FAITH WALKING Category

Embracing My Weakness, Walking In Strength

Praise God my emergency 5mg valium and muscle relaxer settled my nerve pain and intense itching this morning. I fell asleep for 3 more hours after it settled me. I’m much more stable and things are at least back to bearable for now. When It has me in its vice grips it has me. It’s […]

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I Need Your Prayers Again

I’ve been off social media for several days just hoping to feel better. This entire week has been torture most of the time. Not only has my pain been just as bad as ever. My nerve related itching in my hands and feet has been awful. I’ve maybe slept three hours tossing and turning all […]

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Doing Everything I Can

I’m back in this all too familiar place. Everything near my lower back is aching relentlessly. My entire body feels like ants are all over me. The itching is so intense and just won’t stop. Sadly I’m now having to stay out of the tub that always soothes me the most. But, the water dries […]

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Lord Help Me

Once again I’m laying on my side typing these words with one hand. Things appear to be moving from bad to worse. Shooting nerve pain is rushing from my feet into my face. Deep embedded itching won’t stop in my hands and feet. The pain and anxiety are rising by the minute. Turning down my […]

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Pain Driven Words

Recently, I heard someone say “you can’t write a good song without a broken heart.” I have to say I can truly relate. Without my heartache and pain I would have nothing to write. Most of my words come from desperate places reaching for light. My words are driven by pain looking for hope. My […]

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I Had To Step Away

The last two days have been brutal to my nerves. I clearly reached that point again where panic was knocking relentlessly at my door. The moment I realized I was drowning inside I hit the breaks on everything I could. Social media was the first thing that had to go. One, because I’m not healthy […]

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Here I Go Again

It’s Monday morning and the bees are buzzing all throughout my body. My nerve pain has reared it’s ugly head. Intense itching is running deep within my hands, legs and feet. I knew I was going to wake up to some pain. But, I’ve not dealt with such intensity of this itching in a good […]

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Don’t Just Cry About It

I know they say grown men don’t cry. Well, if that’s the case I’m not grown. Because unfortunately I cry a whole lot. Honestly, just about daily these days. I’m certain I’ve cried many bucket loads over the last 25 years of ministry alone. For me it’s toxic to keep it all inside. After all, […]

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Whether I Like It Or Not

I felt really good all day yesterday. Then, came the night and I began to hurt like crazy. I got in the bed very early hoping to stop my escalating pain. Evidently I was too far gone. I felt misery in my bones all through the night and even in my sleep. Of course, the […]

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Reflection and Resolve at 44

Each day here on earth goes by so fast. Surely life is a vapor and just won’t last. My body fails me daily in fact very often. Yet, I won’t quit fighting until I see a coffin. I’m thankful for every struggle that I’ve faced. I’m learning endurance and amazing grace. God has proven His […]

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I’m So Disappointed

It’s been exactly 10 days since I got that most painful, pain shot. Remember the one that hurt so badly at the time of it. The one that stirred everything back up within my nervous system. The one that took me back down memory lane as I recently emotionally and physically crashed. The one that […]

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TIME FOR A CHANGE

My life for way too long has been wrapped around constant ministry, managing my pain, and looking for any chance possible to spend with family. I rarely if ever watch one minute of television or do anything just to relax. Tonight, I’m going to soak in the tub, watch recorded voice episodes, go to sleep […]

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It’s Just Where I Am

To many looking on all they see is a healthy looking pastor. Someone they desperately need during their time of crisis. Someone they know cares deeply and would do anything to lead them towards God’s best. Someone who is willing to stop whatever he is doing to help them or their loved ones. Someone who […]

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I’m Not Gonna Lie

Maybe someone reading this needs to know you’re not the only one. The only one who feels like your life is upside down. The only one that feels emotionally, physically and mentally drained. The only one that is one step away from a total meltdown. You’re not the only one because I’m right there with […]

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I Can Now Relate To Craziness

For the past 41 months I’ve been dealing with a severe nerve condition. I used to constantly pray that I could just bare the pain. I would beg God nightly for any rest possible. Finally those prayers were answered for the most part. Yet, the leftovers of my nerve damaged condition have been beyond troublesome. […]

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When Your Best Falls Short

Today every fiber of my humanity was exposed. Without warning my health failed and my nervous system totally wrecked. My spinal cord stimulator obviously quit keeping my nerve damage under control. Which for me is like taking oxygen from someone with severe COPD. I felt like crying my eyes out practically all morning. I preached […]

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This Pain Ruins Everything

By the grace of God my current pain didn’t ruin my entire day. However, there is only so long of this constant nerve cringing pain you can take. It’s like being constantly burned deep inside your skin. This nauseating sensation is running constantly throughout my entire body. It’s obvious that my stimulator still just isn’t […]

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My Current Cross To Bear

I know it’s not what anyone wants to hear. Shoot, I’m struggling admitting it to myself. However, for now my nerve pain is not under control. Maybe it never was like I envisioned it in my mind. I pictured it tucked away forever never to return with its misery. I hate this miserable surge within […]

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The Pain Is Back For Now

While I’m typing this I’m just shaking my head in disbelief. It’s been almost exactly four days since I got my long awaited pain shot. As I said before the shot itself was painful. But, later after the shot it appeared greater relief was headed my way. However, I’m now hurting way more in the […]

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Stay Alert My Friends

For reasons I don’t understand I’ve been in a constant battle recently. It’s been a battle of mind, body, and soul. I’ve been doing so well lately. Yet, out of the blue it appears the enemy has kicked me relentlessly from behind again. Isn’t that how it always seems to go down?   You start […]

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My Joy Has Returned

This is for the person who has lost all joy and just can’t see beyond the season. I couldn’t either for quite awhile. It’s been building over the past six months. Not long ago I felt like I was dying completely inside. That there was nothing else I could do or that God might do. […]

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DEAR SUGAR DADDY & MOMMA

Please read this if you care to know how sugar might be killing your body. I’ve been battling severe nerve damage throughout my body the past few years. Many things only God can change and heal. Slowly but surely God is showing me what I can change. Besides proper exercise and rest my daily diet […]

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Painful Shot Update 2/19/19

Got my epidural injection this morning. It by far hurt the most ever during the actual process. I was not numbed beforehand even though I have been every other shot before. Sadly, this was a new place and we were all treated like cattle. I just about came off that table it hurt so bad. […]

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God Still Does Miracles

You are reading the rough draft of the introduction page in my future book. There were days I wondered if I could ever look forward to tomorrow. Honestly, I had long reached the point of feeling absolutely defeated. My greatest efforts seem to change nothing. My prayers were only whispers of desperateness. All I could […]

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I Don’t Want To Feel Rotten

By the grace of God I’ve been dieting the past forty days. It’s a journey I only began in hopes of strengthening my core. My physical therapist said every pound lost would take some pressure off my lower back. So far I’ve gotten rid of sixteen pounds of pressure. I really have been feeling better. […]

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My First Real Flashback

I just left Shoneys in Walterboro after having my first real flash back in 41 months. The food was excellent, but the floor was a major threat to anyone’s health. First, I walked up to the salad bar and almost slipped on the wet floor. Immediately, I went and got management that assured me the […]

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Pain Drains You

Been a long Monday for sure. My wife and I have been out together working on some things. Unfortunately, the pain in my lower back has only been escalating lately. I’ve felt more and more miserable with every step. Whether I like it or not this pain wrecks my life in so many ways. Especially […]

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My How Life Has Changed

I just finished preparing Sunday’s sermon entitled “Why Did That Happen?” It took me until 4am to complete. Why? Because preparing messages nowadays takes me twice the amount of time as before. Plus, I have to do things when my mind can actually focus and I’m not blinded by nonstop pain. Honestly, everything has changed […]

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Always By My Side

Most of what I write is done on my phone with one hand while laying on my side. Once again I’m in my way too regular position. My nerves are flaring, my body is aching and I’m just a shell of my used to be self. Had I not been here well over a thousand […]

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Back On Track

After a very long night and day I believe I’m back on track. My spinal cord stimulator was definitely over stimulating my body. It was turned off most of the day in order to calm the madness it was creating. Turning it off stopped the severe nerve surges, but my lower body pain increased. Even […]

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Desperate For A Hand Up

I received a rare early morning call today from a dear brother in Christ. He had no idea I was struggling so much as I was perfectly fine last night. His call was in reference to other things, but God used him to speak truth in the midst of my pain. I told him I […]

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Hold Me Jesus

Sadly, a few hours of sleep later my nerve condition remains the same. All my wife did was simply open the bedroom door and my nerves ran absolutely wild. Just the screeching of a door made piercing pain run through both legs into my chest. Just her voice and my voice in response made my […]

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In The Moment

In The Moment, you can’t see how this could be good for you. In The Moment, you just want all the pain to go away. In The Moment, you feel like nothing will ever change. In The Moment, you aren’t sure you can deal with anymore. In The Moment, your heart is anxious and your […]

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God Knows

I don’t understand what is going inside of me. It’s like I’m plugged into an electrical outlet. With no warning or request for my permission. My body just won’t quit vibrating and making me crazy. God knows I would give anything to get off this roller coaster of pain. No doubt that God has used […]

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I Should Have Known

I’ve been experiencing some major spiritual breakthroughs recently. God has been at work in mighty ways both in and around me. Things I’ve prayed about for so long. Dreams God gave me years ago have finally been coming true. It’s no coincidence I just ran into another flaming struggle. I hate this feeling so much. […]

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Back For The Moment

Like a cancer that just won’t go into remission. Like a nightmare that just won’t go away. The nerves within me are back to running wild. Something is not holding like it has been. Nothing evidently has been fixed within me. God has just been keeping things under control for awhile. Those who have followed […]

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I’ve Gotta Praise Him

I bought a new Bible a few weeks ago. This time I got the large print. I finally laid to rest my previous study bible I used for over twenty one years. I used to call that totally worn out bible “Watermelon.” Why? Because I love watermelon and I couldn’t wait to eat every word […]

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One Of Those Days

Had one of those days you just survive. Started off with very little sleep. My body has ached intensely all over inside/out. It’s like someone pouring a cold IV throughout my nervous system. My dermatitis has kept me itching. My anxiety has risen as satan tries to tell me I’m quickly rolling backwards. On the […]

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Reasons For Concern

Mornings and evenings are usually my most uncomfortable times. Not only is my pain increased, but the itching is so intense. My dermatitis returned nearly two weeks ago seemingly out of nowhere. However, the past week has been the toughest by far. I can’t begin to describe the torturous pain that goes so deep within […]

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Back In The Game

I went back to my primary doctor yesterday urgent for relief. After 4 terrible nights of sleep and itching. My intense itching has gotten back under control and I was able to sleep over 10 hours. Having to take several Benadryl at night, apply hydrating creams during the day , and stay away from certain […]

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The Attacks Are Relentless

The itching in my hands and feet right now are relentless. I’m not talking about just on top of the skin. I’m talking about an itching sensation that feels like it’s inside my very bones it’s so deep. It hurts so bad and the pain is piercing. I’m definitely going to some doctor first thing […]

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I Feel So Much Better

I got back on my CBD 15Mg caplets around noon today. My body has felt totally different and under control ever since. This stuff has changed my life so much. Here is a link to the exact stuff I use for anyone who may want it. Here is where we will orders our from now […]

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16 Days Of Discipline

I’ve officially been on my diet for 16 days striving to take any unnecessary pressure off my lower back. During this time I’ve only eaten an average of 1367 calories daily. I’ve walked 5.8 miles daily. I’ve now lost a total of 8 1/2 pounds of my 20 pound goal. I’ve done my physical therapy […]

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CBD Caplets Work

There is now no denying how much my 15Mg CBD caplets have helped in changing my life. I typically take two caplets daily. One at 7am and the other at 7pm. This past week I was out of town on a much needed spiritual retreat. In the meantime, my first 30 day supply of caplets […]

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Take The Next Right Step

When I say my life of recovery is all consuming I promise that’s not a lie. From sun up to sun down I keep seeking to take the next faith step. I track every step, watch every calorie and monitor my nightly sleep. I make sure my spinal cord stimulater stays on track and my […]

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A Mutual Blessing

I’ve been out of town all week seeking God’s face over all matters in life. On my way back home I stopped at a Dollar General. There I saw a man who I could tell was struggling to make it. I spoke up at the check out line “I’ll take care of his stuff mam.” […]

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Cuts Right Through Me

Waking up for me lately has been very painful. The cooler weather gets my strong attention around 4am. For the next few hours my body screams for mercy while my mind tries to continue sleeping. This tug of war continues until I’m finally forced to get up. I hate this feeling more than anything. Somehow […]

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Not A Good Night

Last night I took plenty of meds to help me sleep. Well, they definitely helped me fall asleep. But, my body woke me up in the middle of the night. It was as if I was a large wind chime. The colder air just blows clean through my nerves. Even with a steady temperature inside […]

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Momentum Is A God Thing

Overall I’m in a really good place mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. There’s no denying that all these areas are affected by each other. For so long I was just holding on by a thread. Honestly, so worried that I couldn’t hold on much longer. You just reach a point where you can’t take anymore […]

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5 KEYS TO MAKING A BIG DECISION

craigcrosby.blog/2013/02/12/5-keys-to-making-a-big-decision/

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Pour Through Me Lord

For many Sundays is their greatest day of rest and renewal. For me, it’s my greatest day of battle. It’s a day I know will take everything I have to give and then some. It can feel like a million demons are coming my way at once. Usually by the end of the day I’m […]

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Continued Strides

By God’s grace alone I’ve not missed one day of physical therapy this past week. Also, I averaged walking 4.5 miles per day. I can feel my strength and stamina increasing by the day. Also, started dieting yesterday and I’m aiming to lose 20lbs. It’s my only other chance mixed with strengthening my core to […]

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Because Of The Struggle

The battle I went through the past 3 years was the worst days of my life. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. I had so many days of fear, grief and despair. I really didn’t know what the future held. All I knew was the time being missed with my growing family was killing […]

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Quality Family Time

It’s been quite awhile that all three of these words have lined up. I really can’t remember one family getaway the past few years that my health hasn’t ruined. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop my neurological breakdowns. Well, God has changed things and I’m able to enjoy time with my family. […]

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Don’t Give Up

Waiting on my morning meds to kick in. My body reminds me constantly it’s extremely nerve damaged. Sure, I would love to ignore the pain. However, it’s impossible when it’s running throughout my entire body. At it’s worse it feels like a very painful liquid shooting throughout my veins. It can drain me very quickly […]

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11 Days Changed

Eleven days ago my life changed. It was my first appointment with my new pain specialist. It had been at least two years since the words hope and doctor were said in the same sentence. I was only at this appointment to get a referral for another pain shot. But, I would leave this appointment […]

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Where Are You Headed?

This past Sunday, I preached a message God clearly spoke to my heart. Prior to God giving me this message I was very busy. Busy sitting in my bed writing a page full of things I hoped to accomplish in 2019. I was doing my best to create goals and then set out to reach […]

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Dear Weary Soul

Whatever you do don’t stop reading this article. I know you’re overwhelmed. I know you don’t know how much more you can take. I know you just wish all the pain and suffering would immediately come to an end. I know you’re just desperate for relief, comfort and peace. How do I know? I was […]

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Can’t Go But Up

Well, I went to my first physical therapy session in forever this afternoon. My new therapist is very competent and compassionate. I shared with him my up and down journey. We reflected on lessons learned in the past. We looked at what the best approach was for me. After testing my strength from head to […]

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Another Big Step Forward

As today nears an end I have to celebrate. For over seven months straight I’ve been relying on a cane to take pressure off my legs and keep me from falling. I’ve used it so much that my wrist is giving me fits and my legs have gotten even weaker. I’ve known things have to […]

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Gotta Keep Pressing

Sunday’s church services followed by Christmas Eve and Christmas Day wore out my body pretty good. However, I got just the refreshment needed. Last night I slept 10 and 1/2 hours all together. Every joint in my body was singing Hallelujah. I woke up knowing I needed to seize every opportunity to keep pressing forward. […]

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Rescued From A Well

I remember seeing on live television a disturbing, yet relieving rescue mission. Jessica McClure Morales was born on March 26, 1986. She became famous on October 14, 1987, at the age of 18 months after she fell into a well in her aunt’s backyard in Midland, Texas. Between that day and October 16, rescuers worked for […]

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Don’t Bury Your Story

Yesterday, I had to wait an extensive amount of time at my pain specialist’s office. My lower back was long overdue for another pain injection. While in the waiting room God placed beside me a divine appointment. All I needed to do was open my eyes, heart, and mouth when necessary. This middle aged lady […]

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900 Articles Later WOW

On July 26, 2012, God led me to write my first ever blog . I’ve now written over 900 articles read by over 55,000 people in 130 different countries. I am blown away by the lives touched. This venue has given me the opportunity to connect with an audience most of whom I won’t ever […]

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I Refuse To Go Back

Spent the evening out with my 8 year old tonight. We went to Wendy’s, Walmart, and drove around to see some Christmas lights. There is no doubting that I stayed in the driver’s seat for far too long. Nerve pain is presently running from my feet to my face keeping me nauseous. I’ve taken some […]

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Measurable Progress

Most know I’ve been in quite a battle the past three years. I’ve had countless sleepless nights. Many days my body was covered with a nerve driven rash. So many days and nights I wondered how much more I could take. I seriously thought I was having a complete life meltdown. I simply hoped and […]

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Trying To Remove My Crutch

I’ve been relying on a cane day and night for over six months. Whether inside or outside my home it’s always with me. I don’t even walk to the kitchen or bathroom without it. I know it drives my wife crazy. But, I’ve actually become very dependent upon it.  It’s helped keep me from falling […]

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How Am I Doing?

It’s been a very long, but blessed day. Of course, Sunday’s are typically my most challenging days. Today was no exception to that general rule. I spent the entire morning trying to shake the brain fog my meds had given me. Through the preaching of back to back morning sermons I was fighting constantly to […]

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It’s Like This, Now What?

Laying on my side after midnight with the heating pad on high. I’m now way more comfortable than before. Earlier, I just had another miserable reality check. I got out for a few hours with my precious wife. The entire trip was not good for her or me. I chose to drive the first 30 […]

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Broken & Believing

As I write this I’m sitting in a shopping area parking lot. I feel badly on so many different levels. One, my body just keeps disappointing me. Two, I just physically feel miserable and want to crawl back into bed. Three, my condition makes me feel far from the man, husband, or dad I want […]

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Still In The Wilderness

My pain is bearable at this moment. My life is blessed around me. Even still I feel like I’ve been in a forever wilderness. Like I’m still walking through a thick foggy cloud. My meds still suppress my thinking. My stimulator often leaves me tingling and never feeling exacting right. I guess I’m still getting […]

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My Funeral Arrangements

A few years ago, God moved in my heart the need to plan my own funeral. As I plan my funeral, I do not feel led to worry about what songs are going to be played, what people will speak, or even where I will be buried. Honestly, those aren’t the things that will matter […]

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Keep Fighting, Keep Believing

I feel like I’ve been kicked repeatedly in my lower back. It’s been another tough day both physically and emotionally. My stimulator has still not gotten back on track. I chose to get up and get out anyway. My wife once again dealt with a bear. Someone who can’t handle much of anything.  Hour by […]

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Joy Comes In The Morning

My stimulator was shut off for over five hours. I simply had to let my over stimulated nervous system rest. In many ways things were crashing down within me yesterday. In order to get the stimulation balanced I had to deal with some extra pain. Pain from my stimulator being off and my nerves having […]

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Understanding My Condition

I already feel like a brand new man after turning off my spinal cord stimulator hours ago. My mind and demeanor are day and night versus before. The over stimulation sky rocketed my nerve pain and anxiety levels. It makes me feel like I’ve turned into the Incredible Hulk. Except in my case I don’t […]

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We’re All Very Disappointed

Today has not been the worst day of my life. Today has not revealed anything new. Today has confirmed something I wish it didn’t. An hour ago I had to turn my spinal stimulator off due to being over stimulated. As much as it has helped me it clearly wrecked me today. Since getting out […]

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Taking The Mask Off

With the help of medication I slept very well last night. There’s no doubt that sleep is critical to my broken body being able to heal or operate. There’s also no doubt this colder weather has lots to do with my nerves flaring up even more. I’m much better if I’m laying on a heating […]

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Sometimes God Works Fast

I drastically changed my spinal cord stimulator settings less than three hours ago. I’ve had this implanted device for seventeen months. It’s cutting edge technology is not something you ever master. Instead, you learn over time of its power. You also realize that having patience with it is a must. Rarely is anything a quick […]

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Give Up The Fight

Today has been one of those days. The kind where you feel like you’re just hanging on by a thread. No one can get on your last nerve because every space has already been taken. You don’t know how much more you can bear. Every step is a fight and each thought is a prayer.  […]

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Been A Long Night

I’ve only slept two hours total all night. Even though my body is beyond exhausted. Seems I’ve been attacked every direction. Fortunately, I don’t have these kind of nights often anymore. I can recall when this was a normal nightly occurrence. No wonder I felt like I was going crazy before.  My nerve condition can […]

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His Strength Is Enough

Sundays are usually my toughest days of the week. I have to get up way earlier than my body is used to getting up. I have to focus way more than my medicine allows. I have to keep going longer than my disabled body will allow. I give all I can, but quickly realize it […]

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Love Like Jesus

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten too little sleep. Maybe it’s because I’ve watched a series of sappy, true life videos. Maybe it’s because I’m a softy when it comes to watching others struggle. But, all I know is God has given me a very tender heart over the years. I have always been compelled to […]

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Finding True Joy

It’s 3:30am and I’m in the middle of another long night. This colder weather is doing my broken body no favors. You would think by now I would be used to this pain. This throbbing, shooting, alaching pain just won’t go away. After awhile you just can’t ignore how nauseous it makes you feel. Even […]

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Thankful For Good Moments

My evening has been so much better than my entire day. There are many things that have still not changed with my health condition. However, one thing that has changed is my perspective. What I used to call just a bad day I now call blessed. Great brokenness helps you realize your blessings. Earlier I […]

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Write About It

One day I will release a book to help others deal with their pain by faith. Until then and beyond I will keep writing about my own painful journey. Not in an attempt to wallow in my suffering. Instead, I’ve discovered something I believe can help anyone working through pain. All you’ve got to do […]

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I’m Ok Except For This

Imagine feeling like your entire insides are vibrating and aching all the time. That just a sudden sound or movement could send shockwaves straight through your nervous system. Imagine never having a true break from your discomfort. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. Imagine doctors telling you there’s nothing they […]

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What Keeps Me Going

Ministry for me has never been more physically or emotionally draining. It’s not that I’m doing so much more. But, the fact I can’t handle as much as before. My nerve pain is to me what kryptonite is to Superman. Whatever superpowers I once had are gone away. This disabling nerve pain appears to be […]

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You Can’t Always Run

It really doesn’t matter whether it’s morning, day or night. Whether I work or don’t work. Whether I’m in South Carolina or California. Whether I’m in the bed or out. My nerve condition disrupts my life twenty four seven. Most of the time, I would do anything to rid myself of this pain. There’s literally […]

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I’m Only Human

I’ve been soaking in a hot tub for several hours. Just hoping to drown out the pain that runs deep throughout my body. Recent days have been very productive and fulfilling. It’s also been painfully obvious just how human I’ve become. I say that as if I wasn’t human before. However, reaching this point has […]

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Pastor’s Wives

I know two pastor’s wives really well. One gave birth to me and raised me. The other married me and continues to raise me. I’m pretty certain my mom and wife would confirm I’m not joking about the continual raising me part. So, I’ve had two unique view points of pastors wives. I’ve seen one […]

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God Override My Humanity

More times than not I simply don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. My body feels weak and my mind is so limited. No matter how strong I try to be my strength is never enough. No matter how much I study I’m never smart enough. No matter how hard I try I always fall […]

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Back To Life & Reality

It’s hard to swallow every time. I had the most productive week I’ve had in over 38 months. A huge part of me thought the old me was coming back. Just to drive myself a few places on my own was big. Having the opportunity on consecutive days to be there for others was even […]

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Reading Other People’s Mail

The longer I have this battle raging within my body. The longer this indescribable pain continues. The easier it is for me to recognize other people’s pain and misery. It’s an ability I wish I could have apart from such a painful experience. Yet, there seems to be no better teacher than experience. Everyday, I […]

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God Rescued Me

Recently, I’ve been able to associate myself with some words I wondered would ever be possible again. For 38 months straight all I knew was unpredictable and flat broken. Several highly credible doctors have confirmed my nervous system is permanently broken. My symptoms have daily confirmed they’re each right to a high degree of medical […]

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Just Keep Faith Walking

I’ve been in a waiting chamber for what seems like forever. For over 38 months I’ve been waiting on my body to feel anything like normal. Still the pain disrupts practically everything. For over 35 months I’ve been longing to get back to work full time. Not sure I’ll see that happen anytime soon. For […]

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Look For Reasons To Celebrate

It’s that time of night again. That point I reach daily where the pain just finally wears me down. Something like electricity keeps running throughout both feet all the way up into my face. I’m tempted to throw a full blown pity party. To tell you how bad life is for me at this present […]

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Touched By Childlike Faith

A few months ago, I attended a worship service called special gatherings. Last year I  joined a board of folks who carry out this ministry. It is a gathering full of adult mentally challenged folks that all reside in the Walterboro, SC area. Over fifty of them gathered to worship as they do every Sunday […]

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Thank God Seasons Change

There is no doubt this colder weather is not my friend. All I have to do is wake up and get up. Just getting out of my warm covers for a minute lets me know everything I need to know. This chilly weather makes things hurt more than ever. It literally cuts through me like […]

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Pain Connects, God Comforts

Laying on my side still waiting on the pain to settle. I have no idea what has thrown my spinal cord stimulator completely out of rhythm. It has worked so well for a few months straight. The change in temperature has to be playing some factor. Anyway, it’s not the first time and certainly won’t […]

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My Limitations Frighten Me

I’ve had a rather short day considering most people’s normal Friday. I didn’t even get out of bed until nearly 1pm. Therefore, I’ve only been awake for a little over 8 hours and it’s already time for my nighttime meds. Besides getting a bite to eat I’ve not left the house all day. Yet, my […]

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Parents Wake Up

For a long time I was asleep as a parent. Sure I love my children dearly and I would do anything for them. However, I believe it’s when they hit the teenage years that most of us really wake up. Why? Because what once seemed simplistic gets very complicated. Before the teenage years you’re just […]

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Breakthrough Has Come

115 days ago I set out on my first ever 40 day faith walk. At that time, I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. I had never felt more helpless in my life. I didn’t know if my situation could improve. I didn’t know if I might have to step away from being a pastor. […]

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I’m Going On Strike

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough. We live in a society that puts too much undeserved pressure on people. Everybody wants things to happen overnight. There’s never enough hours in the day mentality. You’ve gotta do it all and have it all now.  Now, I’m all about seizing the moment in front […]

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Reason For The Season

No matter what I set out to do my pain keeps interrupting. Its really hard to sit still when it’s hard to sit period. Its really hard to concentrate on anything when the pain is constantly grinding my nerves. I wish more than anything I could get this pain out of my life. Yet, I’m […]

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Continue To Learn

I still recall what my professor said on the first day of my journey towards getting my masters degree. He said, “I’m not here to teach you everything you need to know. I’m here to teach you how to be a life long learner.” Those words have never left my mindset the past twenty years. […]

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I Can’t Stop This Feeling

It’s only been two days straight of waking up this miserable. I’m used to being a little uncomfortable, but feeling this way takes me to the furthest edge. I always have pain that is at least a 4 out of 10. However, there is a great difference between that and this which is a 7/8 […]

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When The Present Pain Blinds You

I keep desperately wanting to think the worst is behind me. However, my throbbing nerve stricken body is flooding me with doubt. This colder weather is proving to be brutal. My pain is constant throughout my body and I’m miserable. This feeling is not something you ever get used to in life. You just learn […]

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This Thorn In My Flesh

It’s with me when I wake up, get up, and go to bed. My nerve pain is always interfering my life. This is not anything I ever expected or would have planned. Explaining the weight of this struggle is impossible to put into words. The possibility that I might spend the rest of my life […]

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Uncomfortable In My Skin

One thing I’ve learned that is true for us all. Everything is easier when it’s not you going through it. When it’s not your nerves being fried. When it’s not your cross to bear. When it’s not your nightmare to get through. When the struggle is around you not within you. I feel so uncomfortable […]

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You Must Stay Proactive

Many times you’re simply minding your own business. You’re at home, work, or just trying to do something relaxing. Next thing you know satan strikes out of nowhere. He may breathe confusion in a relationship. He may take you from the greatest high to the lowest low. All you know is you just didn’t see […]

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Dads Lives Matter

Tonight we celebrated my dad’s 70th birthday. It was a surprise party and total family affair. He clearly appreciated our thoughtfulness. My brothers and I clearly recognized the significance of the moment. You see, we’ve each been blessed to call him dad for well over forty something years. I’m well aware that many never get […]

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Sunny Side Up

Some of you actually like your eggs this way. Sunny side up means only one side of the egg is fried. Personally I like my eggs totally fried. However, when it comes to my life I prefer things sunny side up. And, while my nerves are fried within I see the sun shining through daily. […]

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Long Time Coming

It’s been five long months since I last got my spinal cord stimulator adjusted. Like a car with high mileage it’s long overdue for a tuneup. I’ve been blessed by its overall consistency. Along with medications and lots of prayer it’s kept my nervous system from completely going haywire. However, I know I’m always living […]

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Gotta Keep Learning

I’ve been in some capacity of leadership for over twenty five years. Like most leaders I’m not sure I ever realized all it would require of me. It has definitely been a constant trial by fire. As soon as I feel I’ve learned one thing I realize how much more there is to know. The […]

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Finding New Strength

I believe it’s critical we don’t just talk about our problems, but always recognize the praiseworthy. Well, considering my present health and past days I’ve got much to celebrate. I’ve now had four bearable pain days in a row. I’ve not had one night of terror and got decent sleep everyday. Praise God, my days […]

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My Limitations, God’s Blessings

I’ve had a very rough week overall. Yet, the blessings in my life keep overflowing. God is showing me day by day how blessed I really am. I’ve honestly reached the point where I’m thanking God for my suffering. I’m learning so much, growing stronger, and seeing God do some pretty amazing things. All of […]

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Making Adjustments NOW

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize one consistent thing in my life right now. I can’t afford to not stay on top of the pain. Because once it’s on top of me I’m completely at it’s mercy. My worst times have all been at night usually after 9pm. I’ve been watching this trend […]

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Dear God, Why?

For the first time ever I can relate to Job’s mentality in questioning God. Job had reached his breaking point. He had experienced unthinkable loss of everyone in his immediate family. He had lost everything he worked so hard to attain. His body was so miserable from the constant allowed attacks of the evil one. […]

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Help Me Hold On

Sometimes you just know you are being chased down by countless demons from Hell. The attack is so real that all you can do is run for your life. The more determined you are towards seeking God’s will the greater the demonic attack. The more the intensity rises the harder it is to keep going. […]

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Last Night Was Awful But….

Last night was one of the most painful nights I’ve had in a long time. I’m sure I’ve had worse in days gone by. However, for a few hours I felt a level of pain I’ve not felt in quite some time. When it hits you suddenly at that level you’re shocked and quickly broken […]

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Trying To Stay Sane

I’m doing this for my own sanity. I don’t know anything else I can for now. I’ve taken all the meds I can that I’m praying will kick in very soon. I’m absolutely living on planet miserable. I wish I had an iv full of morphine right now. I know I will get through this […]

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You Can Only Take So Much

I’ve been awake the past 19 hours. I was fast asleep until the 4am cooler morning temperatures ran right through my nerve damaged body. All day I’ve felt like ice coals are running through my veins. After awhile it literally sucks the life out of you. I’ve just about reached that point where I would […]

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Such A Painful Day

I just finished a day full of intense pain. In fact, even after hours of soaking in the tub I’m now hurting even more. This painful day has certainly taken me by surprise. It’s also worn me out both physically and emotionally. I would give anything for this purposeful pain to go away. However, for […]

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My Plans Feel Ruined

My body has been aching all day. My mind remains in a thick fog. My heart hurts as I feel trapped by my limitations. No matter how hard I try my present health reality keeps slapping me in the face. I want things to go back to normal so bad. I have so much I […]

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God’s Will & Mixed Emotions

Trying to explain my present feelings towards life would sound rather conflicting. On one hand, I’ve never seen God more at work. On the other hand, I’ve never seen more work that must be done. On one hand, I’m beyond excited to see where God is taking things. On the other hand, I’m already exhausted […]

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Watch Out My Friend

How often do we plan stuff and just expect things to all work out? Then, unexpectedly something goes on that we never expected. It might be our car breaking down, a sudden tragedy, an argument with our spouse, or an issue with one of our children. The list is endless of what can happen in […]

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Sometimes You Need To Punt

You may or not be someone who understands football. Just in case let me explain myself. Anytime the offensive team has the ball they have a total of four tries to move the ball ten yards. On fourth down they can either go for the first down or punt the ball away. Many times it’s […]

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When The Hurt Won’t Stop

If I was a dying man I would request as much morphine as possible. My skin has just been crawling nonstop the past few days. You would think I missed taking one of my pain meds. I know the cooler weather simply isn’t helping. And, if I had to guess my spinal cord stimulator certainly […]

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I Feel Out Of Sync

I don’t mind at all having a break from the scorching heat. However, it’s obvious this colder weather is doing my body no favors. Every joint and piece of metal within me appears to be screaming for help. The only relief I find in these moments are heating pads and hot baths. I truly need to […]

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Inside The Mind Of A Pastor

We live in a day and time that each of us can be easily misunderstood. In fact, I find myself feeling that way as a pastor. Sadly, only the negative stuff makes the news headlines. It doesn’t matter if you’re a pastor or the president. People believe what they hear and only know what they […]

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Let’s Get Real

Well, I survived a longer day than I’ve experienced in a couple years. It’s not that I did a whole lot physically. But, even on Sundays I’m only active for maybe four hours tops. A few hours ago my Fitbit buzzed and said congrats you’ve been active for 7 out 7 hours which has never […]

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I’m Going Anyway Because

After waking up early from a very painful nights sleep I was very disappointed that I couldn’t go with my wife to my son’s band competition. God has now given me permission and a second wind. You see, I know in my heart that I’ve preached to others in much worse shape than I am […]

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My Reality Stinks, God Is Still Good

My son has two band competitions left before he graduates. One this Saturday and one next Saturday. Today’s is the only one that their performance is early in the day and the award ceremony is not late at night. However, it would still be an all day affair. I’ve not been able to make it […]

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Just Glad To Be There

Just got home from watching our home town high school Cougars play some football. They ended up losing in the fourth quarter, but I was just glad to be there. Had the honor of walking out on the field with my next to oldest son for senior night. This is his last year to march […]

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Living On Fantasy Island

The younger you are the more you live in a fantasy land. You grow up with dreams of how you picture life will be. Then as you get older and older true reality sets in. You realize grade school wasn’t that bad after all. That you thought you knew stress, but then you started paying […]

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This One Exercise Changed So Much

Today was my second day of physical therapy and trying to walk as much as possible without my cane. Still a lot of pain and stirring of my nerves going on within my body. I did add one other exercise that is making a big difference. I’ve intentionally done a lot of praising God for […]

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Faith Check In Progress

I’ve been in this position so many times in days gone by. Those moments when the body feels like quitting and the mind wonders why bother. Fortunately, I know I’m experiencing another one of those faith check moments. Am I going to believe in my gut or my God? Will I be led by my […]

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Continuing To Make Life Adjustments

Seems like no matter how hard I try I’m continually having to make life adjustments. What has worked in the past seasons of life simply isn’t working in this season. I’m continually running into my present limitations. I know in my my heart that I can only handle a small portion of what I used […]

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Trusting God With The Past

Time goes by so fast. We all have griefs and regrets. Moments in time we wish we could go have back. This imperfect life is full of broken roads and hearts. Even with many blessed moments our human minds always long for closure. We just wonder how we could have handled certain things differently in […]

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3:30am And The Rain Continues

  I’ve been fighting what I know is a spiritual attack from the enemy all night. The intensity of the attack has been relentless. I finally got my physical pain under control three hours ago. However, I’ve had to sleep sitting up in my bed all night due to my heart feeling like it’s nonstop […]

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I Want To Remember Today

As I shared earlier my pain is somewhat blinding. Like it feels as if I was just recently in some terrible car wreck. As I continue to lay on my side I’m desperate for some relief. I’ve thrown all the meds I can at the pain. Now, I’m just waiting on something to knock me […]

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No Pain No Gain

Well, I started the next phase of my recovery efforts today. I walked a good bit without my cane and did a few physical therapy exercises. It’s not been an easy day at all. In fact, now that I’ve tried laying down deep pain is flooding my body. I’m not surprised by it, but you […]

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Trying To Give Up This Crutch

For many months I’ve been using a cane morning, day, and night. I mean even if I’m just walking to the bathroom or kitchen inside my house. Actually, I’ve used it so long that it’s hard to remember what it’s like to walk without it. I feel so dependent upon it and unstable without it. […]

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Love Beyond The Surface

I’m somebody who doesn’t like to have a lot of surface conversation. I long to get down to the root of what’s really happening. You know, I share my story and you share yours. Where we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly in our lives. Not just so we can cry together, […]

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What If It Never Changes?

Been laying in this bed just waiting for my legs to quit throbbing and my lower back to quit aching. My wife has seen this routine hundreds of times. She tries her best to relieve the pressure. I try my best to not get too discouraged by my constant reality. However, I can’t help but […]

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I Wasn’t Feeling It

Recently, I preached back to back Sunday morning services while sitting down. It’s done wonders for my back since we found a high comfortable chair. While I was more comfortable in my new chair I was less comfortable in my mind. My morning meds had a huge grip on my ability to concentrate. There’s nothing […]

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Another Late Night

Every night seems to be the same. I take several meds in hopes of falling asleep. I turn my heating pad on it’s highest setting. I wait on my legs to quit throbbing. I put on some special cream to hopefully stop my hands and feet from itching. Literally, I’ve got one area in my […]

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Dear Special Friend

I’m not sure where to begin as I celebrate your birthday. I’ve seen so much firsthand that I might could write a book. First, I’m gonna give a shout out to your pops. Apart from him being one of my hospice patients we would likely never have met. Before he transitioned to Heaven he just […]

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How Am I Doing?

I’ve had so many wanting to know how I’m feeling. And, I do sincerely appreciate your every concern and prayer. The good news is I’m not where I used to be. The tough news is I’m still far from where I long to be. 80 days ago I stepped away in hopes of rebooting my […]

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80 Days Disconnected

  Eighty days ago God led me to fast from all social media. I remember thinking “Is this even possible for me?” Many know I’ve always been very active on my Facebook pages and online blog. However, I knew God was calling me to disconnect for awhile in order to focus most on Him and […]

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