There Is No In Between

img_0230I’m certain that if you polled 1000 people who battle severe chronic pain you would discover most have the following in common. When it comes to being in pain there is rarely any in between. Either you’re totally uncomfortable in pain. Or you’re in total zombie mode with limited pain. At least this has been my experience so far in my long journey. 

The past 48 hours my pain has been greatly decreased. I can actually say it’s been consistently manageable. My stimulator is buzzing away the best it has up to this point. My old and new medications are working wonders as if I had a constant morphine drip inside. There is only one big problem I’m still miserable. 

Each of my legs feel 100 pounds a piece. My head feels like it’s constantly spinning. I feel groggy and in need of sleep all day. In fact, it feels like an absolute chore just to get out of the bed and go to the bathroom. I’m praying this is just a season and I can either get used to the meds or get to quit taking them soon. I’ve certainly felt more depressed than encouraged. It’s either due to my meds or just the awareness of my condition. Who know maybe it’s a combo of both. 

Deep within I’m far from giving up this fight towards recovery. Yet, I’ve had to wave my white flag admitting this battle is way bigger than me. I feel like a hostage inside of my own body. A lot in my life right now is not easy and could easily crush my spirit. I’m praying constantly and trusting God for my breakthrough. My legs ache and my heart hurts. I feel like I’m in the bottom of a deep well filled with water up to my eyeballs. All I can do is cry out to my God for help. So far, He has never let go of my hand or let me drown.

“You do what is right, so come to my rescue. Listen to my prayer and keep me safe.” Psalm 71:2

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