FAITH WALKING Category

Another Late Night

Every night seems to be the same. I take several meds in hopes of falling asleep. I turn my heating pad on it’s highest setting. I wait on my legs to quit throbbing. I put on some special cream to hopefully stop my hands and feet from itching. Literally, I’ve got one area in my […]

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Dear Special Friend

I’m not sure where to begin as I celebrate your birthday. I’ve seen so much firsthand that I might could write a book. First, I’m gonna give a shout out to your pops. Apart from him being one of my hospice patients we would likely never have met. Before he transitioned to Heaven he just […]

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How Am I Doing?

I’ve had so many wanting to know how I’m feeling. And, I do sincerely appreciate your every concern and prayer. The good news is I’m not where I used to be. The tough news is I’m still far from where I long to be. 80 days ago I stepped away in hopes of rebooting my […]

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80 Days Disconnected

  Eighty days ago God led me to fast from all social media. I remember thinking “Is this even possible for me?” Many know I’ve always been very active on my Facebook pages and online blog. However, I knew God was calling me to disconnect for awhile in order to focus most on Him and […]

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In A Waiting Chamber

We’ve all heard the saying “good things come to those who wait.” I absolutely agree this is the case in many instances. However, no one ever said it would be easy. Life is full of waiting chambers every step of the way. The older we get we realize the importance of patience but I’m not […]

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40 Days Of Purpose

I’m about to do something that will be very challenging for me. Many of you know I’m very active on social media. I’m used to posting daily on Facebook and my personal blog as God leads. Well, God is presently leading me to do just the opposite. Starting 12:01a.m. July 24th I will be fasting […]

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Easier Said Than Done

I find myself at a very nerve wrecking crossroad. It’s real easy to say I fully trust God with my future. However, my anxiety levels let me know that my mind is struggling to agree with my heart. I so want to believe God for my healing. Yet, the way my body presently feels makes […]

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In Over My Head Again

It’s 9pm and I’ve literally only been awake and out of my bed for seven hours. However, that hasn’t stopped my nervous system from crashing for the one millionth time. In these moments, there is nothing I can do to stop what follows these episodes. I typically feel something like fluid rising up within and […]

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Desperate For Good Luck

We’ve all heard the following saying a few times in our life. That being “if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all.” It’s starting to feel this way in our household. Without going into detail most would be amazed at the volume of letdowns and breakdowns we’ve experienced in the […]

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I Lost MY Super Powers

Earlier I literally thought I heard someone screaming for help. Come to find out it was just someone’s television capturing my attention. Just the sound of potential crisis alone sent shockwaves through my entire nervous system. I used to be someone that could help and handle just about any crisis situation. Now just the sound […]

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Hope Despite Chaos

Right now my entire life feels upside down. Just simply walking is a chore. Trying to think clearly is nearly impossible with my medications. My days feel so long and agonizing. I’m literally giving everything over to God by the minute. It’s only because of Him I still have confidence and peace moving forward. If […]

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There Is No In Between

I’m certain that if you polled 1000 people who battle severe chronic pain you would discover most have the following in common. When it comes to being in pain there is rarely any in between. Either you’re totally uncomfortable in pain. Or you’re in total zombie mode with limited pain. At least this has been […]

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WARNING: Mood Swings Ahead

All my medications have one big thing in common. They affect my mood and mind from sun up to sun down. Often I don’t even feel like the same person I used to be. However, I know underneath it all I’m still here. I just don’t like the way any of it makes me feel. […]

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Feeling Much Better Today

I started my blood pressure meds yesterday evening. I’m happy to say it’s now totally under control. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, but I’m told that wears off after awhile. Either way I know the alternative of not taking it is much worse than taking it. I just hated adding one […]

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I’m Gonna Be Okay

I’m ok getting something to eat and then heading home to get the blood pressure meds they are putting me own. Said they believe my high level pain for so long has definitely taken its toll. I’m still very light headed but the Valium has helped my anxiety. I was so scared for s short […]

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Sitting Inside Roper Express Care

Earlier I arrived at my scheduled appointment with my back surgeon. We didn’t even get started talking about my health before I knew they needed to check my blood pressure ASAP. My face was flush and I felt extremely light headed. In addition my legs were just aching and trembling. Plus my right shoulder was […]

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Starting Monday Right

I’ve been up since 5am due to a body that continues to fail me. However, I’m thrilled God woke me up another day. I know there is not a day that He has created for me that’s not purposeful. As long as there is breath within me I’m looking forward as I seek His good, […]

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Present Health Concerns 7/15/18

Wow! The past few days have not been kind to my health. My heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest. Yesterday and today my blood pressure has been very high for me. I’ve felt light headed off and on. And, no I’m not taking any of what’s going on lightly. In […]

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Still A Nervous Wreck

I finally fell asleep for a few minutes thanks to all my medications. Then, suddenly, I was startled back awake by some nearby sound. I really have no idea what it was that triggered my nerves. However, my wife can testify that the least little thing can make my entire body jump. Especially when my […]

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Sometimes You Need Counseling

Hopefully my nighttime meds will have made me comfortable and able to sleep soon. First thing in the morning my wife will be taking me back to see my counselor. It always seems my appointments come at just the right time. It’s as if God orchestrates it all when it’s needed most. I can’t wait […]

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This Breaks My Heart Most

My chronic pain has caused so much heartache in its 34 months of existence. I wish I was just talking about my own heart. Unfortunately, this season of suffering has reached into every part of my family. It honestly breaks my heart most knowing that my condition has stolen such joy from my wife and […]

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Nerves, Allergies, Cattle

I had a long day yesterday and I’m just getting to share how things went at my medical appointments. Overall, I was very pleased by the care I received and the help I’ve been given. However, after reading up on some things I’m a little perplexed about one diagnosis. First, I’m very optimistic about my […]

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If I Had A Genie In A Bottle

We all have something we wish to God was different. Something we feel limits us, cripples us, and if we let it paralyzes us. It’s that one thing that if you did have a genie in a bottle it would be in your top three wish list that it be taken away. In your mind, […]

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Just Looking For More Answers

Well, I’ve got too real Big appointments today that a very dear brother in Christ is taking me to today. The first is to the dermatologist. I’m very interested to see what they say about my neurodermatitis that has to constantly be dealt with by meds, creams and limiting my time around water, heat, sweat, […]

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Another Piece Of Humble Pie

All things considered my day didn’t start out bad at all. For me, feeling like I’ve been kicked in my lower back repeatedly is normal. What I always fear most is having a complete neurological breakdown. From my view there didn’t seem to be one one in the forecast. That was until it hit me […]

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Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes

You name it and I’ve seen it in some form or fashion on my body. While I can’t completely stop the Neurodermatitis I’m finally able to contain it. The medication most used for this is Hydroxyzine for those dealing with this nerve driven breakout. I’ve been referred to a Neurologist for further evaluation. You scratch […]

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Does Life Feel Upside Down?

I’m simply writing these words as God leads. Nothing about me having all the answers, but I can certainly relate to life feeling upside down. I’ve been in the biggest battle of my life for quite some time. Physically, mentally, emotionally and for sure spiritually. I just quit posting everything on this personal page because […]

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Masterpiece by Danny Gokey

Heartbreaks a bitter sound Know it well It’s ringing in my ears And I can’t understand Why I’m not fixed by now Begged and I have pleaded Take this pain but I’m still bleeding Heart trusts you for certain Head says it’s not working I’m stuck here still hurting But you tell me You’re making […]

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I Hate Neurodermatitis

I’m back in the tub for the first time in 48 hours. It’s like I can’t let off even a little from taking my new medication. This itching is so intense to keep under control. The only consistent thing about my situation is inconsistency. I’ve really been comfortable most of the day. Now my Neurodermatitis […]

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Will You Trust God Now?

Prior to September 17th, 2015 I was very blessed. I was not dependent upon any daily medication. I was able to go to work all day. I was able to drive myself around anywhere instead of my wife having to carry me everywhere. I didn’t feel like I was still 15, but I felt way […]

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Such A God Made Day

I’m learning that sometimes you have to experience a really bad day in order to recognize a really good day. Well, based on what I recently experienced I’m having a really good day. My new medication has my itching under control. I’m having to take it every 6 hours and keep all my skin moisturized […]

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My Only Real Peace

I know I take a risk every time I bare my soul through the good, bad, and ugly. Especially in the lowest moments many may be quick to ask “where is your faith now preacher?” To that I would respond “My faith is not about me having it all together or how much faith I […]

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I Survived The Fiery Furnace

I can’t put into words how uncomfortable I’ve been all night and day. It’s like satan had a blow torch and was given permission to torcher me from feet to face. From continuous itching to a body feeling like it’s been kicked repeatedly with a steel toe boot. All I’ve prayed continually was for God’s […]

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I’m Very Concerned

I don’t use these words lightly as I write them. I am very concerned about how my health situation is trending. I’m certain that if nothing drastically changes soon I will have to make some drastic changes myself very soon. My pain and misery have been climbing all night. Of course, it’s never best to […]

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Lord Have Mercy On Me

My pain level is presently a 7 out 10. The only reason I wouldn’t call it any higher is because an 8-10 would mean I need to be in the emergency room. I can’t believe that in just 6 hours I’ve got to endure another 3-4 hour long Functional Capacity Evaluation. I’ve not been able […]

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My Miracle Prayer

It’s 3:30 in the morning with no sleep in sight I know the pain will end, but it’s still such a fight Until you lose your health you don’t really know  What it feels like every second to dread where you go I’m not asking for self pity or just trying to wallow I’m just […]

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Dreading Tomorrow

It’s about 11pm on a Monday night. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more emotionally and physically combined running through my veins. Tomorrow I will endure a very long appointment that to say I’m dreading is an understatement. It’s an appointment that is not fair or necessary. But, we all know life is full of […]

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Pressed, Perplexed, Knocked Down

It’s been a long day and it’s only halfway over. Got some very disappointing news earlier that continues to put my entire family on hold. Some closure that I thought was soon to be discovered has once again been delayed. I don’t know why every door around me seems to be on lockdown. Only God […]

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Here We Go Again

As soon as I thought I would finally go to sleep I started breaking out again all over my body. When it strikes it’s like a wildfire you can only hope to contain. I’ve tried every cream in the book. Also, I’m now taking a daily allergy medication. Even still I was forced into the […]

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Long Week, Still Hopeful

Lately, I’ve been doing one thing right on a consistent basis. I’ve made sure that everyday the past week I got up, got dressed and walked out of the house at some point. Why? I’ve discovered its critical to my mental, emotional and physical health. Pondering every second how bad you feel only feeds dark […]

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Come Closer Son

For reasons I don’t understand God won’t allow me to go to bed without seeking to be fully honest. I’m certain there is a bit of pride involved on my part of things. You see, I would love for each of you to believe that I’ve got it all together. I would love to paint […]

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The Longest Piggy Back Ride Ever

I’m pretty sure my wife is absolutely exhausted from taking care of me all the time and driving me to most destinations. I’m exhausted just from going place to place. We’re in a desert season where every step feels like a long country mile. Presently there are no decisions that feel easy. There are no […]

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I Didn’t See This Coming

I woke up with my body aching all over even more than usual. I slept so hard due to medication I took late last night that I woke up three hours past my 6:30 medicine alarm. Sadly, none of these medications even help my Neurodermatitis that’s driven by my severe nerve pain. Now, I’ve got […]

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I Feel Like Such A Pain

If I told you how much my health has affected my family alone it would literally take days to explain. The past nearly three years has been a nightmare. From sun up to sun down my pain has disrupted my entire household. Most nights in between have been so long and uncomfortable. I painfully see […]

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God Will Restore Things

  Last night was the worst my itching has been so far. Eventually all my meds and Benadryl drifted me off to sleep. I’ve only been out of the bed for a little over 3 hours. However, I’ve learned that the shorter my day the better the day for my present condition. Nearly 10 hours […]

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The Intensity Continues

Tonight has been my worst nerve pain driving itching night so far. It’s like playing that game at Chucky Cheese where you’re trying to hit random pop up figures with a hammer. The itching is everywhere at once. I’m trying everything I can to stop or even soothe my skin. My feet, hands, legs, arms, […]

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My Bold Audacious Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, This prayer is long overdue and beyond necessary. I praise you for all that You have done for me and despite me up to this point. I acknowledge the fact that You’ve not just created me, but You’ve sustained me all these years. Your faithfulness is undeniable and encouraging. Thank You for […]

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I’m Giving Up On Myself

I’ve only completed 4 days of my recently started 7 day challenge to not focus on my pain. God knows I’m trying so hard to pass this test. But, when your legs hurt so bad and your body feels like it’s been hit by a truck it’s so tough. Just went a mile up town […]

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Why Am I So Surprised?

  Today, I road out with my wife to deal with some family matters. I didn’t want her to go alone and I really wanted to be with her. She goes so many places without me due to my health. So, I thought I would tag along since she would be driving. Somehow, I sometimes […]

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Only God Calms The Insanity

This neurodermatitis is driving me crazy. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed it wakes me up sometime before 6am with intense itching. I just have to keep the itch relief cream near me at all times. When you have something the doctor says is nerve driven and not curable it’s all you […]

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Still Holding My Hand

I’ve officially reached the 34th month of my health battle. The entire time I’ve felt like I was just one step away from losing it all. I’m not talking about just losing a job, a house, or even my family. I’m talking about collapsing from within as my body has been so close to completely […]

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Working Not Wallowing

I started a 7 day challenge 3 days ago. A challenge to attempt not to wallow in my pain as I continue to work through it. Yes, it’s still staring me in my face day and night. Yes, it’s still very difficult to get around. Yes, I feel miserable often and wish it would all […]

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Yes You Can My Child

Well, my Neurodermatitis is daily getting worse. The rashes and itching are popping up constantly throughout the day driven by my nerve pain. It’s definitely getting on my nerves and leaving me very uncomfortable. But, I’m  learning something the devil doesn’t like. I’m learning to be proactively prepared for the pop ups. I know it’s […]

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My 7 Day Challenge

Had a very dear lady from church ask me to do something that I’m more than willing to try. She said, “I want you try and go 7 days straight without focusing on your pain.” She further explained that she wasn’t saying that I’m not in constant discomfort. But, she wanted me to claim God’s […]

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Is Death An Accident or Appointment?

I’ve preached a lot of funerals in my 25 years of ministry. From the pre-mature baby, toddler, teenager, college student, those 0 to 99, and  many in between. Many were called accidents and gone way too soon. For certain most of their loved ones were never ready to say goodbye. Yes, we all know death […]

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Dealing With A Rare Crisis

I’m discovering it’s quite something to be dealing with any rare crisis. For me it’s just been a series of rare experiences related to my rare level of nerve pain issues. At first you just want answers from anyone who might know anything. Then after you get just a general idea of what might be […]

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How Long, O Lord?

Even with more than enough knockout nightly meds I’ve only been getting a little over 5 hours sleep the last five nights. This is at least 3 1/2  hours less than I was averaging before. I have no idea what the x-factor is that’s making the difference. I know it’s driving my wife crazy as […]

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Still A Thorn In My Side

Of all the things that could bother me I’ve tossed and turned all night due to the one thing that should not be bothering me. Yes, once again it’s that big, bulky metal battery implanted over 4 months ago in the ride side of my lower back. It still really hurts bad if ever pressed […]

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Thank God For New Mornings

Last night was one of my roughest nights. At that time I was just experiencing such pain, distress and anguish. All I could do was cry out to my God for help and comfort. Finally, the medication eased my discomfort and put me to sleep. I woke up this morning five hours later to take […]

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Chapter 12: A Prophetic Word

What I’m about to share I believe to be prophetic. One day you will read this in a book God plans for me to write. Except then it won’t be prophetic anymore, but my new reality. Right now God is writing this book through me daily. It was around 24 months ago God spoke to […]

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My Desperate Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, Only you know how much I’m painfully bleeding inside. I’m only a shell of myself and can do nothing about it. I don’t believe anything happens apart from either Your divine allowance or orchestration. Please give me the faith I need to keep trusting You through this valley and beyond it. You’ve […]

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Real & Raw Take 1,000,000

My skin is crawling so bad and my heart is hurting so much. I feel like a prisoner in this broken body. Yet, I more than realize there is no quick fix. In fact, obviously there is nothing really man can do for me except listen and pray. I just never saw these days coming […]

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My Heartache, God’s Mission

Seems like by the day I discover something new that I’m dealing with on a daily basis. Earlier I went to the doctor to figure out what exactly I could do to treat this most likely viral crud that’s been making me feel awful by the day. I left away with some antibiotic and something […]

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Praying Big & Expecting Big Results

I’ve  never had more big decisions staring me in the face all at once. Everything in my life is in the building or rebuilding stage. In most respects, I’ve been living by extreme faith for the past 18 years. I can truly say I’ve always allowed God to lead me and my family to whatever […]

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Piece By Piece

To say I’m totally exhausted would be such an understatement. I can’t handle much more physically, emotionally, or mentally. My body aches all over. My eyelids are hard to keep open. Any critical thinking has the potential of making me go crazy. I’m becoming more and more dependent upon walking with a cane. I’ve had […]

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Are We There Yet?

My 8 year old son still asks the same question a million times on any road trip over an hour. “How many more minutes before we get there daddy?” Usually no matter what your response he just takes a deep breath of disappointment as he says “it’s taking such a long time to get there.” […]

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The Days Are Long, BUT

To my wife I know I sound like a broken record. My days are so long and never seem free of pain. I would love for God to go ahead and give me my new Heavenly body. One that is free of pain, tears, heartache , and any discomfort. From the human standpoint my current […]

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Better Than It Was

After a very long week we’re headed back home from family vacation. While it was a very rough week there were some smiles and laughs shared. I didn’t get to do much physically with them, but I’m still thankful I could even be around. It’s amazing how much just a few years can make such […]

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I’m Dreading Father’s Day

There is no denying that satan has been hovering over me like a buzzard. I’m sure he thinks any moment I will completely give up on everything. He has done all he can to tell me that I’m worthless and hopeless this week alone. I can’t imagine where this would lead most who don’t know […]

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I’m At Such A Low

I’m at such a low point. My heart is drowning in sorrow. Maybe it’s just full blown depression. I don’t feel control over any of my emotions. I feel like an unpredictable lunatic. It’s like my mind has blown a fuse that must either be replaced or replenished. No one needs to tell me anymore […]

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Are You Battling Demons?

Where do I begin with this one? I’ve grown up knowing about God’s love, grace, and truth. Of course, it can take years to grow in fuller understanding and application of such truth. I know enough about God’s word to be dangerous. However, not matter how much we know or grow we will never arrive […]

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Life With Chronic Pain

I just woke up to that old familiar feeling. Pins and needles running through my hands, feet, legs, and lower back. All I’ve even done is wake up to take my morning meds and sat up in the bed. When your body won’t allow you to sit up or stand up more than 30 minutes […]

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My Breaker Box Flipped Again

For the second night in a row I suffered a complete neurological breakdown. When my nervous system hits the fried level there is no reasoning with myself or turning back. Something like electricity runs from my feet to my face. At that point every sound or move around sends me into orbit. Ultimately I’m left […]

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Could Have Been Shot & Killed

My family had a great vacation planned many months ago. It was at a very discounted rate and connected to a timeshare presentation. We were staying in a two bedroom unit with a pool, hot tub, and large indoor water park for the kids. Inside the condo style room was a full kitchen, living room, […]

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My Newest Cane

Here is my newest  walking cane that I’ve been using the past two days. For my mind I needed something a little more suitable for a 43 year old. It helps so much in taking some pressure off my legs. It adjust to any height and is a cool walking stick regardless of what my […]

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Heavenly Father, Hear My Prayer

I cry out to YOU for what I don’t know and I can’t see. You have my full attention and my whole heart. My desperate need for Your complete intervention has been revealed time after time. I run to You for my daily refuge, strength, comfort and peace. I praise You for all You have […]

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My Heart Breaks In Two Daily

Anyone reading this that battles with severe chronic pain is going to think I’m reading their personal diary. As I write this my heart is pounding and breaking all at once. I’ve tried so hard to overcome this battle, but it keeps overcoming me. I want so much to spend quality time with my family. […]

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DESPERATE For Relief

At this moment I’m just taking a huge breath in and then exhaling out. My pain once again has taken me hostage. I try so hard to work through it and even flat ignore it. Many times neither one is an option for me. My pain is just a huge cloud constantly hovering over my […]

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Under Construction

  Not the way I wanted to start out my week. Woke up with my legs vibrating and heavy due to me turning up my stimulator recently. Had to revert back to my program that runs only 1 minute on and is off for 5 minutes. This program is much less taxing on my legs, […]

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Still Fighting For Me

I just spent 3 1/2 hours straight in the tub. While it’s my greatest source of relief I can’t stay in there forever. My skin has definitely been reacting negatively to so much time in water. Even still, I’ll take the breakouts sometimes in exchange for the relief. Overall, my pain has been manageable. Even […]

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What Hurts The Most

Recently, I was meeting with a lady to evaluate my health condition. We discussed what I’ve been through and what I’m still going through. How I’ve had to learn how to cope with my situation. Then I was asked “What hurts you the most?” That’s when the tears just started rolling down my face uncontrollably. […]

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Lord, I Can’t Live Like This

Go ahead and fill in the blank with your greatest issue or struggle. What’s that’s one thing you just can’t imagine enduring the rest of your life. It could be a relationship, health condition, grief or some other burden that makes you feel absolutely miserable often. If you live long enough you will face something […]

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Are You Mentally Overwhelmed?

Today, I’m feeling the best I have in awhile “mentally” speaking. I’m learning that your mental health may be the largest contributing factor in any major uphill battle. I’ve had so many dark and overwhelming days recently. Therefore, feeling even the slightest bit optimistic stands out like a beacon of light. It’s not that I’ve […]

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Difficult To Swallow

Deep down I believe we all hate major changes. Especially when it comes to things that affect us personally. It’s amazing how one major change can turn our lives upside down. Whether it be a change of relationship, health, finances, loss of a loved one or any other circumstantial change. Regardless, it can be difficult […]

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Beyond Just Pain

Chronic pain is so much more than just an occasional aching and hurting. You feel uncomfortable every minute you’re awake. The pain grinds you down minute by minute. You never get used to the torment. You just do your best to deal with it. Medication is not an option as you seek to control what […]

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You Would Do Anything

I knew that hours after today’s events I would experience much misery. My skin is crawling from head to toe. Feels like piercing ice running through my veins and I’m itching all over. This stuff makes you feel so nauseous and miserable by the second. Makes it really tough to just ignore and not want […]

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Weak Body, Willing Spirit

Well, I’m finally home after a very long day. I endured 3 hours on the road and 3 hours of intense stress to my body. I felt like I was doing exercises that most senior citizens could easily do. However, to me they all came with some degree of difficulty and discomfort. That’s what happens […]

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A Very Very Tough Day Ahead

I won’t get into all the details on here as to all that I’ve gone through over the past 2 1/2 years. I will say that there is nothing worse than when you already feel really bad having to deal with lots of daily unnecessary stress. Today is another one of those days for me […]

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Toughest Time Of My Life

My body feels like it must be at least 40 years older than my actual age. I’ll be the first to admit that I used to joke about the Life Alert commercial all the time. You know the one that has someone lying on the floor saying “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” […]

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You’ve Been So Faithful

In the midst of extreme adversity it’s real easy to get caught up in your emotions. In life’s toughest moments you can easily feel like things are falling apart. That your life has never been worse. That you will never get through whatever trial you’re presently facing. Trust me, I know because I feel all […]

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Desperate For Refuge

Deep inside I’m just flat exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually I’m running on fumes. You see, I don’t think you can separate these areas. All of you matters to God and contributes to one’s overall health. Just the fact that I’ve only slept a few hours the past two nights has enough potential […]

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I Need You To Pick Me Up

I would love to tell you that I’m strong and I’ve got it all together. However, that would be one of the biggest lies on the planet. I’ve never felt weaker than I do right now. I’m exhausted, bruised, and very broken. Just to be in my own skin is more than overwhelming. I need […]

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Not Feeling Well

Around 10:30pm Saturday night and I’m hoping to get to sleep soon. While I’ve done absolutely nothing all day I don’t feel well at all. My lower back is aching, my legs are extremely weak, and I feel very nauseous. I certainly hope my my stimulator is not over stimulating me. I’ve already got it […]

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Sick And Lonely

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I’m an extreme extrovert. I rarely meet a stranger and love interacting with people. I still do enjoy the fellowship of others. However, my health has really separated me from so many. Other than Sunday morning church I typically never go anywhere with anyone.  It gets lonely when […]

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Skin Breakouts

Here are some pics of yesterday’s breakouts. They are there one minute and gone the next. They come in about every shape and fashion. Sometime I see lines, patches, dots, rarely circle, a have covered the inside of my hands with burning red many times. Folks you name it and I’ve got it. Feet, hands, legs, […]

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Finally Some Major Sleep

When I tell you my body is just flat exhausted I am not joking. I just finished sleeping almost 12 hours and I still feel like I could sleep the rest of the day. My legs still feel completely shot and don’t want to even be moved.  Both legs are presently vibrating inside. Thank you […]

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Stuck In A Rut

None of it happens overnight. It’s a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Next thing you know you just feel stuck. You might not be rolling backwards, but you’re no longer moving forward. You know something needs to change, but you’re in a dog fight towards making those changes. I’m certainly […]

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That Old Familiar Feeling

Chronic pain by definition is pain that is ongoing for six months or more. I guess have it since it’s been wrecking my life and nervous system for over 2 1/2 years. I have not been sleeping soundly lately. My medications are making me dream constantly and feel like I’m semi-awake most of night. This […]

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Health Update 5/31/18

I’ve now approached 32 1/2 months of dealing with this painful roller coaster ride. I continue to write things fresh in the moments as God leads. I’m still praying that my journey can benefit and encourage someone on their journey. I’m hoping my records of what’s going on now can testify to what God alone […]

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Rejoice Even In The Pain

Pain is something I’m used to night and day. Trying to focus on anything is difficult especially with medication that keeps me foggy. This stuff changes your entire approach to life. I’ve been fighting with it all and through it all for almost 1000 days. However, I’ve finally reached a different way of coping.  Now, […]

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Growing Old Ain’t For Sissies

Earlier my beautiful bride drove me to my doctor’s appointment in Charleston. Of course, I had to correct her driving every other mile. I can promise you I don’t make a great passenger. Regardless, it’s simply what’s best for my health at this time. I wish someone would have warned me that my wife would […]

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I’m Free Falling

I’m living in a season of life totally beyond my experience, understanding and education. I may have a masters degree in theology, but I’m far from mastering anything in my life right now. As a person, husband, father, and pastor I have so far to go. When you add up all my inadequacies mixed with […]

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I May Have CRPS/RSD

After reading this piece about CRPS/RSD I will definitely be talking with my doctor later today on my scheduled visit. I basically have every symptom on here and it has definitely been getting worse. My meds put me out for about two hours tonight and now I’ve woken up due to the itching and throbbing […]

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My Hands Keep Breaking Out

Every time there is intense pain on my lower back nerves this happens. My hands start out covered in red dots and then just become beaming red. My left hand has actually been swelling in recent days. If the intensity doesn’t come down it breaks out on my forearms, feet and anywhere else it chooses. […]

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I Really Feel God At Work

After spending over 15 hours straight  in the bed I was able to capture over 9 hours of sleep. I got out the house for the first time in two days. I discovered two hours later what I already knew. My legs are so weak that I told my wife I may start using a […]

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You Must Remember

I don’t know what you might be going through right now in your life. Maybe you’re in a lot of physical pain. Maybe emotionally you’re flat overwhelmed. Maybe your life circumstances feel like they will never change. Maybe you find yourself in the absolute fight of your life. Then, you definitely need to remember! You […]

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Celebrating Freedom, Still In Pain

It’s been another uneventful day. I spent the first twelve hours in bed with only half of that time sleeping. I’ve spent the last six hours in the tub. I’ve already taken one Valium and I’m praying that I don’t have to take anymore. My body has been radiating with nerve pain all day long. […]

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Dear Self

 I write these kind of things to myself periodically. I strongly encourage you to do the same. May seem a little strange, but I believe you have to stay honest with yourself as often as possible. Just imagine you’re talking with someone else except that someone is you. If you can be truly honest this […]

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Don’t Believe Everything You Think

According to my Fitbit my meds knocked me out for almost 3 hours. I thought I would sleep through the night. But, I’m wide awake with nerve pain running through my hands, legs, and feet. While I might not enjoy it physically, I’ve been doing so much better mentally lately. It’s like after I saw […]

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I Can’t Do What I Once Did

Here I am laying on ice or heat for the 10th time since Sunday morning. While I have years of experience in ministry. Even though I can see the field with clearer vision than ever before. Despite  knowing how to allow God to lead my every step. Regardless of all these things just trying to […]

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No Matter What I’m All In

It never surprises me that it’s mainly Saturday nights that I struggle to get to sleep. I’ve got enough nighttime meds in me to put down a grizzly bear. Plus I took most of my nighttime meds almost 3 hours ago. Typically I would have been out by now. The only night I need rest […]

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Officially Call Me Psycho

Imagine a strong electrical current running through your entire body. I’m not talking about anything created by my spinal cord stimulator. I’m talking something that with or without my stimulator runs like a river through my veins. Every moment of my life I’m living on the edge of a very tall cliff. All it takes […]

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Another Stimulator Change

Last night about 2am in the morning I had to adjust my stimulator again. I was not just hurting, but I was very nauseous not even four hours after moving my stimulator setting from a 4 to a 6. I immediately knew I was being over stimulated so I got my wife to turn it […]

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PLEASE HELP ME

Last night I had a series of dreams. Not about imaginary things but of things I’ve observed in the past that still deeply move my heart in the present. In these dreams were people I had the joy of helping throughout Colleton County back when my health was much better. It was as if each […]

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Stimulator Adjustments

Last night I turned my stimulator up from a 2 to a 4 and I do believe it’s kept me sane. Earlier I moved it back up to a 6 which was originally where I had it before I had to dial it down due to over stimulation. I sometimes won’t know until 24-72 hours […]

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I Rediscovered Something

Today, I got out the house for the first time in five days. I had an 11am counseling appointment that was an hour drive one way. When I got back home four hours later I got my haircut. Physically I’m still breathing hard and my lower body is exhausted. My physical pain is just as […]

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“But, Look What God Is Doing”

I just left from seeing my counselor for like the 25th time throughout my painful journey. It’s such a blessing to be able to share your heartaches, struggles and fears without feeling any condemnation. Many times God has used this man to be His Still small voice of comfort and confirmation. Today God used him […]

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I Understand A Lot Better Now

I’ve been by the bedside of hundreds of very sick and dying people. I always sought to meet each person with sincere love, compassion and encouragement. I always sought more to understand than to be understood. Man, if God were to allow me those opportunities again I would meet them all with so much more […]

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Will Life Ever Be The Same?

I would imagine this is a question that many ask themselves after a deep sense of loss. I know many feel this way after the loss of a very close loved one. Crazy thing is I’ve not had any recent loss of a loved one. No one in my strong circle of family or friends […]

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Frozen By Design

I’ve always been a very decisive guy. I typically see things real clearly. However, you get enough thrown your way and your mind is gonna hit overload. I’m just not physically, mentally, or emotionally where I can handle much more. I literally feel frozen as pain limits me, medication fogs me, and life’s demands overwhelm […]

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I’m Such A Weak Man

USC’s star running back Marcus Lattimore spoke some of the most powerful words when he said, “adversity introduces a man to himself.” Well, I’ve definitely been introduced to myself and I don’t like what I see. I’m so weak it’s pitiful. All this time I thought I was strong, but I have no strength of […]

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Late Night Freakout

Had already had an evening full of torment. Was just excited to finally go to sleep. Was in a very deep sleep for 1hr and 45 minutes only to be woken up feeling like my body was being electrocuted. My stimulator was turned down the past 24 hours simply because I got tired of feeling […]

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The Pain Runs So Deep

I’ve said before that the best chance at me having even a somewhat bearable day is to shorten my day. Well, I got things started off right by sleeping from 3am to 2pm. Even still I woke up with my legs continuously throbbing. I have no answers to this painful reality. All I know is […]

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God Did It Again

  I just finished about 45 minutes of pool therapy. My mind is in a much better place as a result. I had to make myself go because I had to get out the house. I spent way to long dancing with the devil and swallowing his lies. I know the fight is far from […]

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My Fight Is Gone

I’m no longer going to call anyone and burden them with my misery. I’m not looking for pity or just trying to get attention. My nervous system has completely crashed and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I’m holding on to Jesus for dear life as satan is coming at me from every angle. […]

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Unedited Prayer

Lord, I’m coming to you with all that’s on my mind and heart. I really don’t know I can keep going on feeling this way. Then again I don’t know how I’ve made it this far. Had to be You that has carried me the past 32 months. You know I’ve been one step away […]

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I’m Struggling To Pray

Ever find yourself so out of breath and miserable you can hardly pray. I’m struggling once again to even utter a sentence pray for myself or situation. The misery has gone on so long that I’m losing hope. The agony is so great that I’m consumed with nothing but pain anytime I’m awake. Pain at […]

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I Hate/Like My Stimulator

I really don’t know how I feel about my stimulator anymore. I’ve found if I completed turn it off I can barely breath through the pain. If I run it very low I have to deal with more pain. And if I turn it up enough to eliminate certain pain then I’m having to deal […]

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How Much Longer Lord?

I was praying I was closer to my happy ending. It appears things could actually be getting worse. My torment just keeps lingering. Today has been pure Hell and I’ve only hurt more with each passing minute. The human side of me is tempted to ask “what have I done to deserve this misery?” I’m […]

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Jesus Fell Asleep On Me

I believe we always find ourselves in one of three zones. We’re either headed for a storm, in a storm, or just got through a storm. There is one more zone which I find myself in right now. I’m in the eye of the storm which is that zone most overwhelming, frightening, and constantly painful. […]

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No Longer Me

A few years ago I could handle pretty much any crisis that came my way. Whether it be a sudden death, marriage crisis, or being the bearer of extremely bad news. It wasn’t that I enjoyed all those things happening, but I found great joy in helping others when they needed it the most. I […]

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One Step Away

Often we find ourselves feeling just one step away from falling apart. Somehow God always saves the day.

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Another Eventful Day

Well, I started out my day very grateful for the 6 hours sleep I got last night. Then, I headed to church to preach a message God had already burned in my heart. I knew if I could just stay out of God’s way lives would be changed. Both services were full as I shared […]

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Relentless Pain

It’s 11:30pm Saturday and it’s just another night on pain island. I made sure I took all my sleepy time and breakthrough pain medications over 2 1/2 hours ago. Still , the pain in my lower back has not been phased nor can it be ignored. When will it stop always comes to my mind. […]

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Bed, Bath & Beyond

The week has been tough and the days have been long. Today, I’ve spent most of my time in the bed and the rest of my day in the tub. The bad news is my discomfort is steady. The great news is I’ve shed no tears all day. Knock on wood, the dam of insane […]

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Thank You Jesus For 421

The best way to ever wake up is saying and meaning the words “Thank You Jesus.” I went to bed in great pain and discomfort. I’m so grateful for every second of the 4 hours and 21 minutes God just allowed me to sleep. My body was very exhausted so it wasn’t the most sound […]

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Desperate For Compassion

This afternoon I had another very big appointment. One that I knew was going to be even tougher due to a night of constant pain and very little sleep. I walked in with my legs extremely heavy, lower back aching, and my nerves nearly shot. During the 1 1/2 hour drive there I just prayed […]

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Mixed Emotions

What I’m about to share is not for some pity party. Nor, is about saying my problems are greater than your problems. Honestly, my one and only greatest problem is the state of my health. However, that one problem affects every area of my life. In fact, it affects every person I hold dear in […]

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The Dam May Be Breaking Again

According to my Fitbit I’ve slept almost 2 1/2 hours. I’m now sitting up in my bed just trying to catch my breath. Every night my dreams keep getting more and more intense. As if I need anymore intensity running throughout my nerve stricken body.  I’ve now had my stimulator turned down for several hours […]

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Another Big Appointment

Later today my mom will be taking me to Columbia for a full physical evaluation. I have no idea what exercises or tests might be in front of me. All I know is the wrong movements will stir up my nerves even worst and hurt very badly. I’m praying I can get some good sleep […]

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A Prisoner In My Own Body

Heigh-Ho! Heigh-Ho! Back in the tub I go! I know it doesn’t sound so bad unless you’ve been enduring this for 32 months straight. The intensity of my nerves raging throughout my body has only increased the past few days. In fact, the throbbing in my tailbone has even returned to some degree. I literally […]

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Walking Through A Clouded Valley

My body has literally been vibrating all day with nerve pain. My vision and mind have been constantly clouded. The sound of my own voice makes my own body hurt more. I’ve tried to adjust my spinal cord stimulator but nothing has made any difference. It’s as if I’m plugged into an electrical outlet and […]

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Laughter Is Medicine For The Soul

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. By 6:30am my nerve pain was raging throughout my body and I hadn’t even gotten out the bed. Quickly it reached a point when I knew mixed with my other morning meds I needed to take a Valium to keep it from reaching […]

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A Breaker Must Be Tripped

I’ve not even gotten out of bed yet and my nerve pain is already on the edge of insane. It has nothing to do with anything on my mind. It has nothing to do with anything I have done. I’ve only slept a little over four hours and my body simply can’t function on that […]

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Scared Of The Future

    I believe most of us today have a fear of many things. We especially worry about what the future might hold. When it comes to our family, finances, and health just to name a few. So much going on around us on the outside triggers our deepest concerns on the inside. It is […]

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Forced To Regroup

When life throws you a curve ball you’re often forced to regroup. Especially if what happens takes you by total surprise. It’s amazing how just one life event can force so much change. In just a moment everything you once knew as normal can be flipped upside down. Then, it takes quite some time to […]

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Back To Where I Started

Last night I went to bed with as deep of pain as ever. My nervous system was shot. My body hurt any direction I tried to turned. I took all the medication doctors had prescribed. I went to bed with a heating pad on my back and my wife holding my hand. I chose not […]

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Lord Grant Me Favor

Today was a very intense day for me. I had a very important meeting with one of my doctors and some others. Discussed was my past, present, and potential future medical care. I felt like I was hearing about a very sad journey that has still not found a very happy ending. Anytime you hear […]

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Where Do I Begin

I’ve got one of those weeks ahead that I would love to bypass. Nothing I can get into detail about on social media. I’m still just in a total dog fight physically, emotionally, mentally, and for certain spiritually. There is no doubt that the enemy hopes at any point that I will simply wave my […]

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Sporadic Meltdowns

I felt it coming through every fiber within me. Every muscle in my back has become spastic. My legs have been throbbing with pain. It’s like dealing with a surge you just can’t stop or avoid. Even the slightest bit of stress leads to my meltdown. Earlier I was just simply looking back over the […]

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