Toughest Time Of My Life
My body feels like it must be at least 40 years older than my actual age. I’ll be the first to admit that I used to joke about the Life Alert commercial all the time. You know the one that has someone lying on the floor saying “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” I can’t joke now that I actually know what it feels like to be in that predicament. It has turned my life upside down and made everything feel like such a chore.
While I still feel extremely blessed I’m also very burdened. The days seem to be getting longer and the nights harder. My favorite time by far is when I’m fast asleep thanks to my medication. However, every time I wake up there are no real enjoyable moments. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I just felt good and was able to ignore this constantly aching body. The only way I could change that for now would be to load up on enough medication where I’m not even sure what planet I’m on.
Now, while this is by far the toughest season of my life I’ve not given up hope. I still know a God who can and will change things in His perfect timing. God won’t put on me more than “He” can handle. He keeps showing me that I can make it through any valley because He is with me. God has rearranged my entire life perspective. I no longer ask why, but what Lord do you want me to do at this time? He just keeps saying trust me son and let me complete the work I started in you long ago. I know God is at work all the time even if I feel miserable most of the time. This work is not about me, but about Him. This work is not for human minds to understand, but for God’s light to shine in the midst of my greatest darkness. So, “This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.”
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)