FAITH WALKING Category

Hoping To Say “Goodbye Donut”

After a couple weeks of dealing with this tailbone (coccyx) pain there’s light in front of me. Got a call from pain management that I will be given a shot this coming Monday at 8:30am. After having things rejected by insurance this past Monday there was no way this could be approved anytime soon. That’s […]

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Remembering Your Faithfulness

Lord I’m doing my best to listen for your voice. In the midst of the madness I know you’re at work. You’re calling loudly for my attention. You’re telling me to “be still and know that you are God.” You’re asking me to give up the fight and let you fight for me. The pain […]

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WANTED: Those In Great Pain

Those who battle chronic pain are my tribe. I deeply understand your frustrations, heartaches and fears. The past few years of my life have felt like a nightmare after a major accident drastically changed my life. In fact, apart from my faith and support system there’s no telling where my life could be headed. I’ve […]

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It Ain’t Nothing But A Tailbone

Earlier I spent a long time on the phone with my current pain specialist office. You know the ones that could make me go crazy any minute. It won’t be until July until I can see my new pain management doctor. Until then I’ve got to do all I can get this much needed injection […]

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Waiting With Expectancy

Today was another God made day. I woke up early feeling as strong I can remember in awhile. I was energized to preach God’s word to two full services of worshippers. The first service I preached standing up for the first time in over six months. I just felt as close to normal as I’ve […]

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God Is So So Good

Today has been nothing short of a God made day. From the great night sleep God allowed. To waking up feeling stronger than I have in well over a week. Two days ago I wondered if I could even attend my son’s graduation. Yesterday I went to bed just hoping I could endure the long […]

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Depleted and Hopeful

Well, there’s no denying how much my stimulator helps me overall. This time it was off for fifteen hours before they switched it back on. Not having it on has practically drained everything out of me. My entire body head to toe just feels depleted of all strength, pain relief and energy. When I got […]

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Prayer Changes Things

My body never hurt any worse than it did last night. I went to bed barely able to move. My wife had to help me to bed like I had just had major surgery. The tears rolled without my permission. All I could do was keep silently saying “Lord please give me a break from […]

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I Know I’m A Pastor But….

This is my 11th blog post in just 4 days. That usually only means one thing. It’s been a very painful week. The good moments I can easily count on one hand. I’ve tried my absolute best to keep my composure and keep the faith. Yet, pain of this magnitude breaks you down in every […]

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God I Need Relief

I feel like nobody understands me. My body stills feels like it’s on fire inside. Add on top of that aching flu like symptoms. Add to that every fiber of my lower back, tailbone, hips and legs throbbing with pain. Having to shut this unit off so long has taken a huge toll on my […]

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Chased By A Lion

Let’s see where do I begin with this one. Most of you know that I’ve had to turn my stimulator off at least six times this week alone. I’ve never turned it off more than once any week over the last two years. Yet, it continues to fry me from within and had to be […]

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When The Pain Won’t End

Pain never comes at a welcoming time. It interrupts your life when you least expect it. Severe pain demands your respect and must be addressed. There’s certainly no need to mask it when others can see it pouring out of you. It has certainly knocked down my walls of pride many times. . Now, I’m […]

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The Battle Is Constant

Sunday’s message must be something amazing. I’m sitting here seeking to let God feed me His life changing word. I’m literally blinded by the nonstop misery in my body. Instead of things decreasing the past 1 1/2 hours my misery has escalated. It’s frightening, miserable and intolerable wrapped all together. My greatest hope is for […]

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I Don’t Know What To Pray

I absolutely hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve now had to turn off my spinal stimulator completely for the second time today. Being over stimulated is like putting me in an electric chair. It makes me feel terrible and like I’m going crazy. Focusing is impossible and everything puts me […]

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Lightening Strikes Again

Turned my spinal stimulator off for the second time today. There’s no doubting that I’ve been very over stimulated. Electrical pulses have been running throughout my body. Any sound or movement around me can trigger me to feelings of insanity. It’s like I’ve swallowed a metal detector and metal is everywhere. I know it sounds […]

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God Is Restoring Me

Been a long day in the Crosby household. Life just hasn’t slowed down the past several days. I’m still having to use my cane due to leg weakness and major tailbone pain. Hoping I hear within a week that my requested pain shot is approved. Just in a wait and see over several key things […]

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Remember When

Most of you remember the day you heard the news. When the doctor came in and told you something you weren’t ready to receive. You immediately put up every defense mechanism possible. Then, you walked out that doctor’s office very much in shock. That life changing visit would then be followed by endless days of […]

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I Would Rather Just Pray

Oh how much easier it is to pray for someone else struggling than to go through certain things yourself. Actually it’s easier to have faith for others than to trust God with yourself. I would much rather stay by the bedside of someone. Than to be in the bedside hurting one day myself. Not that […]

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Shaking My Head

It’s been a rough, painful day since I woke up at 6am. I thought my legs hurt badly last night. However, when I woke up today I could barely drag them even while using my cane. I only slept a few hours. So I knew today would be tough. I have had a busy few […]

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To Whom It May Concern

I’m sharing this now before my nerves change my mind. Many have seen my constant struggle firsthand. The fact that a major slip and fall turned my life completely upside down. Leaving me with permanent nerve damage throughout my lower body. This has totally exposed my humanity. It’s made me feel very low and less […]

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My Legs Are Gone

Right now my legs are out from under me. Never are they feeling great. But, they are miles from great right now. I’ve had to use my cane most of the day in order to take pressure off my lower body. Saying my legs even feel more than 25 percent of full strength would be […]

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Only Half That Man

In my heart and mind I’m stronger than ever. However, my body feels so weak. I’m still in the process of accepting my new limitations. In many respects my new identity is still tough to embrace. Unfortunately, I really have no other choice than to swallow my new reality. I would say I’m beyond the […]

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I Had Hoped By Now

There’s been so many times I thought my worse painful days were behind me. Call it wishful thinking or just pure optimism. I always chose to believe my glass is half full, not empty. In fact, I believe I’m blessed beyond measure even now. I just wish this nagging, nauseating, life altering nerve pain would […]

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Somehow I’m Walking On Water

As I get ready for bed my heart overflows with peace. Somehow today has felt the total opposite of the past few days. My pain is bearable and my anxiety is nowhere to be found. Of course, I have to always respect my condition. What a difference God can make in just a day. His […]

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The Lift I Needed

The past two days have been extremely tough. In fact, today I had to use my walking stick for the first time in six months. My legs have just gotten so weak due to this radiating tailbone pain. Yet, today God provided just the lift I needed. Obviously, laying in the bed constantly was just […]

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Where Are You Sleep?

Usually by now I’m fast asleep. My nighttime medications help me get the sleep I can’t get on my own. Somehow that’s not the case tonight, but hopefully that changes soon. My wife is fast asleep beside me. Typically I’m out way before her. Sleep is definitely one of the best ways for the body […]

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Reality Checks

Laying on my side once again just waiting on my meds to take me to never hurt land. It’s crazy how one small area of pain has me dragging so much. It’s breathtaking to walk at all and there is no comfortable sitting position. Thank God for a great heating pad and medication that will […]

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No One Wants To Hear It

Recently, a lady who is part of this page told me. “Nobody including my own my mom wants to hear that I’m in pain. So now I just sit there miserable in silence or just choose not to be around any of my family.” I told her that is very sad, but is exactly why […]

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Calm Yourself Down

These were the words of my loving, patient wife earlier that needed to be said. Only problem with that request is I can’t always control my body or emotions with this level of pain. I woke up this morning with radiating nerve pain in the lowest nerves in my spine. I knew it was seeking […]

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Maybe You Need To Hear This

I feel led to take the mask off. Not that I’m not transparent all the time. However, I heard a comment recently from someone that unsettled me. This lady said, “I don’t know how you do it. I wish I was as strong as you and your faith.” While I appreciate the encouraging side of […]

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Jaws Is Back In Town

Forgive me for this misleading title for those terrified of sharks. I wouldn’t want to swim in a pool with one of them myself. Unfortunately, I have officially recognized a very big threat to my health nearby. It may sound like nothing to you, but it has proven dangerous to me over time. Therefore, I […]

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Celebrating The Good Stuff

Yesterday was a good day for me considering my condition. Despite it being Memorial Day Weekend many came out for worship. God was once again at work in many lives. I got to share the vision God gave me years ago for Refuge Church. Even greater I get to see God doing great things I […]

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5 Ways To Lift Your Spirit

The longevity of my painful journey has taught me many things. How to believe God when you can’t see anything changing. How to persevere when you feel like giving up. How to wait on God for your breakthrough. I’ve also learned some things critical for keeping your spirit lifted along the way. 1. Be Proactive […]

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I Had To Unplug Myself

The technician that has adjusted my spinal cord stimulator many times said “Mr. Crosby your nerves are super sensitive.” For this reason my unit can only run so high. It doesn’t take much for me to feel it buzzing strongly like electricity inside. If it buzzes too long I feel like I’m going crazy. Yes, […]

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Thank God For Pool Therapy

I’ve been feeling so much better since I got in the pool this afternoon. Being in there cooled and comforted my body so much. No doubting that it lowers my feelings of inflammation. The exercise calms my anxiety and nerve pain. I’m so glad the warmer weather affords me this opportunity. I will be seeking […]

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One Day It Will End

When you have chronic pain you tend to live on a constant merry go round. You wake up in pain. You go through the day in pain. When you try to lay down at night to sleep your pain speaks even louder. The main theme is your battle is never ending. It was after 2am […]

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My Heart Hurts Deeply

Tonight, I attended proudly my son Joel’s final band awards ceremony. I can’t believe my next to oldest is about to graduate high school. That’s gonna be very tough to swallow by itself. However, what hurts so deeply is my absence during his entire high school years. Less than a month into his freshmen year […]

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The Strength Of My Life

I’ve been awake since 4am. No, I’m not an early riser. Yes, I’m still very sleepy. My aching body just has me lying awake again. Nothing unusual with this nerve pain feeling like ice running throughout my body. However, this nauseating feeling is something you never get over. God just keeps taking me through. Recently, […]

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Learning To Breathe

Part of its my very nature. A huge part has just been the feeling of demand on my life for so long. I used to jokingly say that someone was always dying to see me. Sadly, somewhere in my mind I actually believed this lie. I literally treated everything urgent. I felt like I was […]

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Time To Embrace It

I totally believe in being positive. I totally believe in maintaining a faith that says anything is possible. I also believe you need to acknowledge life’s realities while maintaining your faith. Living in denial changes nothing. Moving from denial gives you a chance to make the most of your present new reality. Anyone who lives […]

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Please Cover Me In Prayer

Woke up this morning no worse than I laid down last night. It was a rough night of off and sleep. I think I’ve gained back some mobility in my neck & left shoulder. I just keep having to ice, ice, and ice. This area is so sore, but fortunately trending the right direction. I […]

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Thank God I’m Never Alone

As I lay here on my side the nerves are beginning to settle. My wife and boys had been gone to see a movie. As soon as my better half arrived my heart was more at peace. Just her presence by my bedside lifted my spirit. Knowing she is here for me through life’s ups […]

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In My Distress

It’s never a good sign when you’re taking all your nighttime meds two hours early. A muscle relaxer hours ago helped a little. Icing my neck and shoulder helped some too. Sadly the pain just won’t let up and has come back even stronger. I’m back laying on ice and waiting on several medications to […]

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It’s So Embarrassing

I had just gotten out the shower and all I did was lift one arm in the air. Next thing I know my entire left shoulder is out of commission. Yes, as if I needed further issues. It’s as if a million muscle spasms attacked me all at once. It was all I could do […]

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Mercy Is Rewriting My Life

There were certainly days in the past I wondered if this would ever be possible. My broken body has and still does threaten my joy each day. Never does a step feel easy or an event not challenge my limitations. I still wake up daily fighting to get up and I go to bed fighting […]

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Beware Of Cruise Control

Personally, I don’t want to drive my car without it. You know that button you push that frees you to relax a little. It allows you to take your foot off the gas and brake. In fact, it’s too bad you still have to hold the steering wheel. Otherwise, you might be tempted to just […]

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It’s Like Waking From A Coma

They say waking from a coma is scary. You’re confused about what has or has not happened. You’ve possibly missed a lot of real life moments as you were busy battling for your very life. You fight to get back adjusted to living normal. Yet, there’s no denying your time in that coma affected you […]

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Get Me Out The Way

A few years ago, I knew God had me in a huge transition period. I remember saying, “Lord when you’re done there won’t be anything left of me.” Despite my concerns God continued to stretch me. Despite my fears God continued to test me. Now, despite me God is doing a new thing. There was […]

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Take Time To Breathe

I’m happy to say it’s 5pm and I’ve not left the house once. Even better I’ve not spent this Monday engaged in any major ministry. Monday’s are officially my day of rest except for true emergencies. Yes, my phone rings many times. Yes, there are still countless needs coming my way hourly. However, God has […]

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Humming Along

Today has been a very long Mother’s Day. I believe God did a whole lot despite me at both morning worship services. After church we gathered with my mom and family. Then, tonight we gathered with my mother in law and family. Overall, today was four times as active than I am on any average […]

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Daddy, I Got Your Back

None of my boys have seen my daily battle more than my 9 year old Asher. Since age 5 he has seen the good, bad and ugly due to my nerve wrecked condition. He’s watched me barely be able to walk a step. He’s watched me spend day after day in a bed of misery […]

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When We Were Younger

My emotions have been calm and consistent the past two days. I’ve certainly learned not to take any decent days for granted. While I don’t like physical pain it’s typically my unpredictable nerves that take me over the edge. Even my physical pain has been kept bearable as I continue to respect my condition. Yet, […]

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Kicking, Screaming, & Praising God

Today has by far been my best day this week. Ironically, Thursday was my turning point last week. For the past two weeks in a row Monday through Wednesday has been an outright war. The kind of days you just want to end and hardly a second is enjoyable. No doubt, I’m back in a […]

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Write It Out And Believe

Sometimes you have things inside that just need out. You may not have the strength to say them out loud. You may not have the courage to speak them directly to someone. However, it’s just too heavy to stay on your chest and shoulders. I feel this way often with my health battle. I choose […]

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I Can’t Run From Myself

Once again I’m laying on my side just hoping for the pain to settle. I pretty much never take a nap during the day. Not because I don’t want to, but my body simply won’t allow it. There is basically no position I can lay down that allows me to be comfortable. I would have […]

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It’s Why I Keep Writing

This is my 990th article to post. Tonight while meeting with a very dear brother in Christ I was reminded why I keep writing. I will never forget the first time I read how many people were actually reading my writings. I thought I was just sharing my thoughts and experiences. My online blog stats […]

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It Never Fails To Happen

Practically every morning feels like today. I wake up feeling like every nerve inside my body has been ripped out. It’s such an aching, throbbing, nauseating experience. It’s all I can do to sit up. It usually feels impossible to get up. This has been going on so long you would think it would get […]

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When You Can’t Sleep

Not long ago, this was truly a nightly occurrence. My unbearable pain was constant. I simply couldn’t sleep no matter what I tried. I would beg God for relief from the misery. I would ask other believers to pray on my behalf. All glory to God those days appear behind me. Now, it’s been over […]

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Don’t Just Survive

I’m not sure there is any greater school than the one full of hard knocks. In many ways we do learn most by experience. All of us have been through things that feed our brokenness, humility and life understanding. Yet, it’s not what happens to us that matters most. It certainly matters most how we […]

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Broken Not Finished

The day I fell ruined my life as I once knew it. It shattered by lower back disc and most of my nervous system. No day has been the same since that life changing moment. I’m not sure I can define my body’s condition any better than just broken. Everyday is a physical chore as […]

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God Answered My Prayers

It’s been a God made day. Nothing earth shattering to tell you. In fact, it was far from the best day of my life. But, I feel like I’ve been let out of prison. The past three days was like being held hostage and tormented continuously. I was begging God for freedom from the pain. […]

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So Thankful For Rest & Relief

Praise God! I just finished sleeping 11 hours and 11 minutes. It certainly feels like my stimulator is back to working its magic. I’m a little sluggish. But, I know I’ve got to maintain respect of my limitations. I’m back to monitoring my daily activity. I must do whatever necessary to give myself the best […]

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The Worse Days Of My Life

The hardest days to push through are those you feel nothing but miserable. Yet, you have to find a way to push through anyway. In the moment, you just can’t see yourself making it another step. Even to get up feels like a challenge. Trying to show up feels nearly impossible. Today has definitely been […]

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Lord I Thank You

God just put it on my heart how to praise Him through this storm. There’s so much that makes me smile each day. There are so many blessings I’ve received through my pain. Honestly, I can’t name them all. Here are just a few that stand out. One, I’ve been drawn closer to God. This […]

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There’s Nothing More Doctors Can Do

I wish so badly things weren’t this way. My pain continues to feel breath taking. Its draining every ounce of my strength. My legs feel like they can barely move. I couldn’t hide my battle if I tried. My wife asked earlier “don’t you think you should go to the doctor?” That’s when the cold […]

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Waiting In Pain Is Hard

Woke up again this morning with this terrible nerve wrecking sensation running throughout my body. My spinal stimulator has got to be completely out of sync. What has always worked before just isn’t working now. I slept 7 1/2 hours with the help of medications. I’m very thankful for the break I did get from […]

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The Breakthrough Is Undeniable

An hour before they came I could feel my tear ducts giving way. After some tears rolled down my face I thought I would be just fine once the prayer team arrived. I was laying on my side in our living room just trying to settle down my nerve wrecked body. My heating pad was […]

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I Guess I Need More Prayer

Why is prayer often our last option? Why does God have to allow greater struggles before we truly choose to rely on His great power? Why can’t we fully embrace that some things can only work out through prayer? Prayer is a discipline we all must practice. Prayer is the key to opening up the […]

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Let Me Fight For You

Had a very rough night and early morning. Dealing with my condition is like riding a roller coaster. One minute I’m up and the next I’m turned upside down. One minute I don’t feel so bad. Then, my body feels paralyzed from head to toe in deep, deep pain. Last night I got into bed […]

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I Know Better

Woke up this morning hurting so badly. Every nerve in my lower body feels angry and broken. I can’t say I’m surprised after a weekend that jumped all my necessary guardrails. I know better than to stay on my feet that long. I know doing anything extensively three days in a row puts me in […]

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Understanding Your Pastor

I always strive to be transparent. I firmly believe confession is key to healing. That honesty is necessary for understanding. That we should seek to recognize each other’s humanity and struggles. So, here are a few realities concerning most pastors. First, you must know that pastors are just messengers. Every sermon we preach to you […]

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The Battle Is Constant

Recently, I had someone ask a question many have asked recently. “So, are you all better now?” To that I replied, “Absolutely not, but I’m dealing with things much better.” This person said, “But I thought you were no longer in pain and able to do whatever you want. I heard you were back preaching […]

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Living My New Normal

The bad news is my body has not been miraculously healed. The great news is I’m learning how to make the most of my new normal. I’ve concluded there are three stages for anyone battling some life altering condition. One, you have to acknowledge that life has changed. It doesn’t mean you ever fully accept […]

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Trapped In My Body

40 Day- Day 13- Trapped In My Body I’m not losing faith or hope in what God can do. However, there is some panic setting into my heart. What if this never changes this side of heaven? Will I continue suffering to this degree? Could it get even worse than what I’m feeling right now? […]

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40 Days-Day 2 The Pain Is Real

For so long I had such high hopes prior to getting my last caudal injection. A caudal injection is an injection into the lowest portion of the epidural space. A caudal steroid injection can help reduce lower back and leg pain caused by sciatica, herniated discs, bone spurs or other back problems. For me my […]

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40 Days- Day 2 Early Morning

It’s six in the morning and God has my full attention. Instead of checking the latest Facebook posts I’m meditating on scripture. After all every word equips us most for the battle at hand. Every word is God preparing us for the spiritual battle at hand. One we can’t fully see, but we can feel. […]

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40 Days Take Two

Written: 3/18/19 Here I am again right where I found myself eight months ago. Well, not exactly where I was but my I’m not far from it. The past few months has exposed just how far I still have to go. My body is still broken, my nerve damage is still life altering and I’m […]

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Update For Now

I won’t be posting things on here for quite awhile as I’m in another transition and healing season. I will post for now what I wrote yesterday and today so you have a little clue as to what’s going on with my faith journey.

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10 Keys To Maintaining A Healthy Me

*These are things God has shown me I must do to live healthy. Maybe you need to write a top 10 list. I plan to print this out and keep it before me for constant remembrance! 1. Take medications the exact same time three times everyday. Missing my Neurontin and especially my CBD caplets has […]

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Your Pain Doesn’t Change God’s Plans

The reason I ever started my Facebook Faith walking page was simple. I needed a place to safely express my pain. Not to wallow in it, but work through it. Because often it’s so unbearable and life disturbing that my sanity relies on it. My prayer has always been that my honesty would give others […]

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The Old Man Is Dead

This has been a very painful, eye opening week. Not because I’ve seen anything I’ve never experienced. Instead, I’ve simply experienced things I hope had gone away. It’s been nearly eight months since I had a week this bad. Long enough that I thought all my greatest issues must have gone away. Boy, did I […]

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Embracing My Weakness, Walking In Strength

Praise God my emergency 5mg valium and muscle relaxer settled my nerve pain and intense itching this morning. I fell asleep for 3 more hours after it settled me. I’m much more stable and things are at least back to bearable for now. When It has me in its vice grips it has me. It’s […]

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I Need Your Prayers Again

I’ve been off social media for several days just hoping to feel better. This entire week has been torture most of the time. Not only has my pain been just as bad as ever. My nerve related itching in my hands and feet has been awful. I’ve maybe slept three hours tossing and turning all […]

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Doing Everything I Can

I’m back in this all too familiar place. Everything near my lower back is aching relentlessly. My entire body feels like ants are all over me. The itching is so intense and just won’t stop. Sadly I’m now having to stay out of the tub that always soothes me the most. But, the water dries […]

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Lord Help Me

Once again I’m laying on my side typing these words with one hand. Things appear to be moving from bad to worse. Shooting nerve pain is rushing from my feet into my face. Deep embedded itching won’t stop in my hands and feet. The pain and anxiety are rising by the minute. Turning down my […]

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Pain Driven Words

Recently, I heard someone say “you can’t write a good song without a broken heart.” I have to say I can truly relate. Without my heartache and pain I would have nothing to write. Most of my words come from desperate places reaching for light. My words are driven by pain looking for hope. My […]

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I Had To Step Away

The last two days have been brutal to my nerves. I clearly reached that point again where panic was knocking relentlessly at my door. The moment I realized I was drowning inside I hit the breaks on everything I could. Social media was the first thing that had to go. One, because I’m not healthy […]

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Here I Go Again

It’s Monday morning and the bees are buzzing all throughout my body. My nerve pain has reared it’s ugly head. Intense itching is running deep within my hands, legs and feet. I knew I was going to wake up to some pain. But, I’ve not dealt with such intensity of this itching in a good […]

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Don’t Just Cry About It

I know they say grown men don’t cry. Well, if that’s the case I’m not grown. Because unfortunately I cry a whole lot. Honestly, just about daily these days. I’m certain I’ve cried many bucket loads over the last 25 years of ministry alone. For me it’s toxic to keep it all inside. After all, […]

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Whether I Like It Or Not

I felt really good all day yesterday. Then, came the night and I began to hurt like crazy. I got in the bed very early hoping to stop my escalating pain. Evidently I was too far gone. I felt misery in my bones all through the night and even in my sleep. Of course, the […]

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Reflection and Resolve at 44

Each day here on earth goes by so fast. Surely life is a vapor and just won’t last. My body fails me daily in fact very often. Yet, I won’t quit fighting until I see a coffin. I’m thankful for every struggle that I’ve faced. I’m learning endurance and amazing grace. God has proven His […]

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I’m So Disappointed

It’s been exactly 10 days since I got that most painful, pain shot. Remember the one that hurt so badly at the time of it. The one that stirred everything back up within my nervous system. The one that took me back down memory lane as I recently emotionally and physically crashed. The one that […]

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TIME FOR A CHANGE

My life for way too long has been wrapped around constant ministry, managing my pain, and looking for any chance possible to spend with family. I rarely if ever watch one minute of television or do anything just to relax. Tonight, I’m going to soak in the tub, watch recorded voice episodes, go to sleep […]

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It’s Just Where I Am

To many looking on all they see is a healthy looking pastor. Someone they desperately need during their time of crisis. Someone they know cares deeply and would do anything to lead them towards God’s best. Someone who is willing to stop whatever he is doing to help them or their loved ones. Someone who […]

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I’m Not Gonna Lie

Maybe someone reading this needs to know you’re not the only one. The only one who feels like your life is upside down. The only one that feels emotionally, physically and mentally drained. The only one that is one step away from a total meltdown. You’re not the only one because I’m right there with […]

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I Can Now Relate To Craziness

For the past 41 months I’ve been dealing with a severe nerve condition. I used to constantly pray that I could just bare the pain. I would beg God nightly for any rest possible. Finally those prayers were answered for the most part. Yet, the leftovers of my nerve damaged condition have been beyond troublesome. […]

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When Your Best Falls Short

Today every fiber of my humanity was exposed. Without warning my health failed and my nervous system totally wrecked. My spinal cord stimulator obviously quit keeping my nerve damage under control. Which for me is like taking oxygen from someone with severe COPD. I felt like crying my eyes out practically all morning. I preached […]

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This Pain Ruins Everything

By the grace of God my current pain didn’t ruin my entire day. However, there is only so long of this constant nerve cringing pain you can take. It’s like being constantly burned deep inside your skin. This nauseating sensation is running constantly throughout my entire body. It’s obvious that my stimulator still just isn’t […]

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My Current Cross To Bear

I know it’s not what anyone wants to hear. Shoot, I’m struggling admitting it to myself. However, for now my nerve pain is not under control. Maybe it never was like I envisioned it in my mind. I pictured it tucked away forever never to return with its misery. I hate this miserable surge within […]

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The Pain Is Back For Now

While I’m typing this I’m just shaking my head in disbelief. It’s been almost exactly four days since I got my long awaited pain shot. As I said before the shot itself was painful. But, later after the shot it appeared greater relief was headed my way. However, I’m now hurting way more in the […]

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Stay Alert My Friends

For reasons I don’t understand I’ve been in a constant battle recently. It’s been a battle of mind, body, and soul. I’ve been doing so well lately. Yet, out of the blue it appears the enemy has kicked me relentlessly from behind again. Isn’t that how it always seems to go down?   You start […]

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My Joy Has Returned

This is for the person who has lost all joy and just can’t see beyond the season. I couldn’t either for quite awhile. It’s been building over the past six months. Not long ago I felt like I was dying completely inside. That there was nothing else I could do or that God might do. […]

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DEAR SUGAR DADDY & MOMMA

Please read this if you care to know how sugar might be killing your body. I’ve been battling severe nerve damage throughout my body the past few years. Many things only God can change and heal. Slowly but surely God is showing me what I can change. Besides proper exercise and rest my daily diet […]

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Painful Shot Update 2/19/19

Got my epidural injection this morning. It by far hurt the most ever during the actual process. I was not numbed beforehand even though I have been every other shot before. Sadly, this was a new place and we were all treated like cattle. I just about came off that table it hurt so bad. […]

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God Still Does Miracles

You are reading the rough draft of the introduction page in my future book. There were days I wondered if I could ever look forward to tomorrow. Honestly, I had long reached the point of feeling absolutely defeated. My greatest efforts seem to change nothing. My prayers were only whispers of desperateness. All I could […]

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I Don’t Want To Feel Rotten

By the grace of God I’ve been dieting the past forty days. It’s a journey I only began in hopes of strengthening my core. My physical therapist said every pound lost would take some pressure off my lower back. So far I’ve gotten rid of sixteen pounds of pressure. I really have been feeling better. […]

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My First Real Flashback

I just left Shoneys in Walterboro after having my first real flash back in 41 months. The food was excellent, but the floor was a major threat to anyone’s health. First, I walked up to the salad bar and almost slipped on the wet floor. Immediately, I went and got management that assured me the […]

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Pain Drains You

Been a long Monday for sure. My wife and I have been out together working on some things. Unfortunately, the pain in my lower back has only been escalating lately. I’ve felt more and more miserable with every step. Whether I like it or not this pain wrecks my life in so many ways. Especially […]

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My How Life Has Changed

I just finished preparing Sunday’s sermon entitled “Why Did That Happen?” It took me until 4am to complete. Why? Because preparing messages nowadays takes me twice the amount of time as before. Plus, I have to do things when my mind can actually focus and I’m not blinded by nonstop pain. Honestly, everything has changed […]

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Always By My Side

Most of what I write is done on my phone with one hand while laying on my side. Once again I’m in my way too regular position. My nerves are flaring, my body is aching and I’m just a shell of my used to be self. Had I not been here well over a thousand […]

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Back On Track

After a very long night and day I believe I’m back on track. My spinal cord stimulator was definitely over stimulating my body. It was turned off most of the day in order to calm the madness it was creating. Turning it off stopped the severe nerve surges, but my lower body pain increased. Even […]

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Desperate For A Hand Up

I received a rare early morning call today from a dear brother in Christ. He had no idea I was struggling so much as I was perfectly fine last night. His call was in reference to other things, but God used him to speak truth in the midst of my pain. I told him I […]

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Hold Me Jesus

Sadly, a few hours of sleep later my nerve condition remains the same. All my wife did was simply open the bedroom door and my nerves ran absolutely wild. Just the screeching of a door made piercing pain run through both legs into my chest. Just her voice and my voice in response made my […]

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In The Moment

In The Moment, you can’t see how this could be good for you. In The Moment, you just want all the pain to go away. In The Moment, you feel like nothing will ever change. In The Moment, you aren’t sure you can deal with anymore. In The Moment, your heart is anxious and your […]

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God Knows

I don’t understand what is going inside of me. It’s like I’m plugged into an electrical outlet. With no warning or request for my permission. My body just won’t quit vibrating and making me crazy. God knows I would give anything to get off this roller coaster of pain. No doubt that God has used […]

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I Should Have Known

I’ve been experiencing some major spiritual breakthroughs recently. God has been at work in mighty ways both in and around me. Things I’ve prayed about for so long. Dreams God gave me years ago have finally been coming true. It’s no coincidence I just ran into another flaming struggle. I hate this feeling so much. […]

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Back For The Moment

Like a cancer that just won’t go into remission. Like a nightmare that just won’t go away. The nerves within me are back to running wild. Something is not holding like it has been. Nothing evidently has been fixed within me. God has just been keeping things under control for awhile. Those who have followed […]

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I’ve Gotta Praise Him

I bought a new Bible a few weeks ago. This time I got the large print. I finally laid to rest my previous study bible I used for over twenty one years. I used to call that totally worn out bible “Watermelon.” Why? Because I love watermelon and I couldn’t wait to eat every word […]

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One Of Those Days

Had one of those days you just survive. Started off with very little sleep. My body has ached intensely all over inside/out. It’s like someone pouring a cold IV throughout my nervous system. My dermatitis has kept me itching. My anxiety has risen as satan tries to tell me I’m quickly rolling backwards. On the […]

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Reasons For Concern

Mornings and evenings are usually my most uncomfortable times. Not only is my pain increased, but the itching is so intense. My dermatitis returned nearly two weeks ago seemingly out of nowhere. However, the past week has been the toughest by far. I can’t begin to describe the torturous pain that goes so deep within […]

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Back In The Game

I went back to my primary doctor yesterday urgent for relief. After 4 terrible nights of sleep and itching. My intense itching has gotten back under control and I was able to sleep over 10 hours. Having to take several Benadryl at night, apply hydrating creams during the day , and stay away from certain […]

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The Attacks Are Relentless

The itching in my hands and feet right now are relentless. I’m not talking about just on top of the skin. I’m talking about an itching sensation that feels like it’s inside my very bones it’s so deep. It hurts so bad and the pain is piercing. I’m definitely going to some doctor first thing […]

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I Feel So Much Better

I got back on my CBD 15Mg caplets around noon today. My body has felt totally different and under control ever since. This stuff has changed my life so much. Here is a link to the exact stuff I use for anyone who may want it. Here is where we will orders our from now […]

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16 Days Of Discipline

I’ve officially been on my diet for 16 days striving to take any unnecessary pressure off my lower back. During this time I’ve only eaten an average of 1367 calories daily. I’ve walked 5.8 miles daily. I’ve now lost a total of 8 1/2 pounds of my 20 pound goal. I’ve done my physical therapy […]

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CBD Caplets Work

There is now no denying how much my 15Mg CBD caplets have helped in changing my life. I typically take two caplets daily. One at 7am and the other at 7pm. This past week I was out of town on a much needed spiritual retreat. In the meantime, my first 30 day supply of caplets […]

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Take The Next Right Step

When I say my life of recovery is all consuming I promise that’s not a lie. From sun up to sun down I keep seeking to take the next faith step. I track every step, watch every calorie and monitor my nightly sleep. I make sure my spinal cord stimulater stays on track and my […]

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A Mutual Blessing

I’ve been out of town all week seeking God’s face over all matters in life. On my way back home I stopped at a Dollar General. There I saw a man who I could tell was struggling to make it. I spoke up at the check out line “I’ll take care of his stuff mam.” […]

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Cuts Right Through Me

Waking up for me lately has been very painful. The cooler weather gets my strong attention around 4am. For the next few hours my body screams for mercy while my mind tries to continue sleeping. This tug of war continues until I’m finally forced to get up. I hate this feeling more than anything. Somehow […]

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Not A Good Night

Last night I took plenty of meds to help me sleep. Well, they definitely helped me fall asleep. But, my body woke me up in the middle of the night. It was as if I was a large wind chime. The colder air just blows clean through my nerves. Even with a steady temperature inside […]

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Momentum Is A God Thing

Overall I’m in a really good place mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. There’s no denying that all these areas are affected by each other. For so long I was just holding on by a thread. Honestly, so worried that I couldn’t hold on much longer. You just reach a point where you can’t take anymore […]

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5 KEYS TO MAKING A BIG DECISION

craigcrosby.blog/2013/02/12/5-keys-to-making-a-big-decision/

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Pour Through Me Lord

For many Sundays is their greatest day of rest and renewal. For me, it’s my greatest day of battle. It’s a day I know will take everything I have to give and then some. It can feel like a million demons are coming my way at once. Usually by the end of the day I’m […]

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Continued Strides

By God’s grace alone I’ve not missed one day of physical therapy this past week. Also, I averaged walking 4.5 miles per day. I can feel my strength and stamina increasing by the day. Also, started dieting yesterday and I’m aiming to lose 20lbs. It’s my only other chance mixed with strengthening my core to […]

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Because Of The Struggle

The battle I went through the past 3 years was the worst days of my life. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. I had so many days of fear, grief and despair. I really didn’t know what the future held. All I knew was the time being missed with my growing family was killing […]

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Quality Family Time

It’s been quite awhile that all three of these words have lined up. I really can’t remember one family getaway the past few years that my health hasn’t ruined. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop my neurological breakdowns. Well, God has changed things and I’m able to enjoy time with my family. […]

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Don’t Give Up

Waiting on my morning meds to kick in. My body reminds me constantly it’s extremely nerve damaged. Sure, I would love to ignore the pain. However, it’s impossible when it’s running throughout my entire body. At it’s worse it feels like a very painful liquid shooting throughout my veins. It can drain me very quickly […]

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11 Days Changed

Eleven days ago my life changed. It was my first appointment with my new pain specialist. It had been at least two years since the words hope and doctor were said in the same sentence. I was only at this appointment to get a referral for another pain shot. But, I would leave this appointment […]

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Where Are You Headed?

This past Sunday, I preached a message God clearly spoke to my heart. Prior to God giving me this message I was very busy. Busy sitting in my bed writing a page full of things I hoped to accomplish in 2019. I was doing my best to create goals and then set out to reach […]

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Dear Weary Soul

Whatever you do don’t stop reading this article. I know you’re overwhelmed. I know you don’t know how much more you can take. I know you just wish all the pain and suffering would immediately come to an end. I know you’re just desperate for relief, comfort and peace. How do I know? I was […]

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Can’t Go But Up

Well, I went to my first physical therapy session in forever this afternoon. My new therapist is very competent and compassionate. I shared with him my up and down journey. We reflected on lessons learned in the past. We looked at what the best approach was for me. After testing my strength from head to […]

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Another Big Step Forward

As today nears an end I have to celebrate. For over seven months straight I’ve been relying on a cane to take pressure off my legs and keep me from falling. I’ve used it so much that my wrist is giving me fits and my legs have gotten even weaker. I’ve known things have to […]

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Gotta Keep Pressing

Sunday’s church services followed by Christmas Eve and Christmas Day wore out my body pretty good. However, I got just the refreshment needed. Last night I slept 10 and 1/2 hours all together. Every joint in my body was singing Hallelujah. I woke up knowing I needed to seize every opportunity to keep pressing forward. […]

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Rescued From A Well

I remember seeing on live television a disturbing, yet relieving rescue mission. Jessica McClure Morales was born on March 26, 1986. She became famous on October 14, 1987, at the age of 18 months after she fell into a well in her aunt’s backyard in Midland, Texas. Between that day and October 16, rescuers worked for […]

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Don’t Bury Your Story

Yesterday, I had to wait an extensive amount of time at my pain specialist’s office. My lower back was long overdue for another pain injection. While in the waiting room God placed beside me a divine appointment. All I needed to do was open my eyes, heart, and mouth when necessary. This middle aged lady […]

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900 Articles Later WOW

On July 26, 2012, God led me to write my first ever blog . I’ve now written over 900 articles read by over 55,000 people in 130 different countries. I am blown away by the lives touched. This venue has given me the opportunity to connect with an audience most of whom I won’t ever […]

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I Refuse To Go Back

Spent the evening out with my 8 year old tonight. We went to Wendy’s, Walmart, and drove around to see some Christmas lights. There is no doubting that I stayed in the driver’s seat for far too long. Nerve pain is presently running from my feet to my face keeping me nauseous. I’ve taken some […]

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Measurable Progress

Most know I’ve been in quite a battle the past three years. I’ve had countless sleepless nights. Many days my body was covered with a nerve driven rash. So many days and nights I wondered how much more I could take. I seriously thought I was having a complete life meltdown. I simply hoped and […]

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Trying To Remove My Crutch

I’ve been relying on a cane day and night for over six months. Whether inside or outside my home it’s always with me. I don’t even walk to the kitchen or bathroom without it. I know it drives my wife crazy. But, I’ve actually become very dependent upon it.  It’s helped keep me from falling […]

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How Am I Doing?

It’s been a very long, but blessed day. Of course, Sunday’s are typically my most challenging days. Today was no exception to that general rule. I spent the entire morning trying to shake the brain fog my meds had given me. Through the preaching of back to back morning sermons I was fighting constantly to […]

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It’s Like This, Now What?

Laying on my side after midnight with the heating pad on high. I’m now way more comfortable than before. Earlier, I just had another miserable reality check. I got out for a few hours with my precious wife. The entire trip was not good for her or me. I chose to drive the first 30 […]

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