. Nerve pain for me is like kryptonite to Superman draining all my once had special powers. Don’t get me wrong I realize anything I once could do was because of Jesus’ super powers. But, I’ve been that kind of minister for so long it’s like grieving a death. Honestly, my heartache is not for me, but all the people I care deeply about in this life.
I used to be able to visit as many as 25-30 people per week that were in crisis. I’ve preached three funerals in a week before a few times. I used to spend all night if necessary just helping someone find peace with Jesus. But, now the slightest crisis or conversation almost shuts me mentally and physically down. Nerve pain literally surges through every part of my body with just the thought of these things.
I’ve done more in a week over two plus years ago than I’ve ever done in the past two years combined. It’s hard to accept your new normal, but at some point you have to accept the cold hard truth. I’m learning, I’m grieving, I’m trying, and I’m doing all I can to trust Jesus through it all. Everything has a season and I know He knows best.
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”