In My Distress

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It literally feels like I have electricity hooked up to my legs and feet. It’s obvious that my stimulator has me vibrating from within. I contacted my rep who adjusted things this morning. But, she said let’s try to leave it at the setting it’s on until tomorrow. I promised to do my best as it interrupts each breath I take.

Honestly, my heart has just been pounding all day after last night’s extreme itching, the fear of itching again like that, and thinking about laying in that MRI machine. My battery still hurts so bad when pressed against something firm. They contacted me about an hour ago and said they’ve done all they can to make my MRI possible tomorrow. The rest is in MUSC’s hands. There is just something unsettling about having someone do something like this to your body when they’ve never done it before in their life. They still aren’t sure they even can. It’s been like an ongoing nightmare that I just want over and done.

My blood pressure was pretty high at the doctor’s office this morning and I doubt it’s great right now. I’m trying my best to wait until the morning to take any Valium. Some say I’m so strong, but they don’t see me shaking on the inside. My tears are many even though my faith in God is strong. I’m just trying to hold on day by day. Truthfully, I can’t swallow more than one hour at a time. I’m giving it up again Lord asking you to settle my heart, calm my nerves, and renew my mind.

“I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me.”
Psalm 120:1

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