FAITH WALKING Category

It’s Like This, Now What?

Laying on my side after midnight with the heating pad on high. I’m now way more comfortable than before. Earlier, I just had another miserable reality check. I got out for a few hours with my precious wife. The entire trip was not good for her or me. I chose to drive the first 30 […]

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Broken & Believing

As I write this I’m sitting in a shopping area parking lot. I feel badly on so many different levels. One, my body just keeps disappointing me. Two, I just physically feel miserable and want to crawl back into bed. Three, my condition makes me feel far from the man, husband, or dad I want […]

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Still In The Wilderness

My pain is bearable at this moment. My life is blessed around me. Even still I feel like I’ve been in a forever wilderness. Like I’m still walking through a thick foggy cloud. My meds still suppress my thinking. My stimulator often leaves me tingling and never feeling exacting right. I guess I’m still getting […]

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My Funeral Arrangements

A few years ago, God moved in my heart the need to plan my own funeral. As I plan my funeral, I do not feel led to worry about what songs are going to be played, what people will speak, or even where I will be buried. Honestly, those aren’t the things that will matter […]

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Keep Fighting, Keep Believing

I feel like I’ve been kicked repeatedly in my lower back. It’s been another tough day both physically and emotionally. My stimulator has still not gotten back on track. I chose to get up and get out anyway. My wife once again dealt with a bear. Someone who can’t handle much of anything.  Hour by […]

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Joy Comes In The Morning

My stimulator was shut off for over five hours. I simply had to let my over stimulated nervous system rest. In many ways things were crashing down within me yesterday. In order to get the stimulation balanced I had to deal with some extra pain. Pain from my stimulator being off and my nerves having […]

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Understanding My Condition

I already feel like a brand new man after turning off my spinal cord stimulator hours ago. My mind and demeanor are day and night versus before. The over stimulation sky rocketed my nerve pain and anxiety levels. It makes me feel like I’ve turned into the Incredible Hulk. Except in my case I don’t […]

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We’re All Very Disappointed

Today has not been the worst day of my life. Today has not revealed anything new. Today has confirmed something I wish it didn’t. An hour ago I had to turn my spinal stimulator off due to being over stimulated. As much as it has helped me it clearly wrecked me today. Since getting out […]

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Taking The Mask Off

With the help of medication I slept very well last night. There’s no doubt that sleep is critical to my broken body being able to heal or operate. There’s also no doubt this colder weather has lots to do with my nerves flaring up even more. I’m much better if I’m laying on a heating […]

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Sometimes God Works Fast

I drastically changed my spinal cord stimulator settings less than three hours ago. I’ve had this implanted device for seventeen months. It’s cutting edge technology is not something you ever master. Instead, you learn over time of its power. You also realize that having patience with it is a must. Rarely is anything a quick […]

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Give Up The Fight

Today has been one of those days. The kind where you feel like you’re just hanging on by a thread. No one can get on your last nerve because every space has already been taken. You don’t know how much more you can bear. Every step is a fight and each thought is a prayer.  […]

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Been A Long Night

I’ve only slept two hours total all night. Even though my body is beyond exhausted. Seems I’ve been attacked every direction. Fortunately, I don’t have these kind of nights often anymore. I can recall when this was a normal nightly occurrence. No wonder I felt like I was going crazy before.  My nerve condition can […]

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His Strength Is Enough

Sundays are usually my toughest days of the week. I have to get up way earlier than my body is used to getting up. I have to focus way more than my medicine allows. I have to keep going longer than my disabled body will allow. I give all I can, but quickly realize it […]

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Love Like Jesus

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten too little sleep. Maybe it’s because I’ve watched a series of sappy, true life videos. Maybe it’s because I’m a softy when it comes to watching others struggle. But, all I know is God has given me a very tender heart over the years. I have always been compelled to […]

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Finding True Joy

It’s 3:30am and I’m in the middle of another long night. This colder weather is doing my broken body no favors. You would think by now I would be used to this pain. This throbbing, shooting, alaching pain just won’t go away. After awhile you just can’t ignore how nauseous it makes you feel. Even […]

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Thankful For Good Moments

My evening has been so much better than my entire day. There are many things that have still not changed with my health condition. However, one thing that has changed is my perspective. What I used to call just a bad day I now call blessed. Great brokenness helps you realize your blessings. Earlier I […]

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Write About It

One day I will release a book to help others deal with their pain by faith. Until then and beyond I will keep writing about my own painful journey. Not in an attempt to wallow in my suffering. Instead, I’ve discovered something I believe can help anyone working through pain. All you’ve got to do […]

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I’m Ok Except For This

Imagine feeling like your entire insides are vibrating and aching all the time. That just a sudden sound or movement could send shockwaves straight through your nervous system. Imagine never having a true break from your discomfort. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. Imagine doctors telling you there’s nothing they […]

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What Keeps Me Going

Ministry for me has never been more physically or emotionally draining. It’s not that I’m doing so much more. But, the fact I can’t handle as much as before. My nerve pain is to me what kryptonite is to Superman. Whatever superpowers I once had are gone away. This disabling nerve pain appears to be […]

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You Can’t Always Run

It really doesn’t matter whether it’s morning, day or night. Whether I work or don’t work. Whether I’m in South Carolina or California. Whether I’m in the bed or out. My nerve condition disrupts my life twenty four seven. Most of the time, I would do anything to rid myself of this pain. There’s literally […]

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I’m Only Human

I’ve been soaking in a hot tub for several hours. Just hoping to drown out the pain that runs deep throughout my body. Recent days have been very productive and fulfilling. It’s also been painfully obvious just how human I’ve become. I say that as if I wasn’t human before. However, reaching this point has […]

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Pastor’s Wives

I know two pastor’s wives really well. One gave birth to me and raised me. The other married me and continues to raise me. I’m pretty certain my mom and wife would confirm I’m not joking about the continual raising me part. So, I’ve had two unique view points of pastors wives. I’ve seen one […]

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God Override My Humanity

More times than not I simply don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. My body feels weak and my mind is so limited. No matter how strong I try to be my strength is never enough. No matter how much I study I’m never smart enough. No matter how hard I try I always fall […]

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Back To Life & Reality

It’s hard to swallow every time. I had the most productive week I’ve had in over 38 months. A huge part of me thought the old me was coming back. Just to drive myself a few places on my own was big. Having the opportunity on consecutive days to be there for others was even […]

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Reading Other People’s Mail

The longer I have this battle raging within my body. The longer this indescribable pain continues. The easier it is for me to recognize other people’s pain and misery. It’s an ability I wish I could have apart from such a painful experience. Yet, there seems to be no better teacher than experience. Everyday, I […]

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God Rescued Me

Recently, I’ve been able to associate myself with some words I wondered would ever be possible again. For 38 months straight all I knew was unpredictable and flat broken. Several highly credible doctors have confirmed my nervous system is permanently broken. My symptoms have daily confirmed they’re each right to a high degree of medical […]

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Just Keep Faith Walking

I’ve been in a waiting chamber for what seems like forever. For over 38 months I’ve been waiting on my body to feel anything like normal. Still the pain disrupts practically everything. For over 35 months I’ve been longing to get back to work full time. Not sure I’ll see that happen anytime soon. For […]

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Look For Reasons To Celebrate

It’s that time of night again. That point I reach daily where the pain just finally wears me down. Something like electricity keeps running throughout both feet all the way up into my face. I’m tempted to throw a full blown pity party. To tell you how bad life is for me at this present […]

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Touched By Childlike Faith

A few months ago, I attended a worship service called special gatherings. Last year I  joined a board of folks who carry out this ministry. It is a gathering full of adult mentally challenged folks that all reside in the Walterboro, SC area. Over fifty of them gathered to worship as they do every Sunday […]

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Thank God Seasons Change

There is no doubt this colder weather is not my friend. All I have to do is wake up and get up. Just getting out of my warm covers for a minute lets me know everything I need to know. This chilly weather makes things hurt more than ever. It literally cuts through me like […]

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Pain Connects, God Comforts

Laying on my side still waiting on the pain to settle. I have no idea what has thrown my spinal cord stimulator completely out of rhythm. It has worked so well for a few months straight. The change in temperature has to be playing some factor. Anyway, it’s not the first time and certainly won’t […]

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My Limitations Frighten Me

I’ve had a rather short day considering most people’s normal Friday. I didn’t even get out of bed until nearly 1pm. Therefore, I’ve only been awake for a little over 8 hours and it’s already time for my nighttime meds. Besides getting a bite to eat I’ve not left the house all day. Yet, my […]

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Parents Wake Up

For a long time I was asleep as a parent. Sure I love my children dearly and I would do anything for them. However, I believe it’s when they hit the teenage years that most of us really wake up. Why? Because what once seemed simplistic gets very complicated. Before the teenage years you’re just […]

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Breakthrough Has Come

115 days ago I set out on my first ever 40 day faith walk. At that time, I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. I had never felt more helpless in my life. I didn’t know if my situation could improve. I didn’t know if I might have to step away from being a pastor. […]

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I’m Going On Strike

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough. We live in a society that puts too much undeserved pressure on people. Everybody wants things to happen overnight. There’s never enough hours in the day mentality. You’ve gotta do it all and have it all now.  Now, I’m all about seizing the moment in front […]

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Reason For The Season

No matter what I set out to do my pain keeps interrupting. Its really hard to sit still when it’s hard to sit period. Its really hard to concentrate on anything when the pain is constantly grinding my nerves. I wish more than anything I could get this pain out of my life. Yet, I’m […]

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Continue To Learn

I still recall what my professor said on the first day of my journey towards getting my masters degree. He said, “I’m not here to teach you everything you need to know. I’m here to teach you how to be a life long learner.” Those words have never left my mindset the past twenty years. […]

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I Can’t Stop This Feeling

It’s only been two days straight of waking up this miserable. I’m used to being a little uncomfortable, but feeling this way takes me to the furthest edge. I always have pain that is at least a 4 out of 10. However, there is a great difference between that and this which is a 7/8 […]

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When The Present Pain Blinds You

I keep desperately wanting to think the worst is behind me. However, my throbbing nerve stricken body is flooding me with doubt. This colder weather is proving to be brutal. My pain is constant throughout my body and I’m miserable. This feeling is not something you ever get used to in life. You just learn […]

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This Thorn In My Flesh

It’s with me when I wake up, get up, and go to bed. My nerve pain is always interfering my life. This is not anything I ever expected or would have planned. Explaining the weight of this struggle is impossible to put into words. The possibility that I might spend the rest of my life […]

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Uncomfortable In My Skin

One thing I’ve learned that is true for us all. Everything is easier when it’s not you going through it. When it’s not your nerves being fried. When it’s not your cross to bear. When it’s not your nightmare to get through. When the struggle is around you not within you. I feel so uncomfortable […]

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You Must Stay Proactive

Many times you’re simply minding your own business. You’re at home, work, or just trying to do something relaxing. Next thing you know satan strikes out of nowhere. He may breathe confusion in a relationship. He may take you from the greatest high to the lowest low. All you know is you just didn’t see […]

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Dads Lives Matter

Tonight we celebrated my dad’s 70th birthday. It was a surprise party and total family affair. He clearly appreciated our thoughtfulness. My brothers and I clearly recognized the significance of the moment. You see, we’ve each been blessed to call him dad for well over forty something years. I’m well aware that many never get […]

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Sunny Side Up

Some of you actually like your eggs this way. Sunny side up means only one side of the egg is fried. Personally I like my eggs totally fried. However, when it comes to my life I prefer things sunny side up. And, while my nerves are fried within I see the sun shining through daily. […]

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Long Time Coming

It’s been five long months since I last got my spinal cord stimulator adjusted. Like a car with high mileage it’s long overdue for a tuneup. I’ve been blessed by its overall consistency. Along with medications and lots of prayer it’s kept my nervous system from completely going haywire. However, I know I’m always living […]

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Gotta Keep Learning

I’ve been in some capacity of leadership for over twenty five years. Like most leaders I’m not sure I ever realized all it would require of me. It has definitely been a constant trial by fire. As soon as I feel I’ve learned one thing I realize how much more there is to know. The […]

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Finding New Strength

I believe it’s critical we don’t just talk about our problems, but always recognize the praiseworthy. Well, considering my present health and past days I’ve got much to celebrate. I’ve now had four bearable pain days in a row. I’ve not had one night of terror and got decent sleep everyday. Praise God, my days […]

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My Limitations, God’s Blessings

I’ve had a very rough week overall. Yet, the blessings in my life keep overflowing. God is showing me day by day how blessed I really am. I’ve honestly reached the point where I’m thanking God for my suffering. I’m learning so much, growing stronger, and seeing God do some pretty amazing things. All of […]

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Making Adjustments NOW

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize one consistent thing in my life right now. I can’t afford to not stay on top of the pain. Because once it’s on top of me I’m completely at it’s mercy. My worst times have all been at night usually after 9pm. I’ve been watching this trend […]

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Dear God, Why?

For the first time ever I can relate to Job’s mentality in questioning God. Job had reached his breaking point. He had experienced unthinkable loss of everyone in his immediate family. He had lost everything he worked so hard to attain. His body was so miserable from the constant allowed attacks of the evil one. […]

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Help Me Hold On

Sometimes you just know you are being chased down by countless demons from Hell. The attack is so real that all you can do is run for your life. The more determined you are towards seeking God’s will the greater the demonic attack. The more the intensity rises the harder it is to keep going. […]

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Last Night Was Awful But….

Last night was one of the most painful nights I’ve had in a long time. I’m sure I’ve had worse in days gone by. However, for a few hours I felt a level of pain I’ve not felt in quite some time. When it hits you suddenly at that level you’re shocked and quickly broken […]

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Trying To Stay Sane

I’m doing this for my own sanity. I don’t know anything else I can for now. I’ve taken all the meds I can that I’m praying will kick in very soon. I’m absolutely living on planet miserable. I wish I had an iv full of morphine right now. I know I will get through this […]

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You Can Only Take So Much

I’ve been awake the past 19 hours. I was fast asleep until the 4am cooler morning temperatures ran right through my nerve damaged body. All day I’ve felt like ice coals are running through my veins. After awhile it literally sucks the life out of you. I’ve just about reached that point where I would […]

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Such A Painful Day

I just finished a day full of intense pain. In fact, even after hours of soaking in the tub I’m now hurting even more. This painful day has certainly taken me by surprise. It’s also worn me out both physically and emotionally. I would give anything for this purposeful pain to go away. However, for […]

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My Plans Feel Ruined

My body has been aching all day. My mind remains in a thick fog. My heart hurts as I feel trapped by my limitations. No matter how hard I try my present health reality keeps slapping me in the face. I want things to go back to normal so bad. I have so much I […]

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God’s Will & Mixed Emotions

Trying to explain my present feelings towards life would sound rather conflicting. On one hand, I’ve never seen God more at work. On the other hand, I’ve never seen more work that must be done. On one hand, I’m beyond excited to see where God is taking things. On the other hand, I’m already exhausted […]

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Watch Out My Friend

How often do we plan stuff and just expect things to all work out? Then, unexpectedly something goes on that we never expected. It might be our car breaking down, a sudden tragedy, an argument with our spouse, or an issue with one of our children. The list is endless of what can happen in […]

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Sometimes You Need To Punt

You may or not be someone who understands football. Just in case let me explain myself. Anytime the offensive team has the ball they have a total of four tries to move the ball ten yards. On fourth down they can either go for the first down or punt the ball away. Many times it’s […]

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When The Hurt Won’t Stop

If I was a dying man I would request as much morphine as possible. My skin has just been crawling nonstop the past few days. You would think I missed taking one of my pain meds. I know the cooler weather simply isn’t helping. And, if I had to guess my spinal cord stimulator certainly […]

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I Feel Out Of Sync

I don’t mind at all having a break from the scorching heat. However, it’s obvious this colder weather is doing my body no favors. Every joint and piece of metal within me appears to be screaming for help. The only relief I find in these moments are heating pads and hot baths. I truly need to […]

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Inside The Mind Of A Pastor

We live in a day and time that each of us can be easily misunderstood. In fact, I find myself feeling that way as a pastor. Sadly, only the negative stuff makes the news headlines. It doesn’t matter if you’re a pastor or the president. People believe what they hear and only know what they […]

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Let’s Get Real

Well, I survived a longer day than I’ve experienced in a couple years. It’s not that I did a whole lot physically. But, even on Sundays I’m only active for maybe four hours tops. A few hours ago my Fitbit buzzed and said congrats you’ve been active for 7 out 7 hours which has never […]

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I’m Going Anyway Because

After waking up early from a very painful nights sleep I was very disappointed that I couldn’t go with my wife to my son’s band competition. God has now given me permission and a second wind. You see, I know in my heart that I’ve preached to others in much worse shape than I am […]

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My Reality Stinks, God Is Still Good

My son has two band competitions left before he graduates. One this Saturday and one next Saturday. Today’s is the only one that their performance is early in the day and the award ceremony is not late at night. However, it would still be an all day affair. I’ve not been able to make it […]

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Just Glad To Be There

Just got home from watching our home town high school Cougars play some football. They ended up losing in the fourth quarter, but I was just glad to be there. Had the honor of walking out on the field with my next to oldest son for senior night. This is his last year to march […]

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Living On Fantasy Island

The younger you are the more you live in a fantasy land. You grow up with dreams of how you picture life will be. Then as you get older and older true reality sets in. You realize grade school wasn’t that bad after all. That you thought you knew stress, but then you started paying […]

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This One Exercise Changed So Much

Today was my second day of physical therapy and trying to walk as much as possible without my cane. Still a lot of pain and stirring of my nerves going on within my body. I did add one other exercise that is making a big difference. I’ve intentionally done a lot of praising God for […]

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Faith Check In Progress

I’ve been in this position so many times in days gone by. Those moments when the body feels like quitting and the mind wonders why bother. Fortunately, I know I’m experiencing another one of those faith check moments. Am I going to believe in my gut or my God? Will I be led by my […]

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Continuing To Make Life Adjustments

Seems like no matter how hard I try I’m continually having to make life adjustments. What has worked in the past seasons of life simply isn’t working in this season. I’m continually running into my present limitations. I know in my my heart that I can only handle a small portion of what I used […]

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Trusting God With The Past

Time goes by so fast. We all have griefs and regrets. Moments in time we wish we could go have back. This imperfect life is full of broken roads and hearts. Even with many blessed moments our human minds always long for closure. We just wonder how we could have handled certain things differently in […]

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3:30am And The Rain Continues

  I’ve been fighting what I know is a spiritual attack from the enemy all night. The intensity of the attack has been relentless. I finally got my physical pain under control three hours ago. However, I’ve had to sleep sitting up in my bed all night due to my heart feeling like it’s nonstop […]

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I Want To Remember Today

As I shared earlier my pain is somewhat blinding. Like it feels as if I was just recently in some terrible car wreck. As I continue to lay on my side I’m desperate for some relief. I’ve thrown all the meds I can at the pain. Now, I’m just waiting on something to knock me […]

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No Pain No Gain

Well, I started the next phase of my recovery efforts today. I walked a good bit without my cane and did a few physical therapy exercises. It’s not been an easy day at all. In fact, now that I’ve tried laying down deep pain is flooding my body. I’m not surprised by it, but you […]

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Trying To Give Up This Crutch

For many months I’ve been using a cane morning, day, and night. I mean even if I’m just walking to the bathroom or kitchen inside my house. Actually, I’ve used it so long that it’s hard to remember what it’s like to walk without it. I feel so dependent upon it and unstable without it. […]

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Love Beyond The Surface

I’m somebody who doesn’t like to have a lot of surface conversation. I long to get down to the root of what’s really happening. You know, I share my story and you share yours. Where we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly in our lives. Not just so we can cry together, […]

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What If It Never Changes?

Been laying in this bed just waiting for my legs to quit throbbing and my lower back to quit aching. My wife has seen this routine hundreds of times. She tries her best to relieve the pressure. I try my best to not get too discouraged by my constant reality. However, I can’t help but […]

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I Wasn’t Feeling It

Recently, I preached back to back Sunday morning services while sitting down. It’s done wonders for my back since we found a high comfortable chair. While I was more comfortable in my new chair I was less comfortable in my mind. My morning meds had a huge grip on my ability to concentrate. There’s nothing […]

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Another Late Night

Every night seems to be the same. I take several meds in hopes of falling asleep. I turn my heating pad on it’s highest setting. I wait on my legs to quit throbbing. I put on some special cream to hopefully stop my hands and feet from itching. Literally, I’ve got one area in my […]

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Dear Special Friend

I’m not sure where to begin as I celebrate your birthday. I’ve seen so much firsthand that I might could write a book. First, I’m gonna give a shout out to your pops. Apart from him being one of my hospice patients we would likely never have met. Before he transitioned to Heaven he just […]

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How Am I Doing?

I’ve had so many wanting to know how I’m feeling. And, I do sincerely appreciate your every concern and prayer. The good news is I’m not where I used to be. The tough news is I’m still far from where I long to be. 80 days ago I stepped away in hopes of rebooting my […]

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80 Days Disconnected

  Eighty days ago God led me to fast from all social media. I remember thinking “Is this even possible for me?” Many know I’ve always been very active on my Facebook pages and online blog. However, I knew God was calling me to disconnect for awhile in order to focus most on Him and […]

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In A Waiting Chamber

We’ve all heard the saying “good things come to those who wait.” I absolutely agree this is the case in many instances. However, no one ever said it would be easy. Life is full of waiting chambers every step of the way. The older we get we realize the importance of patience but I’m not […]

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40 Days Of Purpose

I’m about to do something that will be very challenging for me. Many of you know I’m very active on social media. I’m used to posting daily on Facebook and my personal blog as God leads. Well, God is presently leading me to do just the opposite. Starting 12:01a.m. July 24th I will be fasting […]

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Easier Said Than Done

I find myself at a very nerve wrecking crossroad. It’s real easy to say I fully trust God with my future. However, my anxiety levels let me know that my mind is struggling to agree with my heart. I so want to believe God for my healing. Yet, the way my body presently feels makes […]

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In Over My Head Again

It’s 9pm and I’ve literally only been awake and out of my bed for seven hours. However, that hasn’t stopped my nervous system from crashing for the one millionth time. In these moments, there is nothing I can do to stop what follows these episodes. I typically feel something like fluid rising up within and […]

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Desperate For Good Luck

We’ve all heard the following saying a few times in our life. That being “if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all.” It’s starting to feel this way in our household. Without going into detail most would be amazed at the volume of letdowns and breakdowns we’ve experienced in the […]

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I Lost MY Super Powers

Earlier I literally thought I heard someone screaming for help. Come to find out it was just someone’s television capturing my attention. Just the sound of potential crisis alone sent shockwaves through my entire nervous system. I used to be someone that could help and handle just about any crisis situation. Now just the sound […]

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Hope Despite Chaos

Right now my entire life feels upside down. Just simply walking is a chore. Trying to think clearly is nearly impossible with my medications. My days feel so long and agonizing. I’m literally giving everything over to God by the minute. It’s only because of Him I still have confidence and peace moving forward. If […]

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There Is No In Between

I’m certain that if you polled 1000 people who battle severe chronic pain you would discover most have the following in common. When it comes to being in pain there is rarely any in between. Either you’re totally uncomfortable in pain. Or you’re in total zombie mode with limited pain. At least this has been […]

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WARNING: Mood Swings Ahead

All my medications have one big thing in common. They affect my mood and mind from sun up to sun down. Often I don’t even feel like the same person I used to be. However, I know underneath it all I’m still here. I just don’t like the way any of it makes me feel. […]

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Feeling Much Better Today

I started my blood pressure meds yesterday evening. I’m happy to say it’s now totally under control. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, but I’m told that wears off after awhile. Either way I know the alternative of not taking it is much worse than taking it. I just hated adding one […]

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I’m Gonna Be Okay

I’m ok getting something to eat and then heading home to get the blood pressure meds they are putting me own. Said they believe my high level pain for so long has definitely taken its toll. I’m still very light headed but the Valium has helped my anxiety. I was so scared for s short […]

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Sitting Inside Roper Express Care

Earlier I arrived at my scheduled appointment with my back surgeon. We didn’t even get started talking about my health before I knew they needed to check my blood pressure ASAP. My face was flush and I felt extremely light headed. In addition my legs were just aching and trembling. Plus my right shoulder was […]

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Starting Monday Right

I’ve been up since 5am due to a body that continues to fail me. However, I’m thrilled God woke me up another day. I know there is not a day that He has created for me that’s not purposeful. As long as there is breath within me I’m looking forward as I seek His good, […]

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Present Health Concerns 7/15/18

Wow! The past few days have not been kind to my health. My heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest. Yesterday and today my blood pressure has been very high for me. I’ve felt light headed off and on. And, no I’m not taking any of what’s going on lightly. In […]

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Still A Nervous Wreck

I finally fell asleep for a few minutes thanks to all my medications. Then, suddenly, I was startled back awake by some nearby sound. I really have no idea what it was that triggered my nerves. However, my wife can testify that the least little thing can make my entire body jump. Especially when my […]

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Sometimes You Need Counseling

Hopefully my nighttime meds will have made me comfortable and able to sleep soon. First thing in the morning my wife will be taking me back to see my counselor. It always seems my appointments come at just the right time. It’s as if God orchestrates it all when it’s needed most. I can’t wait […]

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This Breaks My Heart Most

My chronic pain has caused so much heartache in its 34 months of existence. I wish I was just talking about my own heart. Unfortunately, this season of suffering has reached into every part of my family. It honestly breaks my heart most knowing that my condition has stolen such joy from my wife and […]

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Nerves, Allergies, Cattle

I had a long day yesterday and I’m just getting to share how things went at my medical appointments. Overall, I was very pleased by the care I received and the help I’ve been given. However, after reading up on some things I’m a little perplexed about one diagnosis. First, I’m very optimistic about my […]

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If I Had A Genie In A Bottle

We all have something we wish to God was different. Something we feel limits us, cripples us, and if we let it paralyzes us. It’s that one thing that if you did have a genie in a bottle it would be in your top three wish list that it be taken away. In your mind, […]

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Just Looking For More Answers

Well, I’ve got too real Big appointments today that a very dear brother in Christ is taking me to today. The first is to the dermatologist. I’m very interested to see what they say about my neurodermatitis that has to constantly be dealt with by meds, creams and limiting my time around water, heat, sweat, […]

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Another Piece Of Humble Pie

All things considered my day didn’t start out bad at all. For me, feeling like I’ve been kicked in my lower back repeatedly is normal. What I always fear most is having a complete neurological breakdown. From my view there didn’t seem to be one one in the forecast. That was until it hit me […]

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Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes

You name it and I’ve seen it in some form or fashion on my body. While I can’t completely stop the Neurodermatitis I’m finally able to contain it. The medication most used for this is Hydroxyzine for those dealing with this nerve driven breakout. I’ve been referred to a Neurologist for further evaluation. You scratch […]

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Does Life Feel Upside Down?

I’m simply writing these words as God leads. Nothing about me having all the answers, but I can certainly relate to life feeling upside down. I’ve been in the biggest battle of my life for quite some time. Physically, mentally, emotionally and for sure spiritually. I just quit posting everything on this personal page because […]

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Masterpiece by Danny Gokey

Heartbreaks a bitter sound Know it well It’s ringing in my ears And I can’t understand Why I’m not fixed by now Begged and I have pleaded Take this pain but I’m still bleeding Heart trusts you for certain Head says it’s not working I’m stuck here still hurting But you tell me You’re making […]

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I Hate Neurodermatitis

I’m back in the tub for the first time in 48 hours. It’s like I can’t let off even a little from taking my new medication. This itching is so intense to keep under control. The only consistent thing about my situation is inconsistency. I’ve really been comfortable most of the day. Now my Neurodermatitis […]

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Will You Trust God Now?

Prior to September 17th, 2015 I was very blessed. I was not dependent upon any daily medication. I was able to go to work all day. I was able to drive myself around anywhere instead of my wife having to carry me everywhere. I didn’t feel like I was still 15, but I felt way […]

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Such A God Made Day

I’m learning that sometimes you have to experience a really bad day in order to recognize a really good day. Well, based on what I recently experienced I’m having a really good day. My new medication has my itching under control. I’m having to take it every 6 hours and keep all my skin moisturized […]

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My Only Real Peace

I know I take a risk every time I bare my soul through the good, bad, and ugly. Especially in the lowest moments many may be quick to ask “where is your faith now preacher?” To that I would respond “My faith is not about me having it all together or how much faith I […]

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I Survived The Fiery Furnace

I can’t put into words how uncomfortable I’ve been all night and day. It’s like satan had a blow torch and was given permission to torcher me from feet to face. From continuous itching to a body feeling like it’s been kicked repeatedly with a steel toe boot. All I’ve prayed continually was for God’s […]

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I’m Very Concerned

I don’t use these words lightly as I write them. I am very concerned about how my health situation is trending. I’m certain that if nothing drastically changes soon I will have to make some drastic changes myself very soon. My pain and misery have been climbing all night. Of course, it’s never best to […]

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Lord Have Mercy On Me

My pain level is presently a 7 out 10. The only reason I wouldn’t call it any higher is because an 8-10 would mean I need to be in the emergency room. I can’t believe that in just 6 hours I’ve got to endure another 3-4 hour long Functional Capacity Evaluation. I’ve not been able […]

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My Miracle Prayer

It’s 3:30 in the morning with no sleep in sight I know the pain will end, but it’s still such a fight Until you lose your health you don’t really know  What it feels like every second to dread where you go I’m not asking for self pity or just trying to wallow I’m just […]

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Dreading Tomorrow

It’s about 11pm on a Monday night. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more emotionally and physically combined running through my veins. Tomorrow I will endure a very long appointment that to say I’m dreading is an understatement. It’s an appointment that is not fair or necessary. But, we all know life is full of […]

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Pressed, Perplexed, Knocked Down

It’s been a long day and it’s only halfway over. Got some very disappointing news earlier that continues to put my entire family on hold. Some closure that I thought was soon to be discovered has once again been delayed. I don’t know why every door around me seems to be on lockdown. Only God […]

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Here We Go Again

As soon as I thought I would finally go to sleep I started breaking out again all over my body. When it strikes it’s like a wildfire you can only hope to contain. I’ve tried every cream in the book. Also, I’m now taking a daily allergy medication. Even still I was forced into the […]

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Long Week, Still Hopeful

Lately, I’ve been doing one thing right on a consistent basis. I’ve made sure that everyday the past week I got up, got dressed and walked out of the house at some point. Why? I’ve discovered its critical to my mental, emotional and physical health. Pondering every second how bad you feel only feeds dark […]

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Come Closer Son

For reasons I don’t understand God won’t allow me to go to bed without seeking to be fully honest. I’m certain there is a bit of pride involved on my part of things. You see, I would love for each of you to believe that I’ve got it all together. I would love to paint […]

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The Longest Piggy Back Ride Ever

I’m pretty sure my wife is absolutely exhausted from taking care of me all the time and driving me to most destinations. I’m exhausted just from going place to place. We’re in a desert season where every step feels like a long country mile. Presently there are no decisions that feel easy. There are no […]

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I Didn’t See This Coming

I woke up with my body aching all over even more than usual. I slept so hard due to medication I took late last night that I woke up three hours past my 6:30 medicine alarm. Sadly, none of these medications even help my Neurodermatitis that’s driven by my severe nerve pain. Now, I’ve got […]

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I Feel Like Such A Pain

If I told you how much my health has affected my family alone it would literally take days to explain. The past nearly three years has been a nightmare. From sun up to sun down my pain has disrupted my entire household. Most nights in between have been so long and uncomfortable. I painfully see […]

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God Will Restore Things

  Last night was the worst my itching has been so far. Eventually all my meds and Benadryl drifted me off to sleep. I’ve only been out of the bed for a little over 3 hours. However, I’ve learned that the shorter my day the better the day for my present condition. Nearly 10 hours […]

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The Intensity Continues

Tonight has been my worst nerve pain driving itching night so far. It’s like playing that game at Chucky Cheese where you’re trying to hit random pop up figures with a hammer. The itching is everywhere at once. I’m trying everything I can to stop or even soothe my skin. My feet, hands, legs, arms, […]

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My Bold Audacious Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, This prayer is long overdue and beyond necessary. I praise you for all that You have done for me and despite me up to this point. I acknowledge the fact that You’ve not just created me, but You’ve sustained me all these years. Your faithfulness is undeniable and encouraging. Thank You for […]

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I’m Giving Up On Myself

I’ve only completed 4 days of my recently started 7 day challenge to not focus on my pain. God knows I’m trying so hard to pass this test. But, when your legs hurt so bad and your body feels like it’s been hit by a truck it’s so tough. Just went a mile up town […]

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Why Am I So Surprised?

  Today, I road out with my wife to deal with some family matters. I didn’t want her to go alone and I really wanted to be with her. She goes so many places without me due to my health. So, I thought I would tag along since she would be driving. Somehow, I sometimes […]

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Only God Calms The Insanity

This neurodermatitis is driving me crazy. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed it wakes me up sometime before 6am with intense itching. I just have to keep the itch relief cream near me at all times. When you have something the doctor says is nerve driven and not curable it’s all you […]

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Still Holding My Hand

I’ve officially reached the 34th month of my health battle. The entire time I’ve felt like I was just one step away from losing it all. I’m not talking about just losing a job, a house, or even my family. I’m talking about collapsing from within as my body has been so close to completely […]

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Working Not Wallowing

I started a 7 day challenge 3 days ago. A challenge to attempt not to wallow in my pain as I continue to work through it. Yes, it’s still staring me in my face day and night. Yes, it’s still very difficult to get around. Yes, I feel miserable often and wish it would all […]

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Yes You Can My Child

Well, my Neurodermatitis is daily getting worse. The rashes and itching are popping up constantly throughout the day driven by my nerve pain. It’s definitely getting on my nerves and leaving me very uncomfortable. But, I’m  learning something the devil doesn’t like. I’m learning to be proactively prepared for the pop ups. I know it’s […]

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My 7 Day Challenge

Had a very dear lady from church ask me to do something that I’m more than willing to try. She said, “I want you try and go 7 days straight without focusing on your pain.” She further explained that she wasn’t saying that I’m not in constant discomfort. But, she wanted me to claim God’s […]

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Is Death An Accident or Appointment?

I’ve preached a lot of funerals in my 25 years of ministry. From the pre-mature baby, toddler, teenager, college student, those 0 to 99, and  many in between. Many were called accidents and gone way too soon. For certain most of their loved ones were never ready to say goodbye. Yes, we all know death […]

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Dealing With A Rare Crisis

I’m discovering it’s quite something to be dealing with any rare crisis. For me it’s just been a series of rare experiences related to my rare level of nerve pain issues. At first you just want answers from anyone who might know anything. Then after you get just a general idea of what might be […]

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How Long, O Lord?

Even with more than enough knockout nightly meds I’ve only been getting a little over 5 hours sleep the last five nights. This is at least 3 1/2  hours less than I was averaging before. I have no idea what the x-factor is that’s making the difference. I know it’s driving my wife crazy as […]

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Still A Thorn In My Side

Of all the things that could bother me I’ve tossed and turned all night due to the one thing that should not be bothering me. Yes, once again it’s that big, bulky metal battery implanted over 4 months ago in the ride side of my lower back. It still really hurts bad if ever pressed […]

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Thank God For New Mornings

Last night was one of my roughest nights. At that time I was just experiencing such pain, distress and anguish. All I could do was cry out to my God for help and comfort. Finally, the medication eased my discomfort and put me to sleep. I woke up this morning five hours later to take […]

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Chapter 12: A Prophetic Word

What I’m about to share I believe to be prophetic. One day you will read this in a book God plans for me to write. Except then it won’t be prophetic anymore, but my new reality. Right now God is writing this book through me daily. It was around 24 months ago God spoke to […]

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My Desperate Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, Only you know how much I’m painfully bleeding inside. I’m only a shell of myself and can do nothing about it. I don’t believe anything happens apart from either Your divine allowance or orchestration. Please give me the faith I need to keep trusting You through this valley and beyond it. You’ve […]

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Real & Raw Take 1,000,000

My skin is crawling so bad and my heart is hurting so much. I feel like a prisoner in this broken body. Yet, I more than realize there is no quick fix. In fact, obviously there is nothing really man can do for me except listen and pray. I just never saw these days coming […]

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My Heartache, God’s Mission

Seems like by the day I discover something new that I’m dealing with on a daily basis. Earlier I went to the doctor to figure out what exactly I could do to treat this most likely viral crud that’s been making me feel awful by the day. I left away with some antibiotic and something […]

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Praying Big & Expecting Big Results

I’ve  never had more big decisions staring me in the face all at once. Everything in my life is in the building or rebuilding stage. In most respects, I’ve been living by extreme faith for the past 18 years. I can truly say I’ve always allowed God to lead me and my family to whatever […]

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Piece By Piece

To say I’m totally exhausted would be such an understatement. I can’t handle much more physically, emotionally, or mentally. My body aches all over. My eyelids are hard to keep open. Any critical thinking has the potential of making me go crazy. I’m becoming more and more dependent upon walking with a cane. I’ve had […]

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Are We There Yet?

My 8 year old son still asks the same question a million times on any road trip over an hour. “How many more minutes before we get there daddy?” Usually no matter what your response he just takes a deep breath of disappointment as he says “it’s taking such a long time to get there.” […]

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The Days Are Long, BUT

To my wife I know I sound like a broken record. My days are so long and never seem free of pain. I would love for God to go ahead and give me my new Heavenly body. One that is free of pain, tears, heartache , and any discomfort. From the human standpoint my current […]

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Better Than It Was

After a very long week we’re headed back home from family vacation. While it was a very rough week there were some smiles and laughs shared. I didn’t get to do much physically with them, but I’m still thankful I could even be around. It’s amazing how much just a few years can make such […]

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I’m Dreading Father’s Day

There is no denying that satan has been hovering over me like a buzzard. I’m sure he thinks any moment I will completely give up on everything. He has done all he can to tell me that I’m worthless and hopeless this week alone. I can’t imagine where this would lead most who don’t know […]

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I’m At Such A Low

I’m at such a low point. My heart is drowning in sorrow. Maybe it’s just full blown depression. I don’t feel control over any of my emotions. I feel like an unpredictable lunatic. It’s like my mind has blown a fuse that must either be replaced or replenished. No one needs to tell me anymore […]

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Are You Battling Demons?

Where do I begin with this one? I’ve grown up knowing about God’s love, grace, and truth. Of course, it can take years to grow in fuller understanding and application of such truth. I know enough about God’s word to be dangerous. However, not matter how much we know or grow we will never arrive […]

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Life With Chronic Pain

I just woke up to that old familiar feeling. Pins and needles running through my hands, feet, legs, and lower back. All I’ve even done is wake up to take my morning meds and sat up in the bed. When your body won’t allow you to sit up or stand up more than 30 minutes […]

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