FAITH WALKING Category
Still Itching
Posted on April 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I got 4 hours sleep thanks to Benadryl and other meds. But, been up since 4:30am back dealing again with this itching. While I need to take my meds at 6am I’m already dreading the possibility of dealing with that intense itching again. As I said before I’m not talking just a little itching. I’m […]
MOST INTENSE ITCHING
Posted on April 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I was afraid of this possibility when I increased my Neurontin intake to the max. Just partially settled down the most intense itching one could describe. In fact, it felt more like nails in my hands, feet, and legs. Lotion did nothing and aloe gel couldn’t calm anything. Had to put my hands and feet […]
10pm Med Change
Posted on April 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
Been back in the tub a little while now. In order to officially put myself on an exact every 8 hours medication rotation I had to adjust my normal schedule. Instead of taking my normal nighttime dose at 7:30pm I had to wait until 10pm. I can feel that 2 1/2 hour delay in every […]
I Can Breathe Again
Posted on April 11, 2018 1 Comment
Well today has been a breath of fresh air compared to the past several days. I slept half the day, been able to keep my pain bearable and just finished some water therapy with this guy at the YMCA. My body aches with most movement, but it’s just extremely sore from being fried for days. […]
Sorry, You’ve Been Sick Too Long
Posted on April 10, 2018 Leave a Comment
I observed the following many times in my past. However, I had to experience it myself for total confirmation. I’ve been battling major chronic pain for almost 31 months. I’ve still not been cleared to work full time by my doctor to this day. Meaning most of my life is still spent on the inside […]
When You Just Don’t Know
Posted on April 9, 2018 1 Comment
I know they say some things get easier with time, but I can assure you that’s not true with all things. Sure, over time you learn how to cope, process, and try to prepare for tough moments. But, when the most painful moments hit you find yourself right back at the bottom. Your heart sinks, […]
After A Few Months It’s Back
Posted on April 9, 2018 Leave a Comment
The fact my nerve pain is really back in rare form started midway through last week. There is an area near your tailbone that once it starts throbbing you know that the extremely pinched nerve is letting you know it’s presence. All I can think is maybe the pain shots I’ve had cover it for […]
I Survived Sunday 4/8/18
Posted on April 9, 2018 1 Comment
Well I survived another day by the grace of God. As I attempt to write this both hands feel like they are on fire with intense itching. I just spent another 3 1/2 hours in a tub which was relieving. I just took 10mg of Melatonin that I pray mixed with everything else will knock […]
Dear Younger Me
Posted on April 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
I figure I’m at least midway through my life. I’ve thought deeply about some things I would tell the younger me. And while I can’t go back and relive any of my past I’m hoping what I’ve learned might help someone just starting out their life journey. These are just a few things that I […]
5am 4/8/18
Posted on April 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m very concerned about today. I’ve gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep as I’ve been tossing and turning since 1:30am. I can feel my nerve pain running through every vein like ice water. It’s even up in my chest which only happens when it’s really bad. By the grace of God alone do I ever […]
Heading To Bed 4/7/18
Posted on April 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well, I’m about to hit the bed. I’ve taken enough medication to help 3 people sleep. I do believe I’ve eliminated some supplements that were causing my increased itching the past few days. While dealing with an obvious handicap daily I’m so glad my God is bigger. When I can’t see, He sees for me. […]
No Sleep, Still Shade
Posted on April 7, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 1:45am and there is no other medicine I can take at this time. I’ve covered my itching hands and feet several times with Hydrocortisone cream but it’s obvious the root of the itching is just too deep to reach. Overall my pain has settled, but my constant misery continues. Even with several meds in […]
Real & Raw Take 8000
Posted on April 7, 2018 Leave a Comment
I warned each of you that I would always share the good, bad and ugly. I do believe my meds are starting to settle my nerves. However, the skin & bone behind my new battery is really starting to ache. It’s just like the icing on top of all my other pain. Outside of just […]
In Need Of Another Miracle 4/6/18
Posted on April 7, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 9:40 pm on a Friday night. Nerve pain is still raging throughout my body. I’ve put enough meds in me the last two hours that would put any average adult to sleep for hours. Still I’m laying on my side just waiting to see what Neurontin, Muscle Relaxers, Valium and Benadryl will do. My […]
Invisible Until Visible Diseases
Posted on April 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
Ever heard of things like anxiety, grief, depression, or addiction just to name a few? These things make up part of a list a mile long of things many struggle with all the time even if most people only see the major side effects some of the time. I never fully recognized such things until […]
My Recovery Merry-Go-Round
Posted on April 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
This cooler weather in the mornings literally wakes me up aching long before it’s time for my scheduled medication. I don’t even have to check the weather my body’s metal is it’s on barometer. Even this moment it’s like a wind chime in a hurricane. Dealing with the 24/7 battle of my health condition really […]
The Moment I Lay Down
Posted on April 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
As crazy as it may sound to some the moment I lay down is when my greatest battle begins. It instantly exposes the things inside my back that were not God-made. I do believe God uses doctors, surgeries, technology and medications. However, nothing done to me has brought me much relief. When I lay […]
Accident or Appointment?
Posted on April 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
It gets old quickly when your greatest battle is finding comfort in your own skin. However, whether I like it or not 43 years old finds me having to battle for every step forward. I’ve had so many setbacks during my 2 1/2 years of recovery effort. I can either look at those setbacks as […]
God Doesn’t Waste Pain
Posted on April 5, 2018 Leave a Comment
The itching and throbbing I wake up to each morning is pretty intense. That has actually been worse the last few days. But, I’m certain that my body isn’t happy with me getting back into consistent exercise and that always stirs things up more. I’ve just gotta survive this transition time and not let it […]
Just Continue To Faith Walk
Posted on April 5, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well I’ve been back in the tub for awhile and might be in here the rest of the evening. Fortunately, I’m prepared now with a TV that stays setup in the bathroom since this has become my daily routine. I also purchased a nice medical table that can go over the tub, by my bedside […]
Update 4/3/18 Re-evaluation
Posted on April 4, 2018 Leave a Comment
While I feel really tired today has been productive. I slept exactly 7 hours putting my past weekly sleep average at 5 hours per night. I did have to add a few melatonin last night to my normal meds to get that much sleep. But, my body desperately needs more healing rest. In many respects […]
Don’t Give Up The Fight
Posted on April 4, 2018 Leave a Comment
If you’ve had anything rock you to your core over a lengthy period of time this message is for you. Pain is like bad company after a few days both have over stayed their welcome. At least with company you can tell them when you’ve had enough. Unfortunately, when it comes to prolonged, disruptive pain […]
Update 4/2/18 I Still Believe
Posted on April 3, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve literally only slept a few hours the past 48 hours. Even medicated it’s just not coming easy for me. My new, Big stimulator battery has really been hurting me a lot lately. It seems I now have two different corners pushing hard on my nerves. If it continues like this months from now I […]
Garth Brooks Was Right
Posted on April 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I’m so thankful for all the things I’ve prayed would happen that God made sure didn’t happen. Over time I’ve learned that only God’s plans flourish. I may feel compelled by my gut, but I can only trust my God. I may think something is best at […]
A Behind The Scenes Angel
Posted on April 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
She doesn’t like the spotlight. She does nothing for show and tell. She’s the least dramatic angel I’ve ever met. By the grace of God, I’m lucky enough to call her my wife and hopefully lifetime side kick. Even still she prefers to be the wind beneath my wings. From morning until night she gives […]
A Painful Work In Progress
Posted on April 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
My body finally collapsed last night and with the help of some knock out meds gave me a whopping 4 hours sleep. The itching in my hands and feet from this nerve pain has been very bad. I spent over 4 hours straight in the hot tub yesterday evening, but I just don’t feel like […]
He Never Promised A Bed Of Roses
Posted on April 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
I spend two thirds of my life in a bed or hot tub due to this failing body of mine. It appears that even with the best of meds solid sleep is rarely found. My entire body throbs constantly and it gets very old fighting with it. However, the devil is crazy if he thinks […]
What Went Wrong Last Night
Posted on April 1, 2018 1 Comment
So I discovered why I couldn’t sleep last night. When I went to take my morning meds I realized I had never taken my nighttime nerve pain meds. That never happens with all the alarms I set. So, it had been over 17 hours since I had taken my nerve meds and I’m used to […]
No Coincidence: I See A Pattern
Posted on April 1, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ll never forget a lady coming up to me after a worship service. She said, “Pastor Craig, the devil doesn’t have but a few outfits. Figure out what he is wearing and recognize it.” While I never heard it put that way before it made a lot of sense. The devil really is rather predictable […]
Way Beyond Me
Posted on April 1, 2018 Leave a Comment
I believe God calls us all to do things that apart from Him are doomed to fail. It just becomes more obvious when our limitations keep staring us in the face. For instance, I can hardly do anything now without sucking air, feeling like I’m falling apart, and just minutes in knowing I have to […]
Purposeful Pain
Posted on March 31, 2018 Leave a Comment
The longer you live the more you will endure much pain. Jesus warned us that this life would be full of troubles and sorrows. Pain comes in many forms. Obviously there is physical, but I believe the toughest things are mentally and emotionally painful. One thing for sure is Jesus can relate to them all. […]
Just One More Night
Posted on March 30, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 2am and I wish I was even close to going to sleep. My nighttime meds have failed me and my nerve pain has made me totally at it’s mercy again. Seems like just another night of my hands itching and my body aching. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been at this crossroads forever. However, […]
GOD DID IT AGAIN
Posted on March 30, 2018 Leave a Comment
Late this afternoon I got the call and news I’ve been praying for the past week. On April 12th 8am @ MUSC Hospital. I will without a doubt become the first person ever at that location to get an MRI with my volume of inside hardware. They are basically having to take the MRI machine […]
God Use It
Posted on March 29, 2018 2 Comments
Often on here, I’m just prayerfully processing from the gutter. I figure my God story won’t be complete if it doesn’t include the good, bad and ugly. I’m still waiting on my meds to make me comfortable enough to rest. Once again it feels like I’ve got ice water running through my veins. And I […]
Do I Have An Identity Crisis?
Posted on March 29, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve been reading the last few weeks a book that has really spoken to my heart. It’s called “When Your World Falls Apart” by Dr. David Jeremiah. I’ve realized that I really didn’t even know what I was made of until my world as I knew it literally flipped upside down 30 months ago. I […]
Exhausted But Not Hopeless
Posted on March 29, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well, my body allowed me to sleep a little over 3 hours and now I’m back up. Not feeling the best physically after what was just one of those days you would rather forget. Trust me when I tell you that I’m doing all that can be done to deal with my many battles concerning […]
I Want To Jump Off A Bridge
Posted on March 28, 2018 Leave a Comment
There is no way I can fully describe today’s doctor visit in just one article. Thank God for a great friend driving me an hour there and back. I desperately needed someone who at least is trying to understand my situation. Earlier I went to see my pain specialist and just as I expected absolutely […]
Pierced For Me
Posted on March 28, 2018 Leave a Comment
According to my Fitbit I’ve slept 5 hours, but my exhausted body has been laying down much longer. Besides the normal itching nerve pain is something much more painful. It’s clear that my big, recently implanted new stimulator battery has officially shifted. I noticed a painful change this past Saturday after going for a much […]
Health Update 3/28/18
Posted on March 28, 2018 Leave a Comment
Besides still spending plenty of time in the tub I’ve discovered a little that still appears hopeful. Today s friend will take me to my pain specialist. The doctor I will be seeing has not seen or talked to me since I found out I had to change about my stimulator battery for full MRI […]
I Never Fully Realized It’s Power
Posted on March 28, 2018 Leave a Comment
The Bible says that anyone who truly believes in Jesus is promised the Holy Spirit. In fact, it clearly states that anyone without the Spirit of God living in them doesn’t know God. Now, I’ve known and believed that truth for a long time. I’ve had countless times I felt God’s spirit leading and comforting […]
The Current Is Strong Be Careful
Posted on March 28, 2018 1 Comment
Spiritually speaking I’m somewhere I’ve never been before. With every faith step forward I can feel the invisible forces of the enemy. Nothing is coming easy, yet God is doing so much. I can feel it in my bones. I can see it with my eyes. However, the current of resistance is so strong […]
Then & Now Update 3/27/18
Posted on March 27, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well, I spent over 4 hours straight in the tub again tonight. I guess I could become one of the California Raisons one day. But, not only does it help bring me relief, but it seems to shrink any feeling of swelling in the new battery incision area. I’ve been out the tub for about […]
A Glimmer Of Hope
Posted on March 27, 2018 Leave a Comment
Earlier I did receive a glimmer of hope concerning my possible future MRI. My representative called me early evening and said they should know something tomorrow. It appears that MUSC hospital does have a machine that should be compatible. Tomorrow the lead representative of my stimulator company will meet with someone at MUSC to further […]
I Have No Clue, Yet I’m Ok
Posted on March 26, 2018 Leave a Comment
Most of you know that my journey with my health issues has been a flat roller coaster ride. I know what it’s like to wake up from a major surgery and wonder who attempted to beat you to death. I know what’s it’s like to not be able to walk for 8 days straight. I […]
LORD HELP ME NOT GO CRAZY
Posted on March 25, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well, ever since trying to get out and walk yesterday for exercise my battery has just not been right. The entire thing bulges out the back of my back, but one corner of it is pressing on a nerve area. I’m telling you right now that if I find out that getting this huge replacement […]
Saturday Night, Sunday Morning Problems
Posted on March 25, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 2:25am Sunday morning and I just took back multiple ice packs to the freezer. My recently implanted new battery incision didn’t respond well to maybe my 3rd intentional walk in a month. Saturday evening I just knew I had to get out the house and regain some type of recovery momentum. So, I met […]
Being Lied To Hurts
Posted on March 24, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve been fortunate throughout my lifetime up to this point. However, I’m starting to realize I’ve been lied to quite a few times over the past 2 1/2 years and counting of this health journey. I have to admit it doesn’t feel good to the mind or heart. In fact, it doesn’t feel great […]
Smiling Through The Pain
Posted on March 24, 2018 Leave a Comment
As frustrating as things have been recently I’m far from discouraged. Sure, I’m concerned about what the future might hold with my health. But, I’m too consumed with seeking to let God work now rather than just worry about what happens later. Honestly, I’ve never seen God more at work. I just don’t feel […]
My Phone Spoke To Me
Posted on March 23, 2018 Leave a Comment
Many of you know that follow my journey I’m known for sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. Well when my first medicine alarm woke my exhausted body up this morning at 7am I found the following words typed, but left unposted on my phone. All I remember is it was after 3am and […]
What If?
Posted on March 23, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve finally just got to accept the fact that without strong meds I will hardly ever sleep a wink. Plus it’s not helping that I’m not presently even 25 percent as active as I once was even 2 years ago in my past rehab days. If I’m to reach any greater level of recovery my […]
Hope In Front Of Me
Posted on March 23, 2018 Leave a Comment
I may be down, but I’m not out. I may cry often, but I’m far from hopeless. Life is full of painful, unexpected moments. We all must learn how to walk through the valleys so we can appreciate the mountain top experiences. We all must learn that no matter what life throws our way God […]
When Life Overwhelms You
Posted on March 22, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m writing these words for my own peace and hopefully to encourage someone else. Sometimes life is just too overwhelming to swallow all at once. It’s in these moments that it’s critical we take a bite out of that elephant one piece at a time. Otherwise, you will be paralyzed by all that needs to […]
Was I Just Dreaming?
Posted on March 22, 2018 Leave a Comment
I just woke up at 7am this morning to the first of 4 daily alarms that remind me to take my scheduled medications. My hands, lower back, legs and feet all aching and itching long before my my day will even get started. As I struggled to just walk to the bathroom I couldn’t help […]
Satan Has Me Up After Midnight
Posted on March 22, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 2am and me and my car just got towed back home. My nerve pain is flaring, my body is dragging , and my nerves are literally shot. Seems that the devil is coming at me from every direction. Inside, outside and anywhere in between. This was not how I ever expected tonight to end. […]
The Battle Is Real
Posted on March 22, 2018 Leave a Comment
For those of you who only follow me online you know I was so excited about finally getting my MRI this evening. Was there almost two hours after riding over an hour to get there. Here is how the evening ended, Here are my back to back Facebook posts as I wait patiently at Trident […]
When You Feel Chained
Posted on March 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
Right now I literally feel stuck. Stuck in a body that won’t quit aching. Stuck in a situation that has a strangle hold on all areas of my life. Stuck with a diagnosis that apart from divine intervention will not change for the better. Stuck in a bed of pain that I would give anything […]
When You’re Just Not Sure
Posted on March 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
There always seems to be something or someone you’re just not sure how to approach. Usually when you’re just not sure it truly is best you move forward with precaution and preciseness. Obviously it’s something you feel like is fragile and possibly risky. So, the situation demands you begin by being still before God. Here […]
I Just Can’t Keep Going
Posted on March 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
I can feel it and I can see it. God is at work in so many ways despite me, through me and around me. Yet, I can also feel the winds and waves of adversity like never before. Am I comfortable with all I’m going through? Absolutely not! Am I confident that God is heavily […]
GOD CALLED ME
Posted on March 20, 2018 Leave a Comment
Today has been quite a day of confusion and emotion. I was literally convinced for a short while that the spinal cord stimulator lead wires buried within me were totally MRI unfriendly anywhere. Thank God the person at that MRI facility had no idea what she was talking about when today’s scheduled MRI was […]
Waiting On A MRI
Posted on March 20, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m trying my best not to lose it. Fortunately, I already had a Valium in me before I ever ran into the chaos of finding out I could not get my MRI for the second time in three months it was scheduled. There are places that can’t do my MRI, but why after 20 days […]
On The Way To My MRI
Posted on March 20, 2018 Leave a Comment
UNREAL….. I get my spinal cord stimulator battery surgically replaced to one that is 4 times the size of my previous one before so I could get an MRI. And now Tri-County radiology waits until 2 hours prior to my scheduled MRI and informs me that the leads down my spine are not MRI compatible […]
Thank God For All Hope
Posted on March 20, 2018 1 Comment
Well, my knockout meds allowed me to sleep nearly 7 hours. I had to take everything I could to calm down the storm within. I’m beyond grateful for any moments where I don’t have to feel the present state of my body. My nerve pain is definitely still out of whack and I feel almost […]
Misery Loves Company?
Posted on March 20, 2018 Leave a Comment
No, I believe they got that all wrong. Miserable people like myself can be miserable to be around. But, anyone who truly knows what it feels like to be miserable would never wish such on anyone they love. I hate how my misery affects all those around me. It’s not something I can totally control, […]
Covered In Ants
Posted on March 19, 2018 1 Comment
Somebody recently told me “all you write about is your pain.” Well, it’s just where I am and I can’t get out the ant bed. I feel like I’m covered from head to toe with ants and nothing I do is changing that. It’s the greatest test and torment I’ve ever been through. You tell […]
Real & Raw Take 4000
Posted on March 19, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m not gonna lie. Every time I hurt this bad I’m shocked. I’m always hoping the nightmare is over. It hurts so freaking bad in that same old spot. How can it still be this bad? What will this mean for the rest of my life? Who am I’m kidding? I’m still trying to figure […]
We All Need Somebody Like This
Posted on March 19, 2018 Leave a Comment
How many times has someone uttered the words “you just don’t understand”? I know I’ve said it on more than a few occasions. It doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t struggle, but not everyone has the same struggles. For example, I’ve never gone to war. I’ve never gone through a divorce. I’ve never dealt with the […]
Devil You Don’t Stand A Chance
Posted on March 18, 2018 Leave a Comment
My body woke me up around 4am this morning. I knew I would not be going back to sleep anytime soon. I also figured it would only add to my chances of collapsing early this morning. So, the first thing I did was get down gingerly on my knees beside my bed. I said, “Lord, […]
I Lost My Superpowers
Posted on March 18, 2018 Leave a Comment
They say if you don’t use it you will lose it. But, I was using it all the time to help as many people as I could. You see, I used to be that guy you could call on for anything at anytime. With God’s help I would leap over tall buildings and fly over […]
Sleepless In South Carolina
Posted on March 17, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve only had 2 hours sleep over the past 36 Hours. My legs are vibrating and my body just weary. I’ve not gone this long with this little sleep in quite sometime. My body’s condition just can’t afford to go without the rest. However, despite meds that would usually guarantee rest, sleep just won’t come. […]
One More Brutal Night
Posted on March 16, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 3am and I may or may not get even an ounce of sleep all night. I can promise you it won’t happen unless I really load up on extra medication to knock myself out. These moments are all too familiar. Nerve pain has my entire body in a fix. In so many ways […]
Confessions Of A Broken Pastor
Posted on March 16, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve known for a long time that God has placed a huge call on my life. I’ve always tried with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength to carry out God’s will. Honestly, I think I’m just really learning how to get out of God’s way and allow Him to have His way in […]
Turn Your Stimulator Off
Posted on March 15, 2018 Leave a Comment
Its noon and I’ve not even gotten out my bed yet. Both my legs are buzzing like crazy as if they are hooked to some electrical machine. I guess that’s because they actually are impacted by my spinal cord stimulator that sends pulses all throughout my body’s nervous system. I have what they call 5 […]
I Don’t Know
Posted on March 14, 2018 1 Comment
I’ve been in the bed for 10 hours. However my Fitbit shows I’ve only slept 7 hours and I feel the truth of that revelation. I believe my greatest issue right now is my body (even medicated) is just not getting the rest I once did. I realize the reality of my health issues, but […]
Fresh As It Gets
Posted on March 14, 2018 1 Comment
It’s 10pm and I’m lying on my side in my bed. Please let me describe how it feels during the moment of misery. First, both legs just won’t stop tingling, vibrating and aching. It feels like ice water is literally pouring through my veins. Secondly, my first major surgical sight still aches just as bad […]
I Want Off This Hamster Wheel
Posted on March 14, 2018 Leave a Comment
Earlier a buddy of mine took me to Charleston to get my spinal cord stimulator adjusted for the first time since my surgery. I went straight from getting out of my bed ti getting in his truck. Anytime I take a trip like that It always come back exhausted. This time was certainly no exception. […]
It’s No Coincidence To Me
Posted on March 13, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m not sure most are aware, but my health issues over the past 30 months from a major slip and fall work injury has rocked my life in practically every way imaginable. Other than losing my wife or children practically everything has changed as a result of blow after blow. I’ve been knocked out of […]
From The Floor View
Posted on March 12, 2018 Leave a Comment
Today I had a very humbling experience. I had just walked into Walterboro Family practice with my sick oldest son. Literally seconds after walking through the doors I knew I was in major trouble. On top of recovering from the 3rd recent surgery in my lower back the rest of my back totally gave out. […]
There Will Be A Day
Posted on March 12, 2018 1 Comment
Pain has had me up for hours early this morning. Physically I don’t feel well at all. In fact, it would be easier to tell you what’s not hurting on me. Pain is a hard thing to swallow or ignore. It’s also a part of this life at all times. It doesn’t matter whether it’s […]
We Really Did “Spring Forward”
Posted on March 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
Today was the biggest step forward in the life of this church other than the day this mission got started. Over the next 2 months at least 20 new Care Groups will kickoff. All of these groups rallied around common ground and led by God called leaders. These groups will be the roots of our […]
Uncertain, But Certain
Posted on March 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve been back in the tub for maybe an hour. Earlier before I ever even saw the light of day I spent another hour in here for relief before heading to church. I’m back to spending 4-5 hours a day in this pool of relief. My new battery is really hurting me. It literally […]
900 Days And Counting
Posted on March 9, 2018 Leave a Comment
Many of you reading this can relate to nearly every word I’m about to say. You know what it’s like to feel like your life drastically changed overnight. Whether something happened to you or someone you love dearly. Since that day or you got that news life has been full of daily pain. Sure, some […]
It’s Like A Death Except
Posted on March 9, 2018 1 Comment
It’s only been 30 straight months of dealing with uncontrollable nerve pain. I’ve gone through more medications in that time than many will see all their entire life. Everything has been a process of trial and error. I’ve tried surgery, a spinal cord stimulator, therapy, walking, pain shots, Rhizotomy, natural supplements, counseling, prescription medications, lots […]
God, I Need Your Mercy
Posted on March 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
Most have no clue what it’s like to start everyday off miserable before you ever step out of the bed. Chronic pain and certainly nerve pain is so difficult to predict. It’s been cranking back up within me since 3:25am and I know for certain my spinal stimulator is presently hardly touching things. Thank God […]
Please, Can I Get A Hot Tub?
Posted on March 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
I would give anything to take a hot bath. It’s always been one of my biggest pain relievers. To go from hours a day in a hot tub to zero minutes is hard to swallow. It’s been 8 days since my recent surgery and I’m supposed to wait 14 days before soaking in any hot […]
Jesus I Still Believe, BUT
Posted on March 7, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s 9:30 pm on a Tuesday night as I begin writing these God led words. Here I am again, lying on my side waiting on the beyond agonizing pain to settle down. It always feels like someone unexpectedly jumped me from behind and started beating me head to toe. I finally had to take […]
My Faith Has Outgrown My Pain
Posted on March 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
I couldn’t have said these words so confidently before. Not in the midst of feeling this bad and really mean them. It’s 5 am and my body hurts so bad. I mean just throbbing with nauseous pain. My recent surgical incision feels on fire. I’m getting so tired of icing. My poor wife cares so […]
DON’T EVER FORGET: A GOD-MADE DAY
Posted on March 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
Today is a day I will never forget. In fact, to do so would be a total slap in God’s face. I’m laying here once again with my legs killing me and nerve pain running wild throughout my lower body. However, I can actually smile through the pain. Not a fake smile, but a real […]
My Sickest Blessed Day
Posted on March 5, 2018 Leave a Comment
Yesterday was one of the sickest blessed days of my life. It was a Sunday and only five days after my recent surgery. The big incision in my lower back was still throbbing. I had literally been up the entire morning due to much pain and nausea. But, I knew God was telling me to […]
Inside The Mind Of A Preacher
Posted on March 4, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s Saturday night and I’m seeking to prepare myself for bed. I’ve taken all my nighttime meds that should take me out shortly. If I was not a Pastor I probably wouldn’t be heading out anywhere tomorrow. But, I feel a strong call to preach God’s word even though I’m still pretty weak from recent […]
My Heart Is Crying
Posted on March 3, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve been loaded with medicine for hours that should have calmed the storm by now. I feel like I’ve been this way forever. My body feels like it’s been kicked relentlessly from head to toe. Saying the pain is miserable is an understatement. I’m laying on my side aching, reading scripture, praying, and listening to […]
Please Stop This Merry Go Round
Posted on March 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s only been 2 1/2 hours since I last posted how much better I felt. And, in my mind and heart I still believe it. But, the pain has actually intensified over the past two hours. Yes, I realize I’m only 2 1/2 days into my recovery from surgery. But, it’s amazing to me how […]
Just Wait
Posted on March 1, 2018 Leave a Comment
My temporary trials continue to compel me to my knees. This is not a time to give up, but instead press in closer than ever to my loving Heavenly Father. So much is coming together while so much is falling apart. My private prayer life and personal bible study time are at an all time […]
My Bend In The Road
Posted on February 28, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s my first time back on social media after having another back related surgery Tuesday morning. It was an emotional day from start to finish. I knew going into things that my body was on the verge of its breaking point. even if nothing else was added. However, I knew a third surgery in just […]
Choose To Rejoice
Posted on February 26, 2018 Leave a Comment
GOD HAS PUT IT HEAVY ON MY HEART that this week I need to limit my focus on my pain. Yes, it’s still there and a lot more is coming when I have more surgery this week. BUT, I find that when I’m totally fixated on nothing but my pain satan has me right where […]
God Uses Brokenness
Posted on February 25, 2018 Leave a Comment
For sometime now I’ve felt like I’m stuck in a bad dream. Or that I was in some bad car wreck that I can’t remember. Whatever the case, I’ve never felt more broken in my life. Literally my entire life has been changed from just one major slip and fall. I feel like I’ve been […]
Real & Raw Take 2000
Posted on February 24, 2018 Leave a Comment
I literally feel like a fish out of water. My breathing gets more laboring by the second. I’m laying on my side constantly praying for relief. I honestly wonder how much more I can take. It hurts even thinking about it. Not to mention going through it. I don’t have any explanation for how I’ve […]
Critical Thinking Paralysis
Posted on February 24, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s something I’ve done for years. In fact, I’ve helped well over a thousand plus process critical situations. It was a gift from God to be able to encourage and help others discern God’s best in some of life’s toughest moments. But, my present limitations just keep shutting me down. I mean that statement in […]
A Million Bucks Short
Posted on February 24, 2018 Leave a Comment
As I write this I’m just tired! Not for sleep, but from physically hurting so long. The roughest moments get harder every time. Especially after I experience just a little momentary relief. Then, my pain comes running back with such a vengeance. You would think someone was unplugging and then plugging me into an electrical […]
I Surrender
Posted on February 23, 2018 1 Comment
For reasons only God knows my body and mind remain under attack. This coming week I will have my back operated on for the third time in just twenty one months. I may not have any tattoos, but I’m building up a pretty good scar collection. I used to joke all the time that I […]
My EGO Had To Go
Posted on February 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
This process didn’t start overnight in my life. Day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute God has been removing my ego. EGO stands for Edging God Out. I had no idea how much I was actually standing in God’s way. I especially didn’t realize how much I was relying on myself instead […]
I Want To Be Like Him
Posted on February 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
Today, at the age of 99 one of the greatest ambassadors of Christ passed away. I’ve never met the man in my life. However, I know he impacted many lives including mine. People were drawn to his crusades all over the world. Even on replay television Billy Graham led countless souls to Jesus. I readily […]
Thank God For Hot Tubs & Hardships
Posted on February 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
I spend hours per day in a hot tub. Somehow the hot water soothes my crawling skin and eases my aching back. I would venture to say that 80 percent of anything I’ve ever written on this faith walking journey has been under the influence of hot water. Maybe it’s God’s venue for allowing me […]
I Apologize For Wallowing
Posted on February 21, 2018 Leave a Comment
I readily admit that when severe pain grips you it’s very hard to see beyond it. However, over time I’ve learned the difference between wallowing in your pain versus working through it. First, let me apologize for allowing Satan to take me down the wallowing lane recently. The past few days have been very tough. […]
Life In The Desert
Posted on February 20, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s as if my body has an internal alarm clock set to ignite the flames within. Then, I know what’s about to start shooting through my veins like poisonous venom. As each minute and hour passes it’s like having a constantly flowing IV slowly sucking the very life out of me. Underneath my skin is […]
I’ve Cried A River
Posted on February 20, 2018 Leave a Comment
One more night my body has physically and emotionally let me down. The flood gates of tears has once again been released. Sometimes it’s just pure grief, but it’s almost always a direct result of my nerve pain breaking down every part of me. I wish I could control my emotions. I wish I could […]
I’m No Longer That Guy
Posted on February 19, 2018 Leave a Comment
I used to be someone you could call on anytime and any place in life. I would drop what I was doing. I would listen with full compassion. I would discern your greatest needs with the help from God above. And, I would always provide a ministry of presence when necessary for your comfort through […]
Take My Life Lord
Posted on February 18, 2018 1 Comment
Today was my first Sunday back preaching in twenty one days. I knew it would be an emotional return. Not just because it takes my whole heart, but I knew my nerve pain would be totally unpredictable. Of course, the night I needed rest the most was nothing short of a nightmare. But, I anticipated […]
From Chaos To Contentment
Posted on February 16, 2018 Leave a Comment
For the first time in ages my nerve pain has been manageable for nearly 3 days. What that means is I don’t have to constantly feel like I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. It’s no surprise the main medication helping me is used to help prevent seizures. I’m now close to taking the maximum […]
Update 2/14/18
Posted on February 15, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve now officially had 2 back to back “Good” days compared to my normal. I’m still having to spend hours per day in a hot tub. But, the increased morning dose of my Neurontin is really keeping the normally out of control nerve pain in check. Unfortunately, the moment I try to get behind a […]
Hope Is Such A Big Word
Posted on February 14, 2018 Leave a Comment
Many of you know I’ve spent a lot of long days and nights in lots of pain. So many that in my human mind I felt like that might never change. After all I’ve tried everything in hopes of some relief. Countless physical therapy sessions, several pain shots, surgery, a spinal cord stimulator, a trial […]
Dear Craig, I’m Sorry
Posted on February 12, 2018 Leave a Comment
Son, I know you woke up today very optimistic. Just hoping you might get some potential relief from your Rhizotomy. Instead, after today’s trial injection you only walked away with greater discomfort. Not one minute today have you felt any moment of relief. However, you patiently hoped that would change with each hour that passed. […]
Rhizotomy Trial #1
Posted on February 12, 2018 1 Comment
Well Monday morning I will get my first of two Rhizotomy trials. They will put me out briefly then shoot something in there to put certain nerves asleep. Doctor says the trial works for maybe 6-8 hours. They are looking to see if I get 50 percent or more relief before doing the real thing. […]
Real & Raw Take 1002
Posted on February 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m so tired of living a life of recovery. I’m so tired of feeling this pain. I can’t just live in the tub. It’s just so hard for me to believe that I still can’t lay down like a normal human being. The moment I do I feel like someone has planted something in my […]
That One Spot
Posted on February 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve not preached for the second Sunday in a row due to the recent intensity of my nerve pain. I’ve now missed a total of 9 Sundays all due to one spot. Whether it be after surgery, the implant of my stimulator, or just not being able to keep my pain under control. All my […]
876 Days And Counting
Posted on February 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I still remember thinking I was experiencing a midlife crisis. After all I was always told “growing old ain’t for sissies.” But, now I understand that I’m just daily battling with this awful thing called chronic pain. I can’t believe I’ve dealt with this at ages 40, 41, 42, and soon to be 43. […]
Don’t Just Wait On God
Posted on February 11, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m laying in a hot tub again waiting on the pain to die down. Same story line and just another day of nerve pain running wild throughout my body. I have high expectations of what God is doing and is going to do. Not just because I’ve prayed relentlessly, but I continue to play my […]
Exhausted From Fighting
Posted on February 10, 2018 Leave a Comment
After a long period of time fighting through pain you just become exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually you feel like you’re running on empty. These moments become critical because you are most vulnerable. You don’t want to quit trying, but it’s just so hard to keep going. This is actually the time you […]
Are You Being Tested?
Posted on February 10, 2018 Leave a Comment
God must have some BIG plans ahead for me. I bet I can’t even fathom what lies ahead on the other side of this fiery trial. Don’t get me wrong I’ve faced many seasons of adversity in the past. But, none of it ever held a candle to the nonstop torment in the present season. […]
Doctor Update 2/9/18
Posted on February 10, 2018 Leave a Comment
One, my surgeon says he does recommend getting my Stimulator battery replaced with one that is totally MRI friendly. So, an order has been written and we’ll have to wait on insurance approval for this surgical replacement. Unfortunately, the new battery is bigger than my present one so it will be more invasive than I […]
Something To Cheer About
Posted on February 10, 2018 1 Comment
Sometimes you find yourself desperate to hear something positive. Especially when the pain runs so deep. When your strength is almost gone. When your sleep is constantly interrupted. When you’re constantly left with more questions than answers. Just to find something to celebrate can really lift your spirit. Well, today I have much to cheer […]
Real & Raw Take 1001
Posted on February 9, 2018 1 Comment
I get so discouraged at night. Especially when my body gets pounded with pain. I know I’ve said it a thousand times, but every time I’m surprised by it’s intensity. Every part of me hurts outside and especially inside. The pain presently has me so nauseous and sick to my stomach. For those on here […]
It Steals My Joy
Posted on February 9, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m back in the tub just hoping once again for some relief. I’ve only been out of the bed since 3pm. I was only out of the house for 3 hours for some pool therapy. But, it just doesn’t take much for my back to quickly get into a bind. I simply can’t drive or […]
Waking Up Afraid
Posted on February 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
For so long all my days have felt much the same. And much to my surprise they are only getting harder. I wake up with fear seeking to grip my soul. I can’t imagine what I would feel like if I was faithless. I would have long ago given up and fallen apart. I can […]
I Hate How I Feel, BUT
Posted on February 8, 2018 1 Comment
If I’m honest, I totally hate the way I feel from sun up to sun down. Why? Because there is never a moment I’m not feeling uncomfortable. My nerve pain literally drives me crazy and escalate by even the slightest of sounds or movements. I can’t think of anything I’m really able to enjoy. I […]
When You’re Not Healthy
Posted on February 8, 2018 Leave a Comment
Running back Marcus Lattimore said a mouthful when he said, “Adversity introduces a man to himself.” Yep, when you reach a place you’ve never been before you quickly realize your humanity. Sure, you can try to ignore it, but your present condition will keep confronting you with the truth. You may think your invincible, but […]
My Best, Worst Day
Posted on February 7, 2018 1 Comment
All I can say about today is GLORY TO GOD. I was finally able to add some medication that has taken the edge off my nerve pain. I’m still living with a level 5 out of 10 pain at all times, but it’s way better than it was before. It’s amazing how we often have […]
Do You Feel Hopeless?
Posted on February 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
I was asked a very meaningful question earlier. “Knowing what doctors have told you the future might hold due to your health. Do you feel hopeless moving forward?” Tearfully I said, “Absolutely not! Because my hope doesn’t rest on what doctors say. And I honestly believe I’m dealing with purposeful pain. Meaning I don’t see […]
We’re All Afraid Of Something
Posted on February 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
Whether we like to admit it or not we all have things we fear. And, I’m not just talking about snakes, spiders, and the dark. I’m talking deep concerns like what now, what next, and what else could go wrong. These fears are only fueled more as social media bombards us with news that unsettles […]
Taste And See
Posted on February 6, 2018 Leave a Comment
It’s amazing how you can feel in such a wilderness, yet feel God’s presence so strongly at the same time. I’m afraid it’s because it’s only during our feelings of desperation that we realize our total dependence. Regardless of the discomfort, I’m finding my way closer to God’s heart. Even in pain I feel greater […]
Glad My Dad Is A Pastor
Posted on February 5, 2018 Leave a Comment
Due to my health I didn’t preach today. However, earlier I made another determined choice to get up and get out of bed. I drove 30 miles away so that I could do physical therapy in a pool and then soak in a therapy pool. I knew it would bring me some relief. However, I […]
In A Heavyweight Battle
Posted on February 5, 2018 Leave a Comment
For the first time in my life I’m dealing with something I can’t just rest away. I can’t just wait and expect it to go away. When I go to sleep it’s still there with me. When I wake up it’s still here with me. I would give anything for a new body. Even after […]
Trusting God For The Victory
Posted on February 4, 2018 Leave a Comment
I hope you don’t mind my honesty through this journey. It would be dishonest to only share the good and not the bad. Lately most moments have just felt bad. It’s just been a series of setbacks, suffering, and confusion. I’m back in the tub just trying to get my nerves to settle and me […]
God Shorten My Days
Posted on February 3, 2018 Leave a Comment
Last night, I went to sleep at 1am and I’m just fully waking up at 1pm. While my night was anything but uneventful I’m constantly asking God to shorten my days. Why? Because right now most minutes feel like hours and some hours feel like days. Even during my sleep I often feel my heart […]
In The Wilderness
Posted on February 3, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve been in the bed the past 12 hours in a somewhat sleeping state. Had to sit up in the bed and sleep due to something continuing make my heart feel like it’s racing. Anytime I check my heart rate or blood pressure both are fine. All this morning my legs and my chest have […]
What If I Were Lost?
Posted on February 3, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’m sure many think I’m just complaining all the time. That I’m just struggling like everybody does and can’t handle much. But, I can assure you that being in my painful body is pure torcher. I’m dealing with head to toe pain that just won’t let up. Discomforting sensations have constantly run through my entire […]
The Anchor Holds
Posted on February 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
As I sit in this tub for physical relief I’m not able to run from my emotional distress. As we all know you could leave the country and your feelings would still be with you. It’s hard when all your energy to fight is gone. When you’ve had nothing but countless hours to think about […]
Dealing With My Nerves
Posted on February 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
I’ve learned how to cope with most of my greatest issues. I usually know when to take it easy. I know when to elevate my legs to calm my back pain. I know when I simply need a healthy walk. I know when I need to phone a friend or family member. But, I just […]
Pain Changes You
Posted on February 2, 2018 Leave a Comment
You would think by now I would be used to it. But, I’m afraid there is no totally getting used to dealing with pain that constantly interrupts your life. It’s with you when you wake up. It’s with you when you leave your house. It’s with you when you sit up, lay down, and go […]
God Is Making Me Over
Posted on January 31, 2018 Leave a Comment
I know deep in my heart that I must officially say goodbye to the old me. Gone are the days that I can live as a daily oncall chaplain. Gone are the days that I can go play baseball or basketball with my boys. Gone are the days that I can go out with my […]
Honesty Is Healthy And Purposeful
Posted on January 31, 2018 Leave a Comment
I periodically go see a professional counselor and make sure I process my pain honestly with those I feel I can trust. The truth is not everyone can be trusted with your honesty. Someone who doesn’t know your heart can be very quick to judge your heart. However, we all need a safe place to […]
Let Faith Arise
Posted on January 31, 2018 Leave a Comment
Still no sleep as I lie here itching from the constant vibrations of nerve pain throughout my body. There seems to be only two states of living for me. Either thinking the worst is behind me or absolute misery. The unpredictable misery drives me insane. I would pay any amount of money to get rid […]
Afraid Of The “What If”
Posted on January 29, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well I’m back in the tub seemingly the only place I can find some relief. To say I’m exhausted is an understatement. My body has been throbbing constantly since 3am this morning and it’s past 3pm now. I can barely even stand up on my on two legs. How I preached two Sunday services today […]
3 Traits Of A Great Caregiver
Posted on January 27, 2018 1 Comment
While making it through anything difficult your support system is always critical. I know I would not be near as sane or strong without mine. My support system is a collective group of family, friends, and of course Jesus. But, while imperfect I believe my wife is the absolute perfect caregiver when it comes to […]
Still Broken, But Encouraged
Posted on January 27, 2018 Leave a Comment
My pain had been very bearable and my soul at peace for close to 36 hours. So, I was excited to get out the house and ride with my parents to Cracker Barrel. I had not one sign that would indicate my body was about to crash. However, I was very uncomfortable trying to sit […]
It Feels Better Off My Chest
Posted on January 25, 2018 Leave a Comment
Today has been a step forward within me. I’m a big believer that confession is the beginning of healing. Yes, my body still aches. Yes my pain is still blinding and unpredictable. But, personally recognizing the demon of depression has lifted some heaviness off of my chest and shoulders. It may not fix everything, but […]
I Know I’m Depressed
Posted on January 25, 2018 1 Comment
Maybe it’s been the case for some time. Maybe I’ve just been in denial. But, I can no longer deny what is obvious to me every day God allows me to wake up. I am actively battling this thing called depression. The following definition by Merriam Webster defines how I feel. “ Depression is a […]
The Biggest Storm Of My Life
Posted on January 25, 2018 Leave a Comment
What I’m about to say I know many of you can relate. Personally I’m in the biggest storm of my life. I’m extremely miserable about 70 percent of the time. The other 30 percent of the time I’m asleep. My body feels like it’s burning from the inside out. It still appears that someone has […]
Will You Be Faithful Even When It Hurts
Posted on January 25, 2018 Leave a Comment
Written: 1/23/18 I’m back in the tub and honestly my back feels like I just had surgery yesterday. It physically hurts so bad in the surgical area in a way I’ve not felt in quite sometime. I really don’t know what to do to improve things. This level of pain just sucks the air and […]
My Cross, God’s Stage
Posted on January 23, 2018 Leave a Comment
Well, I just slept almost 3 hours according to my Fitbit. My body did end up crashing and my meds just couldn’t keep things under control for the first time in 5 days. But, I’m happy to say that after I took a muscle relaxer to knock me out by the grace of God alone […]
I JUST DON’T KNOW
Posted on January 22, 2018 1 Comment
Written: January 21st, 2018 (PM) I always hate to admit it, but my body still can’t handle a full day of anything. I have been absolutely thrilled today to celebrate all God has done in just 4 years of Refuge Church’s existence. However, most of my spine can’t even be touched it’s so sore and […]
Pastor Craig Crosby 